If you are a parent, how do you see people who aren’t?

[Anonymous]

I never, ever make assumptions. If I like the couple, I let them know how much they’re welcome to always join, to their comfort level.

[Anonymous]

I think they are smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At this stage in my life with young kids I feel that they are different and we can’t really be friends. It’s hard to be friends of onlies TBH because having 3 is such a different ball game. Our lives at the moment are centered around our kids 100%. I think and hope that once our kids are older we can have parts of our lives back and then I don’t see why we could not be friends with childless people.

It’s not so much that I don’t like or don’t want to be friends with people like you, is that right now, we have zero in common. I hope that will change in the future.

As per what I think about them, I feel bad if they wanted to be parents, but couldn’t. Otherwise, kudos to them for choosing an adventurous and fun life!

You won't be friends with anyone because you have jettisoned everyone who is different than you (seriously, you can't imagine being friends with parents of an only child ). So good luck finding all those friends once you decide you're ready for them again.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At this stage in my life with young kids I feel that they are different and we can’t really be friends. It’s hard to be friends of onlies TBH because having 3 is such a different ball game. Our lives at the moment are centered around our kids 100%. I think and hope that once our kids are older we can have parts of our lives back and then I don’t see why we could not be friends with childless people.

It’s not so much that I don’t like or don’t want to be friends with people like you, is that right now, we have zero in common. I hope that will change in the future.

As per what I think about them, I feel bad if they wanted to be parents, but couldn’t. Otherwise, kudos to them for choosing an adventurous and fun life!

You won't be friends with anyone because you have jettisoned everyone who is different than you (seriously, you can't imagine being friends with parents of an only child ). So good luck finding all those friends once you decide you're ready for them again.

+1. I have two small kids and have several childless friends. They are probably better friends to me than my friends with kids. I LIKE having friends where the conversations don't inevitably end up being about kids.

I guess you have different friends. All of my friends have kids (except for 2 that live out of the country and therefore I never see). If I were to meet a childless person (new in my life), I would have zero time to dedicate to that friendship. My 3 kids, my job and the friends I already have take up 100% of my time. I could invite this childless person to kids friendly activities (that is how I also hangout with my friends), but I don’t see how a friendship could blossom right now. It’s about interests and things to talk about, it’s about time away from the kids that I don’t have right now.

My childless friends (those that live abroad) are by far the most fun and interesting friends I have, but even if they lived here, I would not be able to see them much.

[Anonymous]

Out of my four or five closest friends, only two are parents and the rest are child free. It makes no difference to me. I love my kids but I don’t want to talk about kids and parenting all the time. I love my close friends for who they are, not their parenting status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At this stage in my life with young kids I feel that they are different and we can’t really be friends. It’s hard to be friends of onlies TBH because having 3 is such a different ball game. Our lives at the moment are centered around our kids 100%. I think and hope that once our kids are older we can have parts of our lives back and then I don’t see why we could not be friends with childless people.

It’s not so much that I don’t like or don’t want to be friends with people like you, is that right now, we have zero in common. I hope that will change in the future.

As per what I think about them, I feel bad if they wanted to be parents, but couldn’t. Otherwise, kudos to them for choosing an adventurous and fun life!

You won't be friends with anyone because you have jettisoned everyone who is different than you (seriously, you can't imagine being friends with parents of an only child ). So good luck finding all those friends once you decide you're ready for them again.

+1. I have two small kids and have several childless friends. They are probably better friends to me than my friends with kids. I LIKE having friends where the conversations don't inevitably end up being about kids.

I guess you have different friends. All of my friends have kids (except for 2 that live out of the country and therefore I never see). If I were to meet a childless person (new in my life), I would have zero time to dedicate to that friendship. My 3 kids, my job and the friends I already have take up 100% of my time. I could invite this childless person to kids friendly activities (that is how I also hangout with my friends), but I don’t see how a friendship could blossom right now. It’s about interests and things to talk about, it’s about time away from the kids that I don’t have right now.

My childless friends (those that live abroad) are by far the most fun and interesting friends I have, but even if they lived here, I would not CHOOSE see them much.

Fixed it for you.

You are CHOOSING to spend time with your friends with kids. That's fine, but your dismissive attitude is quite petty. I have several friends without kids and I manage to spend time with them even though I have two young kids and work a full-time job and take care of an elderly parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok I will be honest - I think emotionally they don’t have the same level of maturity. They can’t understand the emotions of of unconditional love that comes with being parent and so there are so many issues and experiences in life that they react to in a younger way. Even if they are 60+

I have childless friends and I like them and hang out with them but sometimes they way the react to situations makes me smile benignly bc they can’t help it.

You’re a child, PP. You need to develop a life beyond your poor children and find purpose. You’re the one who sounds stunningly immature.

+1

How can anyone have lived on this planet any length of time and not have grasped that parenthood conveys no special maturity or morality? Most of the biggest human monsters who ever lived were parents, PP. You are stunningly obtuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok I will be honest - I think emotionally they don’t have the same level of maturity. They can’t understand the emotions of of unconditional love that comes with being parent and so there are so many issues and experiences in life that they react to in a younger way. Even if they are 60+

I have childless friends and I like them and hang out with them but sometimes they way the react to situations makes me smile benignly bc they can’t help it.

Nonsense. Having children isn't the only form of unconditional love. I mean, I get that some parents need to believe that it is, but it isn't. I have nieces and nephews I love unconditionally. No, it's not the same as parental love, but it's unconditional.

Honestly, your response to the question shows an emotional immaturity - to think that people who don't have kids all respond in the same way to life events indicates you have very little experience outside of your world/bubble. Also, please feel free to head over to YouTube and check out the thousands of videos of parents behaving in a "younger" immature way when things in their lives don't go the way they want them to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We wanted kids, tried all the things, nothing worked. That ship has sailed. It’ll always hurt. But we have good lives, and know it. Parenthood is such a life-defining and -changing experience. How do you see people who don’t have kids? Do you feel bad for them? Don’t really think about it? What advice would you give your childless self? Thank you.

Interesting post and many interesting responses. We wanted kids, had challenges, then successive success. The challenges took time so we are older parents. I know a number of folks who wanted kids and it didn't happen. Some are married, some are single. Perhaps because this journey took a bit of time for us, I generally wonder if a childless couple/person wanted kids (whom I've either never met or had this discussion) and may try to be mindful (not jabber on too much about the kids, etc). I saw via FB recently that a former colleague and her DH had a baby. She often requested that colleagues not check their phones/texts during work meetings - largely agree - but remained adamant when parents said they needed to do so during daily transitions (e.g., kids getting picked up from school, etc). I now think that her obstinacy on the latter may be due to the long time it took her and her DH to conceive.

I've tried hard to be w/o kids when I see friends w/o kids, though probably more so when my kids were younger. And now it is much easier as my kids are in late teens, who radiate their own "stay away" energy to adults - LOL.

For my childless self, I would hope that I could open my heart to connections with children of friends and relatives.

I try to imagine folks' lives and extend empathy. Everyone has a story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok I will be honest - I think emotionally they don’t have the same level of maturity. They can’t understand the emotions of of unconditional love that comes with being parent and so there are so many issues and experiences in life that they react to in a younger way. Even if they are 60+

I have childless friends and I like them and hang out with them but sometimes they way the react to situations makes me smile benignly bc they can’t help it.

Nonsense. Having children isn't the only form of unconditional love. I mean, I get that some parents need to believe that it is, but it isn't. I have nieces and nephews I love unconditionally. No, it's not the same as parental love, but it's unconditional.

Honestly, your response to the question shows an emotional immaturity - to think that people who don't have kids all respond in the same way to life events indicates you have very little experience outside of your world/bubble. Also, please feel free to head over to YouTube and check out the thousands of videos of parents behaving in a "younger" immature way when things in their lives don't go the way they want them to.

Thanks for posting this. While DH and I now have kids, we were childless for the first six years his sister had kids. SIL refused to let us sit for her kids because we knew "nothing about children." Also prattled on how we just didn't know the love of children. Over two decades later, alas, and she is just as clueless about why there is conflict as she was when she made those comments.