Friend issue: how to deal with a copycat friend?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who seems to copy me a lot. If I buy a new pair of shoes or piece of clothing, she will ask me where I got them and then go buy them too. If I take up a new hobby, she will take it up too. If I go on vacation somewhere, she will soon go on vacation to the same place.

We are not close -- we're former colleagues and part of the same friend group. I always get along with her in person and she is a nice person. But the copying is starting to bug me. My BF says I should just take it as flattery, which I get, but it's started to make me feel self conscious and reluctant to share things because I feel like she's just looking for ideas. I'm also getting tired of always hearing "Oh yeah, Larla did/does that too!" or "Larla has that exact sweater!" when I'm talking to other people.

How do I deal with this? I have already really reduced my social media posting because I think she used to stalk it. But I still feel like she is kind of mimicking me all the time. I feel like the only thing I can do is just accept it, but in that case, how do I get it not to annoy me? I seem to be getting more annoyed with time, not less.

[Anonymous]

Is your friend Jennifer Jason Leigh?

[Anonymous]

Imitation is a form of flattery. She will stop. But she admires you. Enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Do you have any idea why she does this with you specifically?

[Anonymous]

I would feel flattered. I don't understand the annoyance. She really values your opinion, and she thinks you have good taste. Would you rather trade her for a ompetitive or jealous type who wishes they could ask but won't.

[Anonymous]

Stop telling her where you got everything and where you go on vacation and what your hobbies are. Talk about yourself less.

[Anonymous]

OP here. A few answers to questions:

- It’s been going on for years, so I don’t know that she is going to stop. It started when we worked together though it felt more normal then (trends tend to happen in shared workplaces). But it’s gone on for three years since then and seems to have gotten worse in the last year.

- I’m honestly not sure why it annoys me. It didn’t used to, but I don’t know if it’s just how long it’s gone on or what, but it bothers me now.

- I don’t share things about myself with her unless she asks directly. I actually started asking her a lot more questions about herself and trying to ficus conversation on her recently, specifically to get the focus off me. But she turns it around on me. I think she also kind of collects info on me from others. Fir instance, I had my bday dinner at a specific restaurant earlier in the spring and did not tell her about it or post about it on social. But then she just posted photos from her dinner at the same place. If it weren’t for the other stuff I’d assume coincidence, but it feels stalkery.

[Anonymous]

You should wear something hideous next time you see her and see if she copies it.

[Anonymous]

I have known two people in my life who have made a big deal about someone "copying" them. In both cases, these women were record-keeping, paranoid, selfish drama queens who had to BE the best and HAVE the best of everything, and the mere (paranoid) thought of anyone catching up to them burned them up inside!

No kind, easygoing, generous person is worried about copycats, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have known two people in my life who have made a big deal about someone "copying" them. In both cases, these women were record-keeping, paranoid, selfish drama queens who had to BE the best and HAVE the best of everything, and the mere (paranoid) thought of anyone catching up to them burned them up inside!

No kind, easygoing, generous person is worried about copycats, OP.

Wow, this seems unnecessarily harsh. I said I think she’s a nice person but just dislike this one behavior. I don’t think I’m record keeping at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have known two people in my life who have made a big deal about someone "copying" them. In both cases, these women were record-keeping, paranoid, selfish drama queens who had to BE the best and HAVE the best of everything, and the mere (paranoid) thought of anyone catching up to them burned them up inside!

No kind, easygoing, generous person is worried about copycats, OP.

Wow, this seems unnecessarily harsh. I said I think she’s a nice person but just dislike this one behavior. I don’t think I’m record keeping at all.

NP here. It's harsh but true, Time to grow up OP. Middle school is behind you now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have known two people in my life who have made a big deal about someone "copying" them. In both cases, these women were record-keeping, paranoid, selfish drama queens who had to BE the best and HAVE the best of everything, and the mere (paranoid) thought of anyone catching up to them burned them up inside!

No kind, easygoing, generous person is worried about copycats, OP.

Wow, this seems unnecessarily harsh. I said I think she’s a nice person but just dislike this one behavior. I don’t think I’m record keeping at all.

Also want to point out that this has nothing to do with having “the best”. I’m not like that at all. My clothes are mall brands. I am not that fancy. But that’s actually what makes this woman’s behavior do strange. It would make sense if I was rich and had tons of nice stuff and was jetting off on amazing vacations. But I’m not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have known two people in my life who have made a big deal about someone "copying" them. In both cases, these women were record-keeping, paranoid, selfish drama queens who had to BE the best and HAVE the best of everything, and the mere (paranoid) thought of anyone catching up to them burned them up inside!

No kind, easygoing, generous person is worried about copycats, OP.

Wow, this seems unnecessarily harsh. I said I think she’s a nice person but just dislike this one behavior. I don’t think I’m record keeping at all.

NP here. It's harsh but true, Time to grow up OP. Middle school is behind you now.

I think you are confusing my issue with unrelated experiences in your own life. Sorry you have dealt with drama queens in the past. I’m not like that and am looking for helpful advice on how to manage what feels like an awkward situation to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. A few answers to questions:

- It’s been going on for years, so I don’t know that she is going to stop. It started when we worked together though it felt more normal then (trends tend to happen in shared workplaces). But it’s gone on for three years since then and seems to have gotten worse in the last year.

- I’m honestly not sure why it annoys me. It didn’t used to, but I don’t know if it’s just how long it’s gone on or what, but it bothers me now.

- I don’t share things about myself with her unless she asks directly. I actually started asking her a lot more questions about herself and trying to ficus conversation on her recently, specifically to get the focus off me. But she turns it around on me. I think she also kind of collects info on me from others. Fir instance, I had my bday dinner at a specific restaurant earlier in the spring and did not tell her about it or post about it on social. But then she just posted photos from her dinner at the same place. If it weren’t for the other stuff I’d assume coincidence, but it feels stalkery.

Are you stalking her? Sounds like you are following her and obsessed with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. A few answers to questions:

- It’s been going on for years, so I don’t know that she is going to stop. It started when we worked together though it felt more normal then (trends tend to happen in shared workplaces). But it’s gone on for three years since then and seems to have gotten worse in the last year.

- I’m honestly not sure why it annoys me. It didn’t used to, but I don’t know if it’s just how long it’s gone on or what, but it bothers me now.

- I don’t share things about myself with her unless she asks directly. I actually started asking her a lot more questions about herself and trying to ficus conversation on her recently, specifically to get the focus off me. But she turns it around on me. I think she also kind of collects info on me from others. Fir instance, I had my bday dinner at a specific restaurant earlier in the spring and did not tell her about it or post about it on social. But then she just posted photos from her dinner at the same place. If it weren’t for the other stuff I’d assume coincidence, but it feels stalkery.

Are you stalking her? Sounds like you are following her and obsessed with her?

No. We follow each other on social media and see each other once or twice a week with other friends. I don’t seek her out.