Friend issue: how to deal with a copycat friend?

[Anonymous]

I’d just take it as a compliment. Chill.

[Anonymous]

Everyone in my neighborhood eats at the same places for casual or nights out (because we live in the same city and hear about the same things). This year several families copied my last year's vacation (of 3 stops with specific activities) exactly. I often see families I know states away on vacation unplanned. I don't assume anyone copies me but a good idea is a good idea. I once had a friend I worried about doing this. She made specific statements I had made to her previously. For me it was mortification that someone would think I was the copier if repeating my sentiments. Now I realize its just life and like minds/styles/good ideas. With time you will see how small of a deal this is.

[Anonymous]

OP I think your feelings are totally valid. I’ve heard of this behavior before, in fact I believe someone else here has posted about this before. It’s super creepy IMO.

[Anonymous]

I would stop telling her where you get things - "Oh, I don't remember."

I had a roommate who was a bit like this - we were good enough friends that I told her it bothered me a little.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like it's making your uncomfortable, OP. I get it. I would probably feel the same way, especially given the length of time it has been going on.

Can you distance yourself from her for a bit to see if it gets better? Limit or stop social media posts, make a point to hang out only with other friends. If you find yourself in a group with her, try to avoid talking to her and keep your distance. That's the only feasible way to deal with this, IMO. If you aren't as available, maybe she'll latch onto someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your friend Jennifer Jason Leigh?

Lol‼️
My first thought too.

Single. White. Female.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. A few answers to questions:

- It’s been going on for years, so I don’t know that she is going to stop. It started when we worked together though it felt more normal then (trends tend to happen in shared workplaces). But it’s gone on for three years since then and seems to have gotten worse in the last year.

- I’m honestly not sure why it annoys me. It didn’t used to, but I don’t know if it’s just how long it’s gone on or what, but it bothers me now.

- I don’t share things about myself with her unless she asks directly. I actually started asking her a lot more questions about herself and trying to ficus conversation on her recently, specifically to get the focus off me. But she turns it around on me. I think she also kind of collects info on me from others. Fir instance, I had my bday dinner at a specific restaurant earlier in the spring and did not tell her about it or post about it on social. But then she just posted photos from her dinner at the same place. If it weren’t for the other stuff I’d assume coincidence, but it feels stalkery.

Stop making up words. You sound like a 12 year old.

[Anonymous]

She sounds a little unbalanced, OP, to be honest. As if she can't come to decisions on her own and fixates on your choices so that she can just do what you do without having to address her own issues. This would make be uncomfortable too. It's not flattering like receiving occasional compliments from friends. It is stalker-ish, in a way.

I would start to fade away that friendship.

[Anonymous]

You see her once or twice a week?? Even in my single days I never saw friends that often, unless they were a roommate. This whole scenario just doesn’t ring true.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to grow up. Is anything she is doing hurting you? No. Keep it moving.

[Anonymous]

It would bug me. It’s like she’s eroding the uniqueness of your life by copying it. And she’s freeloading on your ideas. Don’t tell her where you bought stuff. How many times has she copied your vacation ideas?

[Anonymous]

Start saying you found it at a thrift store. Chances of her finding the same item are slim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like it's making your uncomfortable, OP. I get it. I would probably feel the same way, especially given the length of time it has been going on.

Can you distance yourself from her for a bit to see if it gets better? Limit or stop social media posts, make a point to hang out only with other friends. If you find yourself in a group with her, try to avoid talking to her and keep your distance. That's the only feasible way to deal with this, IMO. If you aren't as available, maybe she'll latch onto someone else.

I think this is the only answer- limit your interactions with her and start to fade the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Does she do this with other people? That’s super weird. I like the thrift store idea. I agree you need to limit interaction as you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like it's making your uncomfortable, OP. I get it. I would probably feel the same way, especially given the length of time it has been going on.

Can you distance yourself from her for a bit to see if it gets better? Limit or stop social media posts, make a point to hang out only with other friends. If you find yourself in a group with her, try to avoid talking to her and keep your distance. That's the only feasible way to deal with this, IMO. If you aren't as available, maybe she'll latch onto someone else.

I think this is the only answer- limit your interactions with her and start to fade the friendship.

OP here. Thanks, I think you are both right. I’ve already pretty much stopped posting to social media, but I think you are right that I just need more distance from her. I think what I’ve realized since posting this thread is that the reason this bothers me is that it doesn’t feel like friendship to me. It feels like she’s just using me for ideas. I never even get the sense that she likes me, more like I’m a resource for her. It probably is time to just fade out.