How many kids do you have, and if you could change anything, would have had more?

[MayaJ]

I am really struggling with a decision of 2 versus 3 kids. We have 2 daughters, ages 6.5 and 3, and lately I feel broody. What brought this about was an unplanned pregnancy last year (BC failed!) that ended up in a miscarriage. DH and I panicked because it had never been our plan to have more than 2 children, and I almost booked a termination, but then I started coming to terms with the idea of a 3rd child. Two weeks later, I miscarried and immediately felt sadness.

What gives me pause is that we are both 41, although women in my family are very fertile and go through menopause late so I am not as worried about my ability to conceive - both our kids were conceived on the first try.
I like that our life is now manageable and pleasant, our kids are easy, well behaved and good sleepers. We love to travel internationally and have been waiting for the younger one to grow up a little more so we can start doing more adventurous travel.
At the same time, I can't help but feel wistful when I see families with 3 kids, of which there are a lot in our circle of friends. We come from small families, and so our kids will only have each other, and we'll only have them when we grow old.

If you thought about a 3rd, but ultimately didn't go for it, do you regret it now? We can afford another except we'll be tight on space in our apartment, but we'll manage. I am not sure I'll have the energy to parent 3 kids in my 40s and 50s. I am also worried about a special needs child. I am pro-choice and will likely terminate a trisomy pregnancy because of the impact a SN child would have on our existing kids and because of our age (no judging please), but obviously there are many other health issues and risks that keep me up at night.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I'm a similar age and have 6 and 3 yo daughters. We are done at 2. I grew up as one of four and I never felt like I got enough attention from my parents. We never traveled because it was too hard to fit in a hotel room or rental vehicle. We never did local things because our age range was too big to match many activities, so we just didn't do anything. I don't want that for my family. I want to travel and experience things. I'm excited to have two who are relatively close in age. It's really fun.

[Anonymous]

I an one of 5 kids (though really spaced out in age), and we travelled a ton (by car). I never felt I was lacking attention.
We have 2 kids, and I would love to have a third, but it probably won’t happen. I’ve always wanted at least 3 kids. Obviously, it’s a personal choice.

[Anonymous]

We have three. It's the right number. I don't want more, I sure don't want less, and it's very comfortable / peaceful to know that we're "done."

I didn't feel done at two, but i was scared to think about three. I'm so glad we took the leap. I don't have those butterflies or questions in my stomach about four - just feel clear that our family is full.

[Anonymous]

2
No

[Anonymous]

Read your post and decide what is best for you. To me, I'd only have three kids if one parent was a SAH and you could fully fund college and graduate school for all three.

[Anonymous]

We had two. We probably would have had 3 or 4 but money held us back. Good call, since we have had a lot of financial stress with just the two.

[Anonymous]

If you got pregnant today you'd be 42 when the baby is born. A little long in the tooth, wouldn't you say? Two is plenty.

[Anonymous]

I have two, and would have loved more if health and money were there. Sadly they are not, but it’s OK. I can’t be greedy!

[Anonymous]

I have two but kind of wish I only had one.

I love them both of course, and wouldn’t necessarily change it, but I miss the days of just one kid. My kids are 3 and 1 and life is very challenging right now.

[Anonymous]

I have my third kid on the way. At this point I'd hope no fourth, but who knows how I'll feel in three years. I'm a man, btw, and I feel the pressure normally comes from the woman. If you've got the money, I guess why not? You can use money to buy time if necessary (nanny, daycare, etc.). We also enjoy traveling so we ship the older kids off to the grandparents each summer and go on exotic vacations. Yes, a new baby will make that basically impossible. But, I assume in 2-3 years we will be back to it. I do think the payoff to each additional kid diminishes, though.

[MayaJ]

PP, what do you mean by "I do think the payoff to each additional kid diminishes, though"?

[Anonymous]

Love my life with one.

[Anonymous]

Five! 2 under 3 and the rest in elementary school. We both work FT demanding jobs. We have no family in the area. Just daycare, babysitters for date night, and some aftercare. We shift our schedules and one of us usually has to log back in after bedtime for a bit. It's hard and super awesome. When we ask for a table or book a reservation it shocks us that there are seven of us bc we truly have relationships with all of them as individuals (age appropriate), each other as a couple, and they do amongst themselves. When illness strikes it is BRUTAL. However, we can't figure out who we would delete . On any specific day, sure, there's a strong contender. But by the next day, that kid is over whatever hump and is truly lovely while another hits a rough patch. It's crazy and fun. The laundry and dishes are unimaginable. We've outsourced cleaning and house repair. We are not rich but def might be if we had just two. Lol. Life is too damn short. Go for it! Oh, and in anticipation of the "you are probably making your oldest parent" - nope. One of our most common phrases is that there are only two parents and they need to focus on being kids.

[Anonymous]

We have three and absolutely love it, but we also never worried about being overwhelmed with three or whether it was the right decision. That’s how I feel about four kids, and why we’re sticking with three. I think you should stop while you’re comfortable with what you have. It’s not fair to children to realize they were your breaking point only after you had them. You sound like your life with two is pretty great—and that’s awesome—but don’t expect that it will continue to be smooth sailing with three. If what you enjoy about your kids are the fun, easy parts, stop now. Feeling wistful passes; having another child is for the rest of your life.