My politics contradict my sexual preferences

[Anonymous]

I'm a liberal. Actually, some would call me a leftist. I'm as far to the left as you can get on social, economic, and foreign policy issues. My politics are important to me and I want someone who shares my values.

But I'm "aesthetically conservative." A friend of mine put it that way and it fits me perfectly. I prefer to be traditionally feminine and I am attracted to traditionally masculine men.

I like to think I treat people equally and I can befriend people of any gender or gender expression or body type or outward appearance, but attraction is attraction and I can't form a physical relationship with a more gender-neutral-ish man. I've had relationships fail because of lack of interest on my part in the bedroom because men who share my politics tend to be too fragile, too passive, and too gender-bending. Even when they were handsome in their own ways. And their preferences have been unconventional as well, I want to be appreciated as a traditionally feminine woman. As much as I can respect others as individuals for their preferences and their sexuality, I really can't be turned on in the bedroom unless I am in my feminine and he is in his masculine. It's just the way I'm wired.

[Anonymous]

Um, good for you, I guess? Nobody expects you to justify who you're attracted to. You don't have to be a crunch birkenstock wearer to be a liberal, and you don't have to marry an emo guy either.

[Anonymous]

Whatever. You do you. Have the sex you want. No one else cares. It's not important to anyone but you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, good for you, I guess? Nobody expects you to justify who you're attracted to. You don't have to be a crunch birkenstock wearer to be a liberal, and you don't have to marry an emo guy either.

+1 This is a pretty infantile understanding of human nature, OP. Life is not the first day of public school in Mean Girls where everyone's entire personality/worldview/wardrobe is captured by what group they're sitting with in the cafeteria.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, good for you, I guess? Nobody expects you to justify who you're attracted to. You don't have to be a crunch birkenstock wearer to be a liberal, and you don't have to marry an emo guy either.

This. I don't understand your point OP. You describe like 75% of my friends. We are liberal but pretty gender normative and attracted to basically gender normative opposite sex people. I didn't realize that was strange. I thought this was going to be like my sister who is a lesbian but fiscally and somewhat socially conservative. That has been a bit of a mind eff for her.

[Anonymous]

I’m very progressive and my three serious relationships have all been with more conservative men (GOP voting). You don’t need to justify your attraction preferences, do what makes you happy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a liberal. Actually, some would call me a leftist. I'm as far to the left as you can get on social, economic, and foreign policy issues. My politics are important to me and I want someone who shares my values.

But I'm "aesthetically conservative." A friend of mine put it that way and it fits me perfectly. I prefer to be traditionally feminine and I am attracted to traditionally masculine men.

I like to think I treat people equally and I can befriend people of any gender or gender expression or body type or outward appearance, but attraction is attraction and I can't form a physical relationship with a more gender-neutral-ish man. I've had relationships fail because of lack of interest on my part in the bedroom because men who share my politics tend to be too fragile, too passive, and too gender-bending. Even when they were handsome in their own ways. And their preferences have been unconventional as well, I want to be appreciated as a traditionally feminine woman. As much as I can respect others as individuals for their preferences and their sexuality, I really can't be turned on in the bedroom unless I am in my feminine and he is in his masculine. It's just the way I'm wired.

I don't think this is uncommon. I think there is more tolerance for the type of men you describe maybe in DC or other "cultured" (read: urban) locales, but not all women are into that aesthetic.

[Anonymous]

I hear you. I am white and my wife is African-American, and we are both super-liberal. However, we engage in a lot of racial abuse and master/slave role-play in the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

The whole point is what we do or prefer with our consenting partners or ourselves in our bedrooms should have nothing to do with politics/society/how we treat other people.

Separation of bedroom and state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m very progressive and my three serious relationships have all been with more conservative men (GOP voting). You don’t need to justify your attraction preferences, do what makes you happy!

+1. I had a preference for military types.

[Anonymous]

My friend is like this.

Total liberal but only dates gun-toting, ultra conservative, Republican guys.

[Anonymous]

What's the question?

[Anonymous]

I’m a Democrat and wouldnt be attracted to a wishy washy guy either.

But there are tough sexy Democrat dudes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the question?

I have trouble finding men who share my political values but am also attracted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the question?

I have trouble finding men who share my political values but am also attracted to.

This is what dating apps are made for.