Parents of short boys

[Anonymous]

My 10 year son is 5th percentile for height and has been since he was 2. His doctor has checked everything, nutritionist said he’s a fantastic eater, he’s super healthy and this is just the way he is supposed to be. Unfortunately he has been struggling with it a lot lately and I really don’t know what else to say. It doesn’t help that all his friends are super big for their age. He’s the shortest kid in his grade and he’s starting to get teased by his friends and classmates about being so little. My brother was like him growing up and is 5’5” now which is probably where my son will end up. Being short really bothers my brother to this day so he will unfortunately have no good advice for my son. Does anyone have good advice on how to help him when he says he hates being little and dealing with the teasing? Advice for boys only please, as it’s very different being a short girl. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately there really is no great advice. You can tell a kid that age anything but whatever their peers say will rule their life. Personally I was overweight AND short, and they always made fun of me for being fat. Interestingly, they never said a thing about my height. After I lost weight I dated many taller women and didn't ever hear that being short was viewed as negatively until I hit my 30s (thanks, internet). Guess what? Other kids at school were teased for having acne. I knew people who were teased for being too skinny and weak. People were teased because of their haircuts, their clothes, the type of music they listened to, the car their parents drove or they drove, the area of town they lived in, etc. At the end of the day it's the school's responsibility to make sure this kind of thing doesn't go overboard and that they create a culture of respect and positivity, but there's only so much they can do. You, his grandma, his teacher, even his closest friends can tell him he's awesome and it still won't really matter much because the teasing is louder and more impactful in his own mind

[Anonymous]

I suggest that your son does Juijitsu from 10-13 or so depending if he likes it.

Then he should transition to wrestling.

He can also play lacrosse, attacks can be 5’5”.

He needs to make friends, learn self confidence and be able to deal with bullies.

My son was very small as was his friend ... they both did Juijitsi snd both when picked on at different times and when they defended themselves so confidently every body wanted to take

Also there is a viral video of two smallish guys in college and 2 football players start to try to fight them but they both knew Juijitsu and destroyed the football players.

I’m not supporting violence but my sons friends dad says his son feels like he is walking around with a super power. He was picked on once by 3 boys bigger than him and the story told about how he aptly defended himself is amazing.

Also Juijitsu teaches discipline and not to use it unless you are defending yourself.

Not gonna lie it’s hard to be short.

[Anonymous]

My brother was like this. He is 5’4” (almost) now and small boned. It was very hard in elementary school but got a lot better by high school because he had developed real interests and was a very good student, so he did a lot of academic things like math team and debate. He joined the wrestling team in 7th grade (we went to a small public school that had a combined junior/senior HS) and that really helped him. In some sports like wrestling (because it’s by weight class and it’s hard to fill the small classes) and gymnastics it is an advantage to be small. He was a coxswain for the crew team in college, another thing that requires a very small size. He did go into a field as an adult that requires a great deal of technical skill and education. I think that was unconscious but deliberate. A lot of his friends went into fields like finance that have more of a bro culture, but he can fall back on his expertise for authority in professional settings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 10 year son is 5th percentile for height and has been since he was 2. His doctor has checked everything, nutritionist said he’s a fantastic eater, he’s super healthy and this is just the way he is supposed to be. Unfortunately he has been struggling with it a lot lately and I really don’t know what else to say. It doesn’t help that all his friends are super big for their age. He’s the shortest kid in his grade and he’s starting to get teased by his friends and classmates about being so little. My brother was like him growing up and is 5’5” now which is probably where my son will end up. Being short really bothers my brother to this day so he will unfortunately have no good advice for my son. Does anyone have good advice on how to help him when he says he hates being little and dealing with the teasing? Advice for boys only please, as it’s very different being a short girl. Thanks.

Hi, op

I get it having short men in my life too! Your son needs to act like the insults don't bother him. If he had a big nose and he was sensitive about that they would make fun of his nose. They are looking for weakness. Yes, I know it is tough but, if he can shrug it off than they will stop.

For example: Hey shorty!

Your son: Hey, Captain obvious!

friends: you're short

Son: Yes, so?

There are so many short atlethes and actors that I would start to learn and tell my friends all about! Here is a start:

https://www.themodestman.com/famous-short-athletes/

And Hollywood actors:
https://www.bigedition.com/s/top-short-actors-5114b933056b4469

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother was like this. He is 5’4” (almost) now and small boned. It was very hard in elementary school but got a lot better by high school because he had developed real interests and was a very good student, so he did a lot of academic things like math team and debate. He joined the wrestling team in 7th grade (we went to a small public school that had a combined junior/senior HS) and that really helped him. In some sports like wrestling (because it’s by weight class and it’s hard to fill the small classes) and gymnastics it is an advantage to be small. He was a coxswain for the crew team in college, another thing that requires a very small size. He did go into a field as an adult that requires a great deal of technical skill and education. I think that was unconscious but deliberate. A lot of his friends went into fields like finance that have more of a bro culture, but he can fall back on his expertise for authority in professional settings.

OP here, thanks for all the replies. I’ve definitely been thinking about professions because my short brother picked one that as you mentioned, still makes his shortness a reason for discussion and that sucks as a 40 year old. Good advice guiding him towards something like your brother.

[Anonymous]

My son was fairly short and it bothered him too. Not what you are talking about (mine was in 35%), but he was the shortest in his friend group. He's 14 now and sprouted a bit, but he still has some super-short friends. They are now all into weight lifting. So the recommendation to do martial arts or something similar is a helpful one for self esteem.

Guys are very into body image right now too (which I get isn't super healthy, either), but if your son is interested in lifting and getting in shape in that regard, that's something that can be done at any height. And there is a confidence that comes from exercise and being fit. I wouldn't say, hey, let's get you to the gym to build some muscle. I'd approach it (if he has interest) in adding more fitness to your lifestyles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son was fairly short and it bothered him too. Not what you are talking about (mine was in 35%), but he was the shortest in his friend group. He's 14 now and sprouted a bit, but he still has some super-short friends. They are now all into weight lifting. So the recommendation to do martial arts or something similar is a helpful one for self esteem.

Guys are very into body image right now too (which I get isn't super healthy, either), but if your son is interested in lifting and getting in shape in that regard, that's something that can be done at any height. And there is a confidence that comes from exercise and being fit. I wouldn't say, hey, let's get you to the gym to build some muscle. I'd approach it (if he has interest) in adding more fitness to your lifestyles.

OP here, thanks. We are a family that loves exercise. Son is very athletic and strong (loves push ups) and is great at soccer (very aggressive, not scared of big guys on field so far). He reads lots of bios of all the short soccer stars out there. He tried martial arts when he was younger, was good at it because he’s generally athletic but really didn’t like it. He much prefers team sports not individual. However I do see the benefit as PP says of martial arts for self defense/confidence. I could see him weight lifting as a teen.

[Anonymous]

The tallest man in my extended family is 5'6''. Every one of them is very successful (surgeons, lawyers, professors), happily married, a father, and well-respected. They have friends, money, interests, and overall, very full and meaningful lives.

I'm a woman and 5'4" and, while height is not a deal breaker either way, strongly prefer to date men no taller than 5'10". Ideal is about 5'7"-9" and anything in the 6 foot range is a nuisance. I have dated men as short as 5'2". The shortest men were some of the sexiest and best lovers I've had, for what its worth. It's all about confidence.

[Anonymous]

My son is in the 1.7th percentile for height.

Yes, it sucks completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The tallest man in my extended family is 5'6''. Every one of them is very successful (surgeons, lawyers, professors), happily married, a father, and well-respected. They have friends, money, interests, and overall, very full and meaningful lives. [b]

I'm a woman and 5'4" and, while height is not a deal breaker either way, strongly prefer to date men no taller than 5'10". Ideal is about 5'7"-9" and anything in the 6 foot range is a nuisance. I have dated men as short as 5'2". The shortest men were some of the sexiest and best lovers I've had, for what its worth. It's all about confidence.

This describes the males in my family as well. My sons are 5'6" and 5'5". I believe they are fully grown. My husband is short, I am short. Our boys have grown up dealing with it, and have mostly gotten used to it.

I will say one really did well in high school wrestling. It gave him confidence, and being small helped him get on varsity as a novice freshman. The wrestling team needs light weights. Both sons also took weight lifting as a class in high school. It added some much needed muscle to their small frames. When they were in middle and elementary school they were often assumed to be younger than their ages, so that bothered them. But by now they are used to it and have accepted it.

[Anonymous]

I have 11 year old twin daughters. They are average height but still underweight since they were born so I can relate to the concerns you have.

I make sure that my daughters are very active (They ski, swim, play a variety of team sports). I tell them it doesn’t matter how skinny they are, their body is strong and capable.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for gymnastics. They love short, strong, fearless kids, and once you can just jump up and do a back flip, no one cares you’re short (least of all you). Even if he doesn’t get that good, he will get strong and confident in his strength.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 11 year old twin daughters. They are average height but still underweight since they were born so I can relate to the concerns you have.

I make sure that my daughters are very active (They ski, swim, play a variety of team sports). I tell them it doesn’t matter how skinny they are, their body is strong and capable.

That’s great! But it’s different for boys. Maybe it shouldn’t be, but it absolutely still is just different.

[Anonymous]

We are also a small family. My older son is between 5’3” and 5’4” and likely fully grown. While he’s very aware of being small, it doesn’t bother him, and no one gives him grief. He’s also not athletic, so he doesn’t have to contend with being small in that context.

My younger son has yet to really hit puberty, and I’m guessing he’ll end up a little taller but not by much. I think it’s a little more of an issue for him a little more because he is athletic and is very small compared to most of his teammates and opponents, but it’s not something that he fixates on or that causes him upset.

Because all of the men in our extended family are small, this has always been a given. No one has suffered for it in terms of careers, relationships, happiness.

So I don’t have any specific advice for you OP, other than to take it as a given and discourage fixation. I also agree with others that having a simple reply to any comments is smart. People pick on things that they know people are sensitive about. The sooner your son can make peace with this and disarm teasing, the better off he’ll be.