If you are a parent, how do you see people who aren’t?

[Anonymous]

We wanted kids, tried all the things, nothing worked. That ship has sailed. It’ll always hurt. But we have good lives, and know it. Parenthood is such a life-defining and -changing experience. How do you see people who don’t have kids? Do you feel bad for them? Don’t really think about it? What advice would you give your childless self? Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad if I know they wanted children and were unable to do so. Otherwise, I assume they are rich and well rested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad if I know they wanted children and were unable to do so. Otherwise, I assume they are rich and well rested.

This exactly!

[Anonymous]

I don't really think about it unless someone is talking to me about it.

[Anonymous]

What do you care OP? Do you judge someone who says they’re childfree by choice?

[Anonymous]

I see them the same as I see anyone else - as a person who is either like to get to know or not (not only if they’re jerks), and then see them as who they are.

Being a parent doesn’t define who a person is. Parenting can create time constraints and take a person away from their favorite hobbies for a while, but it doesn’t make them less or more than someone who isn’t a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see them the same as I see anyone else - as a person who is either like to get to know or not (not only if they’re jerks), and then see them as who they are.

Being a parent doesn’t define who a person is. Parenting can create time constraints and take a person away from their favorite hobbies for a while, but it doesn’t make them less or more than someone who isn’t a parent.

This. They made their choice and i made mine.

[Anonymous]

The people who feel badly for non-parents probably only see a deficiency. They probably have pretty narrow, sheltered lives.

[Anonymous]

I see child-free adults as amazing additions to my kids lives (my BFF and nanny are child-free) and love my kids above all else. Adults, other than who love and cherish your kids are a true gift to them. I know as my Godmother is child-free and was a huge support and true gift to me. She’s serving in the Peace Corp now at 67 and my own kids are thrilled by her adventures.

You can have a great influence on a child’s life without being a parent, OP.

[Anonymous]

Completely different that you wanted them but it didn't work out.

I give like 10% thought to people who didn't have children but could have, but didn't want them. I think they have denied themselves having a full life, the full human experience.

However, again, different from you. You have recognized that there does exist a loss. I am sorry for your loss, btw. I think your loss will be apparent to others, on some level, spoken or not.

[Anonymous]

I think child-free people are rich and thin. And free. And more interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think child-free people are rich and thin. And free. And more interesting.

They usually have more money and free time but more loneliness and regrets. I feel sorry for them, but also feel like tell them that parenthood is not all rainbows and butterflies and they should take that into account.

[Anonymous]

I don't really see them as anything as a whole. If I know they wanted kids but didn't for whatever reason I recognise their loss and try to keep that in mind with talking about my own kid. My best friend didn't have kids because she was concerned about repeating the cycle of abuse and mental health issues in her own family. I admire her because I know she wanted kids but didn't want to mess them up. My friends who just don't want kids I'm slightly jealous of their carefree lives.

[Anonymous]

I don't think of them any differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad if I know they wanted children and were unable to do so. Otherwise, I assume they are rich and well rested.

Me too. Although I know nobody wants to be pitied. I usually assume people have made their peace with things just like anything else in life.