No Kids at Wedding - Why So Much Anger?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had no infants/toddlers during the church ceremony and paid a babysitter to watch them, but they were welcome at the reception/meal. It was for 30 minutes, but was a huge issue for my SIL who didn't come. Fine. They don't speak to us now over some other slight, which we've never figured out.

I am pro-kid at weddings but this seems completely acceptable to me!

My brother didn’t invite my kids who were all over 5. It also involved me flying out 10 hours away. So I said no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had no infants/toddlers during the church ceremony and paid a babysitter to watch them, but they were welcome at the reception/meal. It was for 30 minutes, but was a huge issue for my SIL who didn't come. Fine. They don't speak to us now over some other slight, which we've never figured out.

I am pro-kid at weddings but this seems completely acceptable to me!

My brother didn’t invite my kids who were all over 5. It also involved me flying out 10 hours away. So I said no.

Wow. This whole thread is case in point as to why people find no-kid weddings ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today for DCUM to weigh in on:

I'm thinking about not attending my cousin's wedding since children are not allowed.

Details:

-- This is my only cousin.
-- My children are 14 and 16, well behaved, and have been to formal events before (you already guessed: It's black tie).
-- My kids are my aunt's and uncle's only great-niece and great-nephew.
-- The kid-free thing is driven by the cousin's fiancee, the bride.
-- This is a 250-person wedding in Greenwich, CT, and bride's family, who is paying, is exceptionally affluent and from NYC society.
-- We live in Chicago and will need to travel in for the full weekend by plane
-- We have one local relative on our side who could watch our kids for the weekend, my husband's mom, who is 86 and can't drive after a stroke.

In other words, this is not a scenario where allowing siblings or cousins to bring their kids as an exception to the no-kids thing would mean 40 extra plates or something, or a wedding where headcount costs are sensitive.

Yes, it's their day. It's just so ... tacky.

Yes, the bride is 30, all of her friends are already married, she had the custom cocktail menu picked out two years ago, and she put my hapless cousin on a skincare routine.

If it weren't for potentially hurting the feelings of my aunt and uncle -- this is their only child -- I wouldn't attend at all. I'm just here to vent.

This wouldn't be a hard decision for me. I would attend without my husband and kids and leave them in Chicago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never bring my children to weddings.

+1

[Anonymous]

The thing with no kids rule is that where is the line? Not letting teens in is unfair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today for DCUM to weigh in on:

I'm thinking about not attending my cousin's wedding since children are not allowed.

Details:

-- This is my only cousin.
-- My children are 14 and 16, well behaved, and have been to formal events before (you already guessed: It's black tie).
-- My kids are my aunt's and uncle's only great-niece and great-nephew.
-- The kid-free thing is driven by the cousin's fiancee, the bride.
-- This is a 250-person wedding in Greenwich, CT, and bride's family, who is paying, is exceptionally affluent and from NYC society.
-- We live in Chicago and will need to travel in for the full weekend by plane
-- We have one local relative on our side who could watch our kids for the weekend, my husband's mom, who is 86 and can't drive after a stroke.

In other words, this is not a scenario where allowing siblings or cousins to bring their kids as an exception to the no-kids thing would mean 40 extra plates or something, or a wedding where headcount costs are sensitive.

Yes, it's their day. It's just so ... tacky.

Yes, the bride is 30, all of her friends are already married, she had the custom cocktail menu picked out two years ago, and she put my hapless cousin on a skincare routine.

If it weren't for potentially hurting the feelings of my aunt and uncle -- this is their only child -- I wouldn't attend at all. I'm just here to vent.

I wouldn't go. And, I'd tell the aunt and uncle why.

It's up to you what to do. But seriously with a 14 and 16yo, you don't have family friends or the kids don't have friends whom they could stay with for Fri/Sat/Sun? That way you only need 2 plane tickets and get to enjoy the night as a couple.

I mean, I would have left my kids alone at 16 and 12 for the 3 day weekend, with nearby friends around to assist should they need it (they likely wouldn't unless an emergency). They are not 2 and 4

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So basically people are allowed to decide who they invited to ANY party. Any. Why do people think it’s different for weddings. It is THEIR party. They decide. period.

Yup! And if it doesn't work for you, you are free to decline the invite.

But with teens, not sure why you cannot leave them home with friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today for DCUM to weigh in on:

I'm thinking about not attending my cousin's wedding since children are not allowed.

Details:

-- This is my only cousin.
-- My children are 14 and 16, well behaved, and have been to formal events before (you already guessed: It's black tie).
-- My kids are my aunt's and uncle's only great-niece and great-nephew.
-- The kid-free thing is driven by the cousin's fiancee, the bride.
-- This is a 250-person wedding in Greenwich, CT, and bride's family, who is paying, is exceptionally affluent and from NYC society.
-- We live in Chicago and will need to travel in for the full weekend by plane
-- We have one local relative on our side who could watch our kids for the weekend, my husband's mom, who is 86 and can't drive after a stroke.

In other words, this is not a scenario where allowing siblings or cousins to bring their kids as an exception to the no-kids thing would mean 40 extra plates or something, or a wedding where headcount costs are sensitive.

Yes, it's their day. It's just so ... tacky.

Yes, the bride is 30, all of her friends are already married, she had the custom cocktail menu picked out two years ago, and she put my hapless cousin on a skincare routine.

If it weren't for potentially hurting the feelings of my aunt and uncle -- this is their only child -- I wouldn't attend at all. I'm just here to vent.

Can you go alone? I sort of understand the no little kids thing at a formal event, but I don’t get it for teens. My 16 year old is invited to a cousin’s upcoming wedding, but not to the rehearsal dinner. Which is fine—they can do what they want—but when my whole family has already traveled to be there, I’m just supposed to leave my kid alone in a hotel to have dinner by herself? It’s weird. I think I’ll send my husband to that alone and I’ll hang out with my kid.

That scenario especially is very strange and means they are simply not thinking of their guests. If you invite Out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner, you invite the entire immediate family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today for DCUM to weigh in on:

I'm thinking about not attending my cousin's wedding since children are not allowed.

Details:

-- This is my only cousin.
-- My children are 14 and 16, well behaved, and have been to formal events before (you already guessed: It's black tie).
-- My kids are my aunt's and uncle's only great-niece and great-nephew.
-- The kid-free thing is driven by the cousin's fiancee, the bride.
-- This is a 250-person wedding in Greenwich, CT, and bride's family, who is paying, is exceptionally affluent and from NYC society.
-- We live in Chicago and will need to travel in for the full weekend by plane
-- We have one local relative on our side who could watch our kids for the weekend, my husband's mom, who is 86 and can't drive after a stroke.

In other words, this is not a scenario where allowing siblings or cousins to bring their kids as an exception to the no-kids thing would mean 40 extra plates or something, or a wedding where headcount costs are sensitive.

Yes, it's their day. It's just so ... tacky.

Yes, the bride is 30, all of her friends are already married, she had the custom cocktail menu picked out two years ago, and she put my hapless cousin on a skincare routine.

If it weren't for potentially hurting the feelings of my aunt and uncle -- this is their only child -- I wouldn't attend at all. I'm just here to vent.

Can you go alone? I sort of understand the no little kids thing at a formal event, but I don’t get it for teens. My 16 year old is invited to a cousin’s upcoming wedding, but not to the rehearsal dinner. Which is fine—they can do what they want—but when my whole family has already traveled to be there, I’m just supposed to leave my kid alone in a hotel to have dinner by herself? It’s weird. I think I’ll send my husband to that alone and I’ll hang out with my kid.

I could go alone, for the reasons you mentioned -- the other option is to, what exactly, fly my teens to NYC and have them spend Friday and Saturday in the hotel by themselves (they'd be fine) while I am at the wedding with my husband?

How about---leave them home for the weekend, with a family friend/their friend's parents checking in on them/staying with their friends? they are 14 and 16, not 2 and 4

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had no infants/toddlers during the church ceremony and paid a babysitter to watch them, but they were welcome at the reception/meal. It was for 30 minutes, but was a huge issue for my SIL who didn't come. Fine. They don't speak to us now over some other slight, which we've never figured out.

I am pro-kid at weddings but this seems completely acceptable to me!

My brother didn’t invite my kids who were all over 5. It also involved me flying out 10 hours away. So I said no.

Wow. This whole thread is case in point as to why people find no-kid weddings ridiculous.

If the brother and his new wife want a wedding without kids that is their choice. Now IMO, if I wanted that, I would arrange babysitters near the venue or provide a list of sitters for my sibling to select from. But then I would also be okay with them not attending, because I put restrictions on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today for DCUM to weigh in on:

I'm thinking about not attending my cousin's wedding since children are not allowed.

Details:

-- This is my only cousin.
-- My children are 14 and 16, well behaved, and have been to formal events before (you already guessed: It's black tie).
-- My kids are my aunt's and uncle's only great-niece and great-nephew.
-- The kid-free thing is driven by the cousin's fiancee, the bride.
-- This is a 250-person wedding in Greenwich, CT, and bride's family, who is paying, is exceptionally affluent and from NYC society.
-- We live in Chicago and will need to travel in for the full weekend by plane
-- We have one local relative on our side who could watch our kids for the weekend, my husband's mom, who is 86 and can't drive after a stroke.

In other words, this is not a scenario where allowing siblings or cousins to bring their kids as an exception to the no-kids thing would mean 40 extra plates or something, or a wedding where headcount costs are sensitive.

Yes, it's their day. It's just so ... tacky.

Yes, the bride is 30, all of her friends are already married, she had the custom cocktail menu picked out two years ago, and she put my hapless cousin on a skincare routine.

If it weren't for potentially hurting the feelings of my aunt and uncle -- this is their only child -- I wouldn't attend at all. I'm just here to vent.

Can you go alone? I sort of understand the no little kids thing at a formal event, but I don’t get it for teens. My 16 year old is invited to a cousin’s upcoming wedding, but not to the rehearsal dinner. Which is fine—they can do what they want—but when my whole family has already traveled to be there, I’m just supposed to leave my kid alone in a hotel to have dinner by herself? It’s weird. I think I’ll send my husband to that alone and I’ll hang out with my kid.

That scenario especially is very strange and means they are simply not thinking of their guests. If you invite Out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner, you invite the entire immediate family.

So tacky and yes, per the original title of this thread, this is why the anger about no-kids weddings (with no exceptions for family member kids). It's not thinking about the guests - bad hosting is bad hosting, wedding or not - and it adds to the perception that the wedding is just an Instagram dress-up show instead of a marriage ceremony where a couple becomes, oh I don't know, family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today for DCUM to weigh in on:

I'm thinking about not attending my cousin's wedding since children are not allowed.

Details:

-- This is my only cousin.
-- My children are 14 and 16, well behaved, and have been to formal events before (you already guessed: It's black tie).
-- My kids are my aunt's and uncle's only great-niece and great-nephew.
-- The kid-free thing is driven by the cousin's fiancee, the bride.
-- This is a 250-person wedding in Greenwich, CT, and bride's family, who is paying, is exceptionally affluent and from NYC society.
-- We live in Chicago and will need to travel in for the full weekend by plane
-- We have one local relative on our side who could watch our kids for the weekend, my husband's mom, who is 86 and can't drive after a stroke.

In other words, this is not a scenario where allowing siblings or cousins to bring their kids as an exception to the no-kids thing would mean 40 extra plates or something, or a wedding where headcount costs are sensitive.

Yes, it's their day. It's just so ... tacky.

Yes, the bride is 30, all of her friends are already married, she had the custom cocktail menu picked out two years ago, and she put my hapless cousin on a skincare routine.

If it weren't for potentially hurting the feelings of my aunt and uncle -- this is their only child -- I wouldn't attend at all. I'm just here to vent.

Can you go alone? I sort of understand the no little kids thing at a formal event, but I don’t get it for teens. My 16 year old is invited to a cousin’s upcoming wedding, but not to the rehearsal dinner. Which is fine—they can do what they want—but when my whole family has already traveled to be there, I’m just supposed to leave my kid alone in a hotel to have dinner by herself? It’s weird. I think I’ll send my husband to that alone and I’ll hang out with my kid.

That scenario especially is very strange and means they are simply not thinking of their guests. If you invite Out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner, you invite the entire immediate family.

So tacky and yes, per the original title of this thread, this is why the anger about no-kids weddings (with no exceptions for family member kids). It's not thinking about the guests - bad hosting is bad hosting, wedding or not - and it adds to the perception that the wedding is just an Instagram dress-up show instead of a marriage ceremony where a couple becomes, oh I don't know, family.

Yes your last sentence so captures it for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today for DCUM to weigh in on:

I'm thinking about not attending my cousin's wedding since children are not allowed.

Details:

-- This is my only cousin.
-- My children are 14 and 16, well behaved, and have been to formal events before (you already guessed: It's black tie).
-- My kids are my aunt's and uncle's only great-niece and great-nephew.
-- The kid-free thing is driven by the cousin's fiancee, the bride.
-- This is a 250-person wedding in Greenwich, CT, and bride's family, who is paying, is exceptionally affluent and from NYC society.
-- We live in Chicago and will need to travel in for the full weekend by plane
-- We have one local relative on our side who could watch our kids for the weekend, my husband's mom, who is 86 and can't drive after a stroke.

In other words, this is not a scenario where allowing siblings or cousins to bring their kids as an exception to the no-kids thing would mean 40 extra plates or something, or a wedding where headcount costs are sensitive.

Yes, it's their day. It's just so ... tacky.

Yes, the bride is 30, all of her friends are already married, she had the custom cocktail menu picked out two years ago, and she put my hapless cousin on a skincare routine.

If it weren't for potentially hurting the feelings of my aunt and uncle -- this is their only child -- I wouldn't attend at all. I'm just here to vent.

Can you go alone? I sort of understand the no little kids thing at a formal event, but I don’t get it for teens. My 16 year old is invited to a cousin’s upcoming wedding, but not to the rehearsal dinner. Which is fine—they can do what they want—but when my whole family has already traveled to be there, I’m just supposed to leave my kid alone in a hotel to have dinner by herself? It’s weird. I think I’ll send my husband to that alone and I’ll hang out with my kid.

That scenario especially is very strange and means they are simply not thinking of their guests. If you invite Out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner, you invite the entire immediate family.

So tacky and yes, per the original title of this thread, this is why the anger about no-kids weddings (with no exceptions for family member kids). It's not thinking about the guests - bad hosting is bad hosting, wedding or not - and it adds to the perception that the wedding is just an Instagram dress-up show instead of a marriage ceremony where a couple becomes, oh I don't know, family.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

All my cousins had no kid weddings. It makes me sad. Growing up in a big extended family, weddings are a core memory my kids don’t have. They are 10 and 12 and have only been to mt brothers wedding. FWIW, my wedding did not exclude kids but I was the oldest cousin so there really weren’t any.

[Anonymous]

We just returned from my cousins wedding with our two b kids, 12 and 16. It was officially no kids, but an exception was made for family, which included cousins. There were a lot of kids in the end. I can see why they wanted it no kids in hindsight — parents chasing their kids around, taking them to the potty, the kids taking up most of the seats at tables sitting the reception. One of my cousins was stuck at a table with mute tween boys who clearly hated being there and no other adults. The reason we brought our kids was to see the rest of the family, whom we rarely meet, including elder relatives whom we may not see again. It was also our kids spring break, so we built a vacation around it. But in hindsight I would have saved the money.

The bride seemed chilly, and now I know why.