Wife Spending Money

[Anonymous]

My wife and I bought a condo last month. It’s 3 years old and didn’t need any work. We did put hardwood floor in two bedrooms that had carpet and painted the entire condo. We spent a good amount of money furnishing it. The kitchen is not exactly her taste but it’s still very nice. She has decided she wants to change out the hardware, light fixtures, and maybe the backsplash. We are also expecting our first child and will be spending money for a nursery and baby items. I know it won’t be that much to make the changes she wants, but all of it does add up. We can afford it, but I’m getting annoyed by her wanting to change it. She has the type of personality that clings to something when she decides to do something and I feel like she won’t let up until we do it. It’s an unnecessary expense but I don’t see how I’m going to talk her out of it.

[Anonymous]

You’re having a baby... you need to get used to a LOT of unnecessary expenses for the next, like, 22 years.

[Anonymous]

Agree on a budget for the house and let her work within it.

[Anonymous]

Hardware and light fixtures are a great way to change the look of a kitchen very cheaply and you can do both yourself. If she can do the backsplash herself, it also won’t be much money. She sounds like she is spending a little money, but spending it wisely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree on a budget for the house and let her work within it.

+1 you never have to agree on what to spend money on but you always have to agree about your long terms goals and budget to get there. Don’t argue about the backsplash, do talk about goals and budget.

[Anonymous]

Omg she’s pregnant and nesting.

Agree on a budget and get out of her way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hardware and light fixtures are a great way to change the look of a kitchen very cheaply and you can do both yourself. If she can do the backsplash herself, it also won’t be much money. She sounds like she is spending a little money, but spending it wisely.

OP here. We will be hiring someone to do it because neither of us know how to it. We want it done right. I still think it’s very unnecessary. The kitchen is white with black hardware and light gray walls. She wants to change it to nickel and add a light gray backsplash. All of it will cost about 2k.

[Anonymous]

DH here. It all comes down to communication and aligning your goals and priorities. What I’d suggest is that you set up a time to talk and make sure it’s not confrontational. It’s not “you’re spending too much, we’ve got to rein this in.”

It’s a time to listen to each other about what your long term goals are with money. You say you can afford this stuff, but it adds up. What that suggests to me is you are placing a higher priority on investing money and achieving financial independence sooner rather than upgrading something that doesn’t need to be upgraded because it’s close enough to your aesthetic tastes.

I’m totally with you, and that’s why I’ve got a $3M investment portfolio at 40 and Corian countertops. My wife hates spending even more than I do.

But you didn’t marry me. You married her, and you’ve got to work to get on the same page with her, and be willing to make compromises to get there.

You may want to consider a fee-only financial planner. I was listening to a podcast with one who said that half of his job is marriage counseling. The planner can help you define and outline your goals, and work backwards from there to figure out how much you need to be investing now to get there. And it’s an emotionally detached “expert” doing this very methodically, not her DH scolding her for being frivolous.

However you approach it, frame it in a way that it’s about making sure that you will ultimately have plenty of money to do the things you both want, including unnecessary renovations just because. It’s not about going on a permanent plan of self denial.

If this goes unaddressed, it will NOT get better when the baby comes. OMFG, it will be so much worse. There will be so many opportunities for pissing away money on total bullshit, combined with all the female hormones and emotions and guilt of motherhood, and it has the potential to really drive you apart.

Get on top of this now. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We have spent over 10k on hardwoods floors in the two bedrooms, painting the condo, and furnishing the condo. We will likely spend another 5k for the baby. That’s on top of paying a large down payment on a $600k condo. We will only be in the condo for maybe 5 years and the changes she will make are purely cosmetic and will not add any value to the condo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hardware and light fixtures are a great way to change the look of a kitchen very cheaply and you can do both yourself. If she can do the backsplash herself, it also won’t be much money. She sounds like she is spending a little money, but spending it wisely.

OP here. We will be hiring someone to do it because neither of us know how to it. We want it done right. I still think it’s very unnecessary. The kitchen is white with black hardware and light gray walls. She wants to change it to nickel and add a light gray backsplash. All of it will cost about 2k.

Is this the first home either of you have owned? If so, get a few books on home improvement/ home maintenance from the library and read through them. Changing hardware and installing a new light fixture involves only a screw driver (remember to turn off the electricity first). No homeowner should be paying for those things.

[Anonymous]

DH above. What are your two incomes, how much did you put down, how much are you saving for retirement each month, what’s the balance in there now? And what’s the childcare plan?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I will being up the budget topic. We have never put a budget on things because we both barely spend any money on things outside of our normal spending habits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have spent over 10k on hardwoods floors in the two bedrooms, painting the condo, and furnishing the condo. We will likely spend another 5k for the baby. That’s on top of paying a large down payment on a $600k condo. We will only be in the condo for maybe 5 years and the changes she will make are purely cosmetic and will not add any value to the condo.

You’re arguing with us, internet strangers, about the cost of kitchen hardware because you’re freaking out about the baby and the condo and you refuse to just talk to your wife about your long term goals. The cost of the floors is meaningless, all that matters is how they fit into your plan.

But it seems like you really want to have a fight about whether countertops are “worth it” so I am sure you will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hardware and light fixtures are a great way to change the look of a kitchen very cheaply and you can do both yourself. If she can do the backsplash herself, it also won’t be much money. She sounds like she is spending a little money, but spending it wisely.

OP here. We will be hiring someone to do it because neither of us know how to it. We want it done right. I still think it’s very unnecessary. The kitchen is white with black hardware and light gray walls. She wants to change it to nickel and add a light gray backsplash. All of it will cost about 2k.

Is this the first home either of you have owned? If so, get a few books on home improvement/ home maintenance from the library and read through them. Changing hardware and installing a new light fixture involves only a screw driver (remember to turn off the electricity first). No homeowner should be paying for those things.

OP here. First home for her. I owned a small condo but it was brand new and never needed any upgrading. The hardware and light fixtures are simple to do. I was talking about doing the backsplash. The materials she wants are not cheap.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you even read the DH's post at 6:59? That is excellent advice. The best you will get related to finances, especially now that you have a kid ($$$!) on the way.

Reread 6:59 and get thee to a financial planner with your wife.