Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like an entitled brat. You are spending $6K on a condo for a ski vacation (that you booked non-refundable) and you want special treatment because now you don't want to go?

Also, you don't seem to realize that Colorado is not Italy, Austria, etc. Have you seen what's going on in Italy? People are dying of COVID-19 and the family have to keep the dead bodies in the house because there's a lockdown.

Get some perspective, please.

What makes you think we won't be there in one week? Because it is possible we will be. And I'd rather be home than stranded in another state when it happens.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And yes, it's likely that either my husband or I or both will lose our job after the dust settles because of the industry we are in. I am not privileged, but I believe in experiences and travel unlike most Americans, who just consume unnecessary stuff: new TVs, cars, iPhones etc. every year.

LOL.

So you value travel to a ski resort (at $6k/week for lodging) and that's somehow different than buying a car or an iPhone? Ok. Next time try arguing that you value experiences at culturally rich locations in Asia, Europe, etc. Taking an overpriced ski vacation is .... just a vacation and doesn't make you more special or enlightened than someone buying a new TV.

You booked a non-refundable AirBnB a month ago and now you'll learn: don't book non-refundable trips when you're traveling with seniors and kids during a pandemic.

Yes, in my opinion getting a new gadget/car etc. every year or two is wasteful, which many Americans imo are.

We are a family of 4 with two kids under 10. We have 2 trips coming up in March: a ski trip in CO, and Disney in Orlando. We live in a major city in the Northeast and yes, we plan on going as of now because:
- we have as much of a chance of contracting the virus on an airplane or on vacation as we do when commuting, at work/school/the library/grocery store etc. etc. in our city;
- even if we were to get sick, we do not have compromised immune systems. If we can overcome the flu (and we all have, at least once the past 3 winters!), we should be able to get over this too.

Oh and we had the best fish I have ever tasted in my life, especially the salmon and halibut. It was cooked literally hours after being caught..wild king salmon.

I am the PP, just to add that we spent 2 weeks in Alaska with a rented SUV and only did a one-day boat trip to see glacier calving and whales & orcas (amazing encounters) on the Seward Peninsula. It is a misconception that you have to take a cruise to see Alaska. I think cruises are tacky and mostly for old, disabled or boring people. We have seen a lot of the world and have never taken a cruise. The hikes and drives in Alaska were spectacular, and the terrain and wild life were a lot more varied than New Zealand or Patagonia for example.

To OP, both DH and I are avid travelers. We have been to some of the most amazing places on the planet - African safaris, all over Europe in posh hotels, Australia & NZ, Patagonia, Galapagos, all over Asia, northern lights in Scandinavia... I have to say that of all of our amazing trips, Alaska is definitely in the top 3, possibly number 1. I love nature and wildlife photography, and Alaska in July was an incredible experience. I researched for over a year and planned that trip to perfection! It was before having kids. Sadly I don't have the same time, energy and attention to detail with trips these days. Hopefully once kiddos are older we can go back to planning and traveling so we can share our beautiful experiences with them.

What did you end up doing, OP? I say go for it. I have a sister whom I love to pieces, and I ended up a mom of two girls. I couldn’t be happier! My kiddos were naturally conceived but had I been doing IVF, I would have chosen the same. IME with tons of friends with all sorts of combos, siblings of the same gender, especially ones that aren’t super closely spaced (2yrs or less - they could get competitive with each other as they grow up), tend to have the tightest and most special bond. Boy-girl 5yrs apart? Not as much, although of course it depends on a lot of factors and family dynamics and frankly, some luck too. We are done having kids, but had we gone for the 3rd, I would’ve preferred another girl. And by the way, my girls are not all that girly: they are athletic, adventurous and fearless.

Anonymous wrote:I never really understand this perspective. What did y'all think it was going to be like?!

I can see being overwhelmed by a special needs child but just lamenting the loss of all-you-can-drink mimosa bunches because your kid now needs you seems incredibly self-absorbed.

I agree with this poster. What I find strange is that all of these miserable parents went on to have another child. Gee, you didn't figure it out 2-3 years after having the first so you had to double the misery?! If a child brings you no joy, I can understand that (though I cannot relate), but why not be one and done then...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids and it's wonderful. One of my kids has special needs, and I wouldn't trade him for the world. I doubt any of your kids are even half as awesome as he is!

Why did you feel the need to say that?

Because OP made it clear she did not want a child with special needs. Well some of us have children with special needs and they’re pretty amazing! I’m so sick of people acting like parenting our kids would be such an awful thing. Of course we’d all like our children to have an easy life but my child’s life is very much worth living and I would have him a million times over. Either you want a child or you don’t.

OP here. I am sorry if my phrasing was insensitive. Since we are older parents, if we tried for a 3rd, I feel it would be unfair to our existing children to proceed with a pregnancy should a serious genetic condition be detected via CVS/amnio/20-week scan. If we were to die at 70, or even 80, then it would be the older two who must care for a sibling with Down syndrome etc. Hence my comment about terminating, not that it is ever an easy decision, and one never knows until faced with it. That said, if the baby is already born and has SN, of course we would love him or her to the moon and back, no matter what.

PP, what do you mean by "I do think the payoff to each additional kid diminishes, though"?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quietly abort. Tell DH you had a miscarriage.

He won’t fall for that. No one would.

OP is around 38, so the chance of miscarriage or a chromosomally abnormal baby are not insignificant. Almost everyone I know has had at least one miscarriage.

I am really struggling with a decision of 2 versus 3 kids. We have 2 daughters, ages 6.5 and 3, and lately I feel broody. What brought this about was an unplanned pregnancy last year (BC failed!) that ended up in a miscarriage. DH and I panicked because it had never been our plan to have more than 2 children, and I almost booked a termination, but then I started coming to terms with the idea of a 3rd child. Two weeks later, I miscarried and immediately felt sadness.

What gives me pause is that we are both 41, although women in my family are very fertile and go through menopause late so I am not as worried about my ability to conceive - both our kids were conceived on the first try.
I like that our life is now manageable and pleasant, our kids are easy, well behaved and good sleepers. We love to travel internationally and have been waiting for the younger one to grow up a little more so we can start doing more adventurous travel.
At the same time, I can't help but feel wistful when I see families with 3 kids, of which there are a lot in our circle of friends. We come from small families, and so our kids will only have each other, and we'll only have them when we grow old.

If you thought about a 3rd, but ultimately didn't go for it, do you regret it now? We can afford another except we'll be tight on space in our apartment, but we'll manage. I am not sure I'll have the energy to parent 3 kids in my 40s and 50s. I am also worried about a special needs child. I am pro-choice and will likely terminate a trisomy pregnancy because of the impact a SN child would have on our existing kids and because of our age (no judging please), but obviously there are many other health issues and risks that keep me up at night.

Thank you.

Does she have or could she afford an extra bedroom for an au pair or a live-in? It would be a lot more manageable that way given her career and the lack of family help.

I am European, and I do it all the time. It's cultural.