All my friends are fake

[Anonymous]

I also have a high IQ and I have met many highly intelligent people through work, and we have become friends. OP, is your work environment not particularly intellectually stimulating? Could you look for a different job? There are brilliant, fascinating people in some Federal programs (although some not so much). I'm at HHS-- you could try NIH or FDA if your qualifications match up with any available positions. Another thought is a book club.

Also, I think you are right about your college experience not setting you up with the types of friends you want now. I went to an elite school where most people studied 24/7, and I found the party crowd there to be made up of people who were both really smart and loved fun. They are still my good friends. There are successful adults who are still like this. But they're harder to find or identify.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. My best friend from home didn’t care about school and went to a party college. She was having a blast with her life until about 28 when, over a long dinner during Christmas break, she confided that she felt like all her friends were really not very smart. Mean to say, but trying to paint a picture here.

I did attend an Ivy and had long noticed that while her friends were fun and kind, they were a bit superficial. I encouraged her to find more friends, but I think it underscores your point. She told me then she felt like she had no way to make the situation better.

[Anonymous]

OP, where are you in life? Are you in a fulfilling career? Married? Kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also have a high IQ and I have met many highly intelligent people through work, and we have become friends. OP, is your work environment not particularly intellectually stimulating? Could you look for a different job? There are brilliant, fascinating people in some Federal programs (although some not so much). I'm at HHS-- you could try NIH or FDA if your qualifications match up with any available positions. Another thought is a book club.

Also, I think you are right about your college experience not setting you up with the types of friends you want now. I went to an elite school where most people studied 24/7, and I found the party crowd there to be made up of people who were both really smart and loved fun. They are still my good friends. There are successful adults who are still like this. But they're harder to find or identify.

My work is not as intellectually satisfying, although I do really love it, and wouldn't necessarily be interested in switching fields. I wonder if there was a way to enter or find highly intelligent people who are in the party set, like you described. I think that would be perfect for me. Unfortunately I feel like most of these people form kind of closed off cliques, which I completely understand, but it stinks since I missed the boat completely. And I cant really think of a way of bridging that. I do think a lot of these problems are due to me being lackadaisical and just tolerating the bare minimum for my life when I was younger, and now having to course correct. But it's 1000% my fault and do to my past choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, where are you in life? Are you in a fulfilling career? Married? Kids?

Single, I do have a fulfilling career although not making quite as much money as I'd like but on the right trajectory. No kids but would like them. In an urban area and it's been even harder to meet people over the past year which I think has highlighted my lack of satisfaction even more than before

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, where are you in life? Are you in a fulfilling career? Married? Kids?

Single, I do have a fulfilling career although not making quite as much money as I'd like but on the right trajectory. No kids but would like them. In an urban area and it's been even harder to meet people over the past year which I think has highlighted my lack of satisfaction even more than before

And what are you passionate about? What are the intellectual pursuits you wish you had someone to discuss with? What can you talk endlessly about and not get bored?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, where are you in life? Are you in a fulfilling career? Married? Kids?

Single, I do have a fulfilling career although not making quite as much money as I'd like but on the right trajectory. No kids but would like them. In an urban area and it's been even harder to meet people over the past year which I think has highlighted my lack of satisfaction even more than before

And what are you passionate about? What are the intellectual pursuits you wish you had someone to discuss with? What can you talk endlessly about and not get bored?

Honestly, and this is probably where the rub is, pop culture and entertainment, like celebrity gossip and stuff. And other random interests that DCUM would probably look down upon. Nothing super highbrow where you would go to a meeting and expect to find a bunch of geniuses. I'm not into chess or birdwatching or anything along those lines. I just wish I had someone to have girltalk with who it seems like really got me, and was really witty and the conversation was fulfilling and quick. I know there are plenty of women who exist in that world and see them out there in the world, but not the social group I inhabit. I guess I do like photography.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, where are you in life? Are you in a fulfilling career? Married? Kids?

Single, I do have a fulfilling career although not making quite as much money as I'd like but on the right trajectory. No kids but would like them. In an urban area and it's been even harder to meet people over the past year which I think has highlighted my lack of satisfaction even more than before

And what are you passionate about? What are the intellectual pursuits you wish you had someone to discuss with? What can you talk endlessly about and not get bored?

Honestly, and this is probably where the rub is, pop culture and entertainment, like celebrity gossip and stuff. And other random interests that DCUM would probably look down upon. Nothing super highbrow where you would go to a meeting and expect to find a bunch of geniuses. I'm not into chess or birdwatching or anything along those lines. I just wish I had someone to have girltalk with who it seems like really got me, and was really witty and the conversation was fulfilling and quick. I know there are plenty of women who exist in that world and see them out there in the world, but not the social group I inhabit. I guess I do like photography.

Why don't you just date someone? Seems like you would get more out of that type of relationship than what you have now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, where are you in life? Are you in a fulfilling career? Married? Kids?

Single, I do have a fulfilling career although not making quite as much money as I'd like but on the right trajectory. No kids but would like them. In an urban area and it's been even harder to meet people over the past year which I think has highlighted my lack of satisfaction even more than before

And what are you passionate about? What are the intellectual pursuits you wish you had someone to discuss with? What can you talk endlessly about and not get bored?

Honestly, and this is probably where the rub is, pop culture and entertainment, like celebrity gossip and stuff. And other random interests that DCUM would probably look down upon. Nothing super highbrow where you would go to a meeting and expect to find a bunch of geniuses. I'm not into chess or birdwatching or anything along those lines. I just wish I had someone to have girltalk with who it seems like really got me, and was really witty and the conversation was fulfilling and quick. I know there are plenty of women who exist in that world and see them out there in the world, but not the social group I inhabit. I guess I do like photography.

Why don't you just date someone? Seems like you would get more out of that type of relationship than what you have now.

That's what I'm thinking. I've had relationships, but always got the majority of my emotional fulfillment from friends. I have a somewhat negative view of men and relationships from my parents' relationship and divorce (and some of the horror stories on here), but starting to think that would be the best option for me for what I'm looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, where are you in life? Are you in a fulfilling career? Married? Kids?

Single, I do have a fulfilling career although not making quite as much money as I'd like but on the right trajectory. No kids but would like them. In an urban area and it's been even harder to meet people over the past year which I think has highlighted my lack of satisfaction even more than before

And what are you passionate about? What are the intellectual pursuits you wish you had someone to discuss with? What can you talk endlessly about and not get bored?

Honestly, and this is probably where the rub is, pop culture and entertainment, like celebrity gossip and stuff. And other random interests that DCUM would probably look down upon. Nothing super highbrow where you would go to a meeting and expect to find a bunch of geniuses. I'm not into chess or birdwatching or anything along those lines. I just wish I had someone to have girltalk with who it seems like really got me, and was really witty and the conversation was fulfilling and quick. I know there are plenty of women who exist in that world and see them out there in the world, but not the social group I inhabit. I guess I do like photography.

This won't cure your social issue but the r/BravoRealHousewives subreddit has a shockingly witty and smart following/community for discussing Housewives. I met my best girlfriends for this type of stuff at yoga, a cycling group for triathletes, and in a running group, not anything high-brow. There is a lot of overlap between highly driven professionals (who presumably will be mostly smart) and endurance sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, where are you in life? Are you in a fulfilling career? Married? Kids?

Single, I do have a fulfilling career although not making quite as much money as I'd like but on the right trajectory. No kids but would like them. In an urban area and it's been even harder to meet people over the past year which I think has highlighted my lack of satisfaction even more than before

And what are you passionate about? What are the intellectual pursuits you wish you had someone to discuss with? What can you talk endlessly about and not get bored?

Honestly, and this is probably where the rub is, pop culture and entertainment, like celebrity gossip and stuff. And other random interests that DCUM would probably look down upon. Nothing super highbrow where you would go to a meeting and expect to find a bunch of geniuses. I'm not into chess or birdwatching or anything along those lines. I just wish I had someone to have girltalk with who it seems like really got me, and was really witty and the conversation was fulfilling and quick. I know there are plenty of women who exist in that world and see them out there in the world, but not the social group I inhabit. I guess I do like photography.

PP here. So have you tried out places like the subreddit for whatever shows you’re into, or gossip or whatever? It’s not the same as in-person but it might scratch that itch.

Also have to second the other PP - maybe be on the lookout for a significant other? You could find your intellectual equal and maybe meet new like-minded friends through them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, where are you in life? Are you in a fulfilling career? Married? Kids?

Single, I do have a fulfilling career although not making quite as much money as I'd like but on the right trajectory. No kids but would like them. In an urban area and it's been even harder to meet people over the past year which I think has highlighted my lack of satisfaction even more than before

And what are you passionate about? What are the intellectual pursuits you wish you had someone to discuss with? What can you talk endlessly about and not get bored?

Honestly, and this is probably where the rub is, pop culture and entertainment, like celebrity gossip and stuff. And other random interests that DCUM would probably look down upon. Nothing super highbrow where you would go to a meeting and expect to find a bunch of geniuses. I'm not into chess or birdwatching or anything along those lines. I just wish I had someone to have girltalk with who it seems like really got me, and was really witty and the conversation was fulfilling and quick. I know there are plenty of women who exist in that world and see them out there in the world, but not the social group I inhabit. I guess I do like photography.

This won't cure your social issue but the r/BravoRealHousewives subreddit has a shockingly witty and smart following/community for discussing Housewives. I met my best girlfriends for this type of stuff at yoga, a cycling group for triathletes, and in a running group, not anything high-brow. There is a lot of overlap between highly driven professionals (who presumably will be mostly smart) and endurance sports.

Yes! I have seen that place and there are some super smart and funny women. Just wish i could run into them IRL. I do do some working out although it's mostly solitary, so maybe I could try joining some kind of athletics group

[Anonymous]

I can't stop looking at this thread. OP is truly fascinating. A true intellectual who can't find anyone deep enough to discuss celebrity gossip in meaningful banter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't stop looking at this thread. OP is truly fascinating. A true intellectual who can't find anyone deep enough to discuss celebrity gossip in meaningful banter.

Oops... your internalized misogyny is showing...