All my friends are fake

[Anonymous]

Realizing that I belong to a friend group with a lot of fake people who never really liked me and seem more wrapped up in whatever they have going on and I'm just an accessory.

Now I'm early 30s and realize I dont like the vast majority of my friends, but it's hard to start over at this age and make new friends without school, working remotely, etc.

I guess the question is... has anyone had a similar life realization and what to do about it? I would love to commit to not hanging out with any of them anymore but I fear if I do I will never go out again and after this pandemic it's hard to be cooped up. But they're all so self centered and it's just a drag. I wish I had been more discerning when younger

[Anonymous]

It’s unlikely they are “all fake”. You are looking for deeper social connections, and it sounds like your friend group right now is more of a “casual hang” group. I would see if you could develop closer connections to a couple of the people you like the most and see where it goes. Maybe ask one if they want to take a class with you (drawing, photography, ballet— whatever). Or, now that people are vaccinated, do a weekend away with a smaller group, at a beach house or camping or something.

And you can cast a wider net, too. As I mentioned, take a class. Join a softball league. Take a side job at a small business you really like. There are lots of ways to meet people as an adult, but just like with dating, you have to pot yourself out there and accept that not every one you meet is “the one.” But if you stay open and keep trying new things, you will meet people and make meaningful friendships.

[Anonymous]

I came into this realization in my 20s. We naturally distressed from each other and also naturally gravitated towards more complimentary personality types. No hard feelings but after many years the various “sects” vs growing up still have some connective tissue that is strong and durable.

I’ve thought about this - most of my adult friends came through my career and relationships built during 30s with an admirable selection from grade school that refined over time and helped me do the same!

To experience delete you have to be willing to treat in deep waters. That isn’t alqYs easy to do, so go at your pace and respond to complimentary behaviour and attitudes that further your innocent interest for a higher quality of personal connections.

[Anonymous]

Fun AI. To experience “the deep” (authentic and meaningful emotional connection with other adults) you have to know/be willing to tread in deep waters. Can you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fun AI. To experience “the deep” (authentic and meaningful emotional connection with other adults) you have to know/be willing to tread in deep waters. Can you?

Yes, I am perfectly fine with going deep and have that with a few friends. But it's rare I find someone I actually want to go really deep with (i.e. talk about traumas or whatever). A lot of people simply arent that intelligent or insightful, ime. Wish I could find more people where there was a really deep energetic match, between what we think is fun, compelling, interesting, challenging, etc. it always seems like one of those things is just... out of sync.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fun AI. To experience “the deep” (authentic and meaningful emotional connection with other adults) you have to know/be willing to tread in deep waters. Can you?

Yes, I am perfectly fine with going deep and have that with a few friends. But it's rare I find someone I actually want to go really deep with (i.e. talk about traumas or whatever). A lot of people simply arent that intelligent or insightful, ime. Wish I could find more people where there was a really deep energetic match, between what we think is fun, compelling, interesting, challenging, etc. it always seems like one of those things is just... out of sync.

This tells me that you're the problem -- not them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fun AI. To experience “the deep” (authentic and meaningful emotional connection with other adults) you have to know/be willing to tread in deep waters. Can you?

Yes, I am perfectly fine with going deep and have that with a few friends. But it's rare I find someone I actually want to go really deep with (i.e. talk about traumas or whatever). A lot of people simply arent that intelligent or insightful, ime. Wish I could find more people where there was a really deep energetic match, between what we think is fun, compelling, interesting, challenging, etc. it always seems like one of those things is just... out of sync.

This tells me that you're the problem -- not them.

Well, I mean, I have a tested very high IQ, so maybe I am "the problem", statistically speaking. I certainly don't find many people that I find I can truly have an intellectually exciting conversation with. And it's disappointing, because I'm an extrovert, and would love to be able to "go there" with more people. But I can't control my IQ, my intellectual threshold, or anything like that. And frankly, settling for being friends with people who aren't as intelligent has been really unfulfilling to me. So maybe these kinds of gifts are isolating. I wish there was a solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fun AI. To experience “the deep” (authentic and meaningful emotional connection with other adults) you have to know/be willing to tread in deep waters. Can you?

Yes, I am perfectly fine with going deep and have that with a few friends. But it's rare I find someone I actually want to go really deep with (i.e. talk about traumas or whatever). A lot of people simply arent that intelligent or insightful, ime. Wish I could find more people where there was a really deep energetic match, between what we think is fun, compelling, interesting, challenging, etc. it always seems like one of those things is just... out of sync.

This tells me that you're the problem -- not them.

Well, I mean, I have a tested very high IQ, so maybe I am "the problem", statistically speaking. I certainly don't find many people that I find I can truly have an intellectually exciting conversation with. And it's disappointing, because I'm an extrovert, and would love to be able to "go there" with more people. But I can't control my IQ, my intellectual threshold, or anything like that. And frankly, settling for being friends with people who aren't as intelligent has been really unfulfilling to me. So maybe these kinds of gifts are isolating. I wish there was a solution.

Wow. If you are anywhere close to this insufferable in person, it's a wonder you have any friends -- fake or otherwise -- at all. Enjoy your "gift," genius.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fun AI. To experience “the deep” (authentic and meaningful emotional connection with other adults) you have to know/be willing to tread in deep waters. Can you?

Yes, I am perfectly fine with going deep and have that with a few friends. But it's rare I find someone I actually want to go really deep with (i.e. talk about traumas or whatever). A lot of people simply arent that intelligent or insightful, ime. Wish I could find more people where there was a really deep energetic match, between what we think is fun, compelling, interesting, challenging, etc. it always seems like one of those things is just... out of sync.

PP again. I understand. You have to do what you enjoy, no matter how trivial it is. Then you find like minded souls. It has always worked this way, universally. Everyone has at least one soul mate (IMO rare friends can be soul mates and your synergy is just magnetically compatible).

The suggestions for activities are a great start. The other thing is — just be where you want to be. If that is outside, with a relative, at a bookstore or clothing store - be there. You meet a lot of people when you’re enjoying what you do. It is great that you are open to more in Dept than connections but fir the surface needs of compatibility you have to get out of the house and find someone that likes what you like.

For some people thiswas easier to do in college.others gained confidence as their identity was formed without fear and met more people that way. Do what you love. And if you don’t love anything, please be advised you are at risk for attracting blood sucking vampires. You’re not too old to try what you like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fun AI. To experience “the deep” (authentic and meaningful emotional connection with other adults) you have to know/be willing to tread in deep waters. Can you?

Yes, I am perfectly fine with going deep and have that with a few friends. But it's rare I find someone I actually want to go really deep with (i.e. talk about traumas or whatever). A lot of people simply arent that intelligent or insightful, ime. Wish I could find more people where there was a really deep energetic match, between what we think is fun, compelling, interesting, challenging, etc. it always seems like one of those things is just... out of sync.

This tells me that you're the problem -- not them.

Well, I mean, I have a tested very high IQ, so maybe I am "the problem", statistically speaking. I certainly don't find many people that I find I can truly have an intellectually exciting conversation with. And it's disappointing, because I'm an extrovert, and would love to be able to "go there" with more people. But I can't control my IQ, my intellectual threshold, or anything like that. And frankly, settling for being friends with people who aren't as intelligent has been really unfulfilling to me. So maybe these kinds of gifts are isolating. I wish there was a solution.

Wow. If you are anywhere close to this insufferable in person, it's a wonder you have any friends -- fake or otherwise -- at all. Enjoy your "gift," genius.

People are offended by intelligence. Go to places and sources of info where you find joy maybe it is a museum. Participate in a curated convo. Go live. The rest will come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fun AI. To experience “the deep” (authentic and meaningful emotional connection with other adults) you have to know/be willing to tread in deep waters. Can you?

Yes, I am perfectly fine with going deep and have that with a few friends. But it's rare I find someone I actually want to go really deep with (i.e. talk about traumas or whatever). A lot of people simply arent that intelligent or insightful, ime. Wish I could find more people where there was a really deep energetic match, between what we think is fun, compelling, interesting, challenging, etc. it always seems like one of those things is just... out of sync.

This tells me that you're the problem -- not them.

Well, I mean, I have a tested very high IQ, so maybe I am "the problem", statistically speaking. I certainly don't find many people that I find I can truly have an intellectually exciting conversation with. And it's disappointing, because I'm an extrovert, and would love to be able to "go there" with more people. But I can't control my IQ, my intellectual threshold, or anything like that. And frankly, settling for being friends with people who aren't as intelligent has been really unfulfilling to me. So maybe these kinds of gifts are isolating. I wish there was a solution.

Wow. If you are anywhere close to this insufferable in person, it's a wonder you have any friends -- fake or otherwise -- at all. Enjoy your "gift," genius.

Not sure why this offends you so much. Obviously people are going to have different intellectual capacities, along with interests, physical abilities, etc. It seems to me you have to have some commonality in the major areas to get along well, just as a statement of fact, and I do think I'm limited since I'm in the higher percentage. There's been a lot of talk about how higher intelligence levels can be lonely, but I guess we're not supposed to say that part out loud? So some people dont get offended....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fun AI. To experience “the deep” (authentic and meaningful emotional connection with other adults) you have to know/be willing to tread in deep waters. Can you?

Yes, I am perfectly fine with going deep and have that with a few friends. But it's rare I find someone I actually want to go really deep with (i.e. talk about traumas or whatever). A lot of people simply arent that intelligent or insightful, ime. Wish I could find more people where there was a really deep energetic match, between what we think is fun, compelling, interesting, challenging, etc. it always seems like one of those things is just... out of sync.

This tells me that you're the problem -- not them.

Well, I mean, I have a tested very high IQ, so maybe I am "the problem", statistically speaking. I certainly don't find many people that I find I can truly have an intellectually exciting conversation with. And it's disappointing, because I'm an extrovert, and would love to be able to "go there" with more people. But I can't control my IQ, my intellectual threshold, or anything like that. And frankly, settling for being friends with people who aren't as intelligent has been really unfulfilling to me. So maybe these kinds of gifts are isolating. I wish there was a solution.

Wow. If you are anywhere close to this insufferable in person, it's a wonder you have any friends -- fake or otherwise -- at all. Enjoy your "gift," genius.

People are offended by intelligence. Go to places and sources of info where you find joy maybe it is a museum. Participate in a curated convo. Go live. The rest will come.

Thanks. This is a really good idea. I will say I was a major underachiever in high school and went to a college way below my testing levels because my grades were so awful. I do tend to have really stimulating conversations with some of my high school friends who went to more elite schools, whereas I went to a somewhat rural party school because I wanted an easy route and was dealing with a lot. I often feel like, if I could redo things or get into a group with more intelligent types, that I would be a lot more satisfied. Not in a braggy way, just I am so sick of certain dead end conversations and it's gotten to a point where I feel lonely with almost all of my friends from college, which is where most of my friendships arose from.

[Anonymous]

Also- It’s OK to have groups of friends that for fill difference of your needs—

Friends that like to go out

Friends that are good listener

Friends through work or your kids school

And maybe you need some new friends in the category of intellectually stimulating so agree with the museum or book club or other outlet

I don’t necessarily get rid of friends that satisfy other areas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fun AI. To experience “the deep” (authentic and meaningful emotional connection with other adults) you have to know/be willing to tread in deep waters. Can you?

Yes, I am perfectly fine with going deep and have that with a few friends. But it's rare I find someone I actually want to go really deep with (i.e. talk about traumas or whatever). A lot of people simply arent that intelligent or insightful, ime. Wish I could find more people where there was a really deep energetic match, between what we think is fun, compelling, interesting, challenging, etc. it always seems like one of those things is just... out of sync.

This tells me that you're the problem -- not them.

Well, I mean, I have a tested very high IQ, so maybe I am "the problem", statistically speaking. I certainly don't find many people that I find I can truly have an intellectually exciting conversation with. And it's disappointing, because I'm an extrovert, and would love to be able to "go there" with more people. But I can't control my IQ, my intellectual threshold, or anything like that. And frankly, settling for being friends with people who aren't as intelligent has been really unfulfilling to me. So maybe these kinds of gifts are isolating. I wish there was a solution.

It’s you, you’re just not likeable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also- It’s OK to have groups of friends that for fill difference of your needs—

Friends that like to go out

Friends that are good listener

Friends through work or your kids school

And maybe you need some new friends in the category of intellectually stimulating so agree with the museum or book club or other outlet

I don’t necessarily get rid of friends that satisfy other areas

+1
Not everyone is going to be as smart/ funny/ outgoing/ shy/ serious/ fill in the blank as you, but that's why it's good to have a roster of different people for different purposes. Though I totally understand your frustration and think many go through the same thing