Losing guest room and inlaws
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Anonymous
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Our 3rd baby is due this summer. We have a 4 bedroom house. We'd hoped to eventually renovate our basement and put in a guest room down there, but there's been a shortage of contractors and lumber prices were $$$ putting it out of our reach this year.
Our youngest DS is 3 and is dying to move to his big boy room and a twin sized bed. We purchased all the furniture already and it's stacked in our master bedroom waiting. We'd promised him that when he was night dry for a week we'd move him (and turn nursery over to the new baby). Well he's been dry for a month at night and out of diapers. My inlaws are our only guests and we were hoping they'd come when the baby is born but they haven't said and dh won't ask further. They are very anti hotel room and so I know they wouldn't stay in a hotel when they visit, even if we paid. I'm not sure where to put them and I'm absolutely not giving up my bed. All our rooms are tiny and only have twin beds. The guest bedroom currently has a queen bed (squished against two walls), but it was too tiny for a dresser + queen, so we bought DS2 a twin. Plus then he'd have space on the floor to play. What do you all do when anti hotel people visit? Push both sons out of their twin beds and inlaws each take a room? Or should I wait until after the baby is born to give DS his new room? My parents are local and our friends and my family stay with them, but I don't think inlaws would stay there. |
Anonymous
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Can you put trundles under the two twin beds you have so that one kid can sleep in the other kids room when the ILs come and the ILs can sleep on the twin + trundle?
Or, buy two twin air mattresses instead of trundles, but do the same thing, with the advantage of the kids room air mattress can be deflated during the day so there is still some play space in that room. |
Anonymous
| is your basement fininsheD? could you just put a bed down there in a room, not necessarily a bedroom- that is what we have done. But ours is finished |
Anonymous
| I don't have a guest room and never will. My solution is to kick one of my kids out of their bedroom or offer an air mattress in another part of the house. |
Anonymous
OP here. No it's just used for storage and it's dirty. I mean it has no framing, no walls, no bathroom. It is huge and there's lots of windows, so eventually it will be a nice legal bedroom. |
Anonymous
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At some point, and you are at that point, houseguests just don't work. Is the basement totally unfinished or does it just not have a separate bedroom? Can you put a queen sleep sofa in the basement? What about the living room? Otherwise the trundle bed idea is a good one. Plus it may make your ILs less anti-hotel.
I would not delay setting up the bedrooms for the kids, especially if middle kid is anxious for a new room/bed. |
Anonymous
OP here. You'd put 70 year olds on an air mattress? Usually I would offer to sleep on an air mattress, but it's just not happening while I'm pregnant or postpartum. nope. |
Anonymous
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Since a visit from the IL is a possibility right after the baby is born and you have plans to build a guest space in the basement this plan would be for a single visit.
Move toddler into his big boy room and set it up for him as promised so that you are keeping your word and making a big deal about him being a big boy. This is a longterm move and one that has lasting impact on his confidence and his place in the family. Set up the crib in your room temporarily just for the in law visit when you have a newborn. Put the guest bed in the nursery for that single visit. This won't be ideal but you need functional not perfect for this one visit. Most grandparents that are anti hotel are also willing to sacrifice perfection for proximity to their grand kids. |
Anonymous
| Well, if DH won't ask, and they won't say if they are coming after the baby is here, then I say it is on DH to handle it if his parents make a surprise announcement to viist after a baby is born. There wasn't time to prep, so sorry, you are welcome to stay in a hotel. Or, DH can figure it all out since you'll be dealing with a newborn. This should not be your problem to own or solve. |
Anonymous
Yes the middle kid really wants his big boy room. We didn't think he'd be night dry for a long time, but he got it done and now wants to know where his big boy bed is. He totally called our bluff. |
Anonymous
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Agree with the PP that trundle beds can be a good solution (and are handy later for sleepovers when kids hit sleepover age). But also--anti-hotel? Is that due to cost or just fussiness or "we want to be with you and the grandkids 24/7"? I would really ask DH (not YOU-- your DH, as their adult child) to talk to them about this. To be blunt, you need to do what works best for your family and not just accommodate what works for the in-laws, plus, what is the plan for when all your bedrooms are fully occupied by you and kids? Turfing kids out of bedrooms will work less as the kids get older and bigger and need their space. I'd start establishing now that as long as you're in your current home, it's hotel time. But again, this is DH's job to manage. If they truly are on a limited budget, can you split the hotel cost with them or pay for it or say it's their Christmas gift etc.? At some point it's going to become a problem for them to stay in your house, frankly, and maybe now is the time to start the new "tradition" of their staying at a hotel. Sell it to them along lines of how much the kids will love going to the hotel pool; how the in-laws will have their own space and sleep better (especially when there's a new baby crying etc.); how they surely don't want your DS to wait longer for his big boy room since he has done so well staying dry; etc. DH says all this to them, not you. If they do the "But we've always stayed with you" "It's a tradition" thing, again, make it the new tradition. It will be forced on everyone anyway as the kids get older. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| We have a pull out couch. People can stay on the pull out couch, stay in a hotel, or not come. You are under no obligation to host guests if it doesn't work for you. |
Anonymous
It does sound nice! I’d get way more creative with the basement space. Hire professional cleaners for a deep clean, get some wall partitions to segregate the “bedroom,” get a nice rug, maybe even paint the cinderblock white. One thing I did was buy giant canvases painted mostly solid colors, random abstract vibes, to cover up ugly wiring and things on the walls. We used our completely unfinished basement as flex guest sleep space for a couple years before finally finishing. You’d be surprised how livable it can be. |
Anonymous
| This is your in laws problem. Give your poor kid the room you promised him. You are going to do it eventually anyway. They are adults and will have to figure out how to stay at a hotel. |