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[quote=Anonymous]DH here. It all comes down to communication and aligning your goals and priorities. What I’d suggest is that you set up a time to talk and make sure it’s not confrontational. It’s not “you’re spending too much, we’ve got to rein this in.”

It’s a time to listen to each other about what your long term goals are with money. You say you can afford this stuff, but it adds up. What that suggests to me is you are placing a higher priority on investing money and achieving financial independence sooner rather than upgrading something that doesn’t need to be upgraded because it’s close enough to your aesthetic tastes.

I’m totally with you, and that’s why I’ve got a $3M investment portfolio at 40 and Corian countertops. My wife hates spending even more than I do.

But you didn’t marry me. You married her, and you’ve got to work to get on the same page with her, and be willing to make compromises to get there.

You may want to consider a fee-only financial planner. I was listening to a podcast with one who said that half of his job is marriage counseling. The planner can help you define and outline your goals, and work backwards from there to figure out how much you need to be investing now to get there. And it’s an emotionally detached “expert” doing this very methodically, not her DH scolding her for being frivolous.

However you approach it, frame it in a way that it’s about making sure that you will ultimately have plenty of money to do the things you both want, including unnecessary renovations just because. It’s not about going on a permanent plan of self denial.

If this goes unaddressed, it will NOT get better when the baby comes. OMFG, it will be so much worse. There will be so many opportunities for pissing away money on total bullshit, combined with all the female hormones and emotions and guilt  of motherhood, and it has the potential to really drive you apart.

Get on top of this now. Good luck.[/quote]

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