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SHE IS 90. Just back off. You are an adult with a healthy grandmother. Do you know how lucky you are?!
I WILL NEVER QUIT COFFEE.
NO
I think it's really, really unsanitary. Akin to wiping your nose on your sleeve, or spitting. Or picking your teeth at the table. Ok, I've grossed myself out now.
I use two tsp, about 30 cal, and half and half. 4-5 days a week I have bulletproof coffee with butter and coconut oil, so maybe 250 cal? but it's my breakfast. The key for me is that the sugar in my coffee is the ONLY sugar in my diet. So, I have room for it.
OP, I recommend therapy. I was overweight for most of my adult life- gained 30# as a college freshman and yo-yo'd until 3 years ago. In that time I've lost 50+ Lbs and transformed my body and my life. For me , it was about changing what I ate but even more so, reprogramming my internal messaging so that emotional eating is no longer a part of my life. As I have worked through many of my self esteem issues I no longer struggle with feeling like I "deserve" certain things , I need them or that it's so unfair. It has been hard but absolutely 100% worth all the effort and then some. I can just tell from the tenor of your posts, it's about so much more than food. Hugs.
To let you know how bad it was for me before therapy, I just had the totally irrational thought that my mom would come upon this board, this thread, know it was me, and be LIVID.
Yes, I dealt with it through two years of intensive therapy. Hence the advice. You are too weak & enmeshed, dependent and dare I say indoctrinated to possibly maintain appropriate boundaries. You need help to give you perspective. I know how hard it is OP but my life is 10,000 times better now.
THERAPY
I do not count dance classes (Zumba & barre) as my workout for training purposes. I only count my runs & strength training. Make sure you're eating and sleeping enough.