If you are a parent, how do you see people who aren’t?

[Anonymous]

We couldn’t have bio-children so we adopted. I know it’s a really pat answer but it’s been my greatest joy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We wanted kids, tried all the things, nothing worked. That ship has sailed. It’ll always hurt. But we have good lives, and know it. Parenthood is such a life-defining and -changing experience. How do you see people who don’t have kids? Do you feel bad for them? Don’t really think about it? What advice would you give your childless self? Thank you.

I feel bad if they wanted kids, tried and it didn't happen but that was almost our situation after many years of trying to adopt, and right when we were giving up it happened.

We have several childless friends. They are wonderful to our child and more of an aunt/uncle that our child's real aunt/uncle. We see them with our child and without (one of us will go out while the other is home with the kid). If something happens to us we want one of the women friends to take our child vs. our friends with kids as we think they will be more loving/attentive and have a better connection.

I don't define people by if they have kids, how many kids, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Completely different that you wanted them but it didn't work out.

I give like 10% thought to people who didn't have children but could have, but didn't want them. I think they have denied themselves having a full life, the full human experience.

However, again, different from you. You have recognized that there does exist a loss. I am sorry for your loss, btw. I think your loss will be apparent to others, on some level, spoken or not.

Similar to this, I find them a little self-centered in a way that anyone is when they don't have 100% responsibility for a young child. I don't hold that against them (I used to be that way). I am not saying that OP is self-centered since I don't even know her/him, that's just my experience with people I know.

Nothing is more self-centered and selfish than having a child. We wouldn’t have survived as a species without parenting having a huge payoff to the parents. I write this as a parent. It’s a totally selfish endeavor.

+100 I adopted a child because I wanted a child. I agree its selfish and self-centered as it was about my wishes and wants, not the child's. You have kids for your needs/wishes, not theirs.

[Anonymous]

i envy their freedom. Hobbies, focus on jobs, healthy bodies, relaxation, vacations. All things I miss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i envy their freedom. Hobbies, focus on jobs, healthy bodies, relaxation, vacations. All things I miss.

I agree. They're living their best lives. I say that as a parent of two who is also living her best life but who experienced becoming a parent as a form of self murder. I know people say it's selfish but for me losing the ability to do whatever I wanted when I wanted to was hard. It was very difficult for me to know that I needed to eat, or shower, or whatever in that exact moment because the baby would wake up in twenty minutes and that was that. I don't blame anyone for not wanting to go through that lifestyle shift. I'd say I respect them more for knowing that about themselves and resisting societal pressure to have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think child-free people are rich and thin. And free. And more interesting.

I have children and a nanny. I'm rich, thin and partially free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think child-free people are rich and thin. And free. And more interesting.

I have children and a nanny. I'm rich, thin and partially free.

You’d be richer and freer without kids.

[Anonymous]

Depends. Are they kind or bitter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i envy their freedom. Hobbies, focus on jobs, healthy bodies, relaxation, vacations. All things I miss.

I agree. They're living their best lives. I say that as a parent of two who is also living her best life but who experienced becoming a parent as a form of self murder. I know people say it's selfish but for me losing the ability to do whatever I wanted when I wanted to was hard. It was very difficult for me to know that I needed to eat, or shower, or whatever in that exact moment because the baby would wake up in twenty minutes and that was that. I don't blame anyone for not wanting to go through that lifestyle shift. I'd say I respect them more for knowing that about themselves and resisting societal pressure to have kids.

You entirely missed the point. Its unfortunate you hate being a mom and should have stopped at one but the topic was more about people who wanted kids and couldn't have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think child-free people are rich and thin. And free. And more interesting.

I have children and a nanny. I'm rich, thin and partially free.

How sad for your kids.

[Anonymous]

We have a lot of friends who didn't have kids for various reasons, some medical, some circumstance, some by choice. I have empathy for each of their situations, joy for the happiness in their lives, and occasional envy for the flexibility they have that most parents do not. It most definitely does not come up in conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think child-free people are rich and thin. And free. And more interesting.

I have children and a nanny. I'm rich, thin and partially free.

How sad for your kids.

How in the world is having a nanny and economic security sad for her kids?! Holy hell, you’re stunning ignorant, PP.

[Anonymous]

On a slightly different tack, I really appreciate my friends with no kids who stuck with me through the early childhood years. I wasn’t always the best friend, because I was tired, busy, and distracted. But some made an effort to preserve the friendship and now as my kids are in college and high school and are moving off into their own lives, I have more time for these relationships. I find I really enjoy spending time with these friends. They’ve developed their talents and interests and have had cool experiences and are just vibrant and fun to be around. And I feel like I’ve regained my own sense of who I used to be before kids by spending time with them. So our journeys have been different, but I don’t see their paths as less rich or valid than mine. And in the end I like people for who they are, not whether they’ve reproduced.

[Anonymous]

No one with a triple digit IQ judges or even thinks about others choices to parent or not. Honestly. In all cases, you are viewed for yourself. I have no clue if half the people in my acquaintanceship (coworkers, clients, dentist, doctors, et al) have kids or not. It’s not even a hot topic among my other parent friends past the early cute years.

You’ll find another way to fulfillment, OP. Truly no one thinks more or less of you for not having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad if I know they wanted children and were unable to do so. Otherwise, I assume they are rich and well rested.

This. If I know them and know they wanted kids but couldn't have them, I feel bad for them. But it's a good ting if they chose not to have kids and didn't just have them because that is expected. I'm a teacher and have seen a lot of unwanted kids over the years.