Wife Spending Money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you choosing not to have a baby registry? Your friends and family will want to celebrate this baby's arrival. If you don't set up a registry, the people that want the baby to have a welcome present won't have any guidance and will just purchase random items you may not desire or need.

OP here. We are in a pandemic and will not be having a baby shower. We don’t feel it’s right to ask someone to send us a baby gift when we omg be having a baby shower. We are in a pandemic and people may not be able to afford it. We can afford it and don’t feel it’s right. We will be giving some suggestions to our parents and close friends but that’s it.

Right, we are in a pandemic so people want reasons to celebrate, like a new baby! Your family wants to enjoy this- put little and big, fun and needed on the registry. Women nest, men get anxious. It's normal, but you aren't "right." You're just excited and nervous about expecting your first kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you choosing not to have a baby registry? Your friends and family will want to celebrate this baby's arrival. If you don't set up a registry, the people that want the baby to have a welcome present won't have any guidance and will just purchase random items you may not desire or need.

Horrible idea. It's quite tacky to ask people to contribute when this couple decided to have a kid on their own. That's no one else's business.

Having a registry is not asking people to contribute. It’s giving guidance to people who will get them a gift regardless. It’s better to set up a registry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hardware and light fixtures are a great way to change the look of a kitchen very cheaply and you can do both yourself. If she can do the backsplash herself, it also won’t be much money. She sounds like she is spending a little money, but spending it wisely.

OP here. We will be hiring someone to do it because neither of us know how to it. We want it done right. I still think it’s very unnecessary. The kitchen is white with black hardware and light gray walls. She wants to change it to nickel and add a light gray backsplash. All of it will cost about 2k.

OMG...stop whining.

Actually he has a point. Those changes are pretty much the same color palate and look as currently have and nickel is already outdated. This IS a waste of 2k.

DP. Nickel is not outdated, and is far more timeless than black hardware.

Timeless? What hardware did they use on their cabinets 3000 years ago?

I’m sorry, did you not know that people on here put timeless and classic stuff in their forever homes? Stuff that won’t be dated.

[Anonymous]

A book registry is a good idea but baby furniture from pottery barn, and you’re here complaining about a backsplash? A backsplash is a lot less stupid than an expensive crib. Further proof that you need a conversation about budgeting, not kitchen hardware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I will say yes to the kitchen and put a budget on it. I think it’s not worth the money but she can do it.

For this saying I’m controlling, no. We both talk things through and make a die is on together. I usually let her win on everything. She furnished the condo and I let her pick things that were more her preference than mine because she cares more about that stuff than I do.

As for the other condo having stairs - it was legit 9 stairs to the uni. Really not a problem but she didn’t want stairs.

It’s our money. She can spend whatever she wants and I don’t question her spending habits. It will still be our money even when she takes time off to be with the baby.

I will talk about setting up a budget.

Nine steps when you’ve got a toddler by the hand and are trying to manage a stroller are a bigger deal than you realize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have spent over 10k on hardwoods floors in the two bedrooms, painting the condo, and furnishing the condo. We will likely spend another 5k for the baby. That’s on top of paying a large down payment on a $600k condo. We will only be in the condo for maybe 5 years and the changes she will make are purely cosmetic and will not add any value to the condo.

You don't need 5K for the baby but I agree that the condo should be updated.

OP here. It may not be 5k but we are not having a baby registry and will be buying everything. We will need nursery furniture, stroller, swing, bouncer, clothes, bottles, breast pump stuff, diapers and wipes, etc. My wife did a registry just for us to see how much everything would cost and it was close to 5k.

Having had two kids, I can tell you that one does NOT need all that baby crap.
At minimum you'll need a crib and stroller.
A breast pump is dubious (my #2 absolutely refused the bottle no matter what was in it). If she's staying home, she can nurse. If she goes back to work then get the Medela breast pump.
Don't need a bouncer nor swing. My sister had a swing in every room for her kid. The child would fall asleep in it for naptime and now he has to live life with a flat back of head. Rotate that baby. If baby's back is strong and can support the weight of its head, rotate stomach and back sleeping. You don't want that poor child to wind up in a helmet for a few months.
In the interest of the environment, you don't need that many wipes. I only ever used 1 wipe for #1 and 2 for #2 unless the latter was a liquidy blow-out.
Don't go crazy on clothes, they grow out of them VERY fast in the first year
I got much of my baby stuff used from friends, family, craigslist. Buying stuff doesn't solve problems but the baby industry wants you to feel that such activity would enhance the family's life.

DO buy a white noise machine.

As for your house, it may be better to switch out your light switches for LED compatible. I can see the argument for changing light fixtures for energy efficient ones but it may affect the switch too (especially when dimming). Fixtures are easy peasy to install.
Kitchen hardware - not hugely expensive, can do it yourselves.
Kitchen backsplash - this can be involved depending on the chosen finish. Again, you can do it yourself, even tile. Large pieces of tile will likely require cutting so stay away from them unless it fits perfectly. Just use spacers, mastic paste and trowel, watch a video for this. Unlike showers and tubs, the backsplash is not getting regular exposure to water so the install is very simple.

Both of you are going to need a can-do attitude for home improvement if you plan on moving in 5 years. None of the stuff above requires a tool belt.
Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Seriously 2k. 2K. How miserly do you need to be? And please don't agree just to hold it over her.

It's a steep learning curve for you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have spent over 10k on hardwoods floors in the two bedrooms, painting the condo, and furnishing the condo. We will likely spend another 5k for the baby. That’s on top of paying a large down payment on a $600k condo. We will only be in the condo for maybe 5 years and the changes she will make are purely cosmetic and will not add any value to the condo.

You don't need 5K for the baby but I agree that the condo should be updated.

OP here. It may not be 5k but we are not having a baby registry and will be buying everything. We will need nursery furniture, stroller, swing, bouncer, clothes, bottles, breast pump stuff, diapers and wipes, etc. My wife did a registry just for us to see how much everything would cost and it was close to 5k.

Having had two kids, I can tell you that one does NOT need all that baby crap.
At minimum you'll need a crib and stroller.
A breast pump is dubious (my #2 absolutely refused the bottle no matter what was in it). If she's staying home, she can nurse. If she goes back to work then get the Medela breast pump.
Don't need a bouncer nor swing. My sister had a swing in every room for her kid. The child would fall asleep in it for naptime and now he has to live life with a flat back of head. Rotate that baby. If baby's back is strong and can support the weight of its head, rotate stomach and back sleeping. You don't want that poor child to wind up in a helmet for a few months.
In the interest of the environment, you don't need that many wipes. I only ever used 1 wipe for #1 and 2 for #2 unless the latter was a liquidy blow-out.
Don't go crazy on clothes, they grow out of them VERY fast in the first year
I got much of my baby stuff used from friends, family, craigslist. Buying stuff doesn't solve problems but the baby industry wants you to feel that such activity would enhance the family's life.

DO buy a white noise machine.

As for your house, it may be better to switch out your light switches for LED compatible. I can see the argument for changing light fixtures for energy efficient ones but it may affect the switch too (especially when dimming). Fixtures are easy peasy to install.
Kitchen hardware - not hugely expensive, can do it yourselves.
Kitchen backsplash - this can be involved depending on the chosen finish. Again, you can do it yourself, even tile. Large pieces of tile will likely require cutting so stay away from them unless it fits perfectly. Just use spacers, mastic paste and trowel, watch a video for this. Unlike showers and tubs, the backsplash is not getting regular exposure to water so the install is very simple.

Both of you are going to need a can-do attitude for home improvement if you plan on moving in 5 years. None of the stuff above requires a tool belt.
Good luck.

Sorry but you’re so wrong. 3 of 5 of the women I know who had a baby in the last year had latch or supply issues and were not able to breastfeed or nurse. Two pump and one gives her baby formula. Sometimes nursing doesn’t work out. I wouldn’t assume that it will. Spectra pump is better than the Medela.

A swing probably won’t matter but a bouncer is great. It was a place to be able to transport my baby and put him anywhere while I took a shower, are, cooked dinner, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have spent over 10k on hardwoods floors in the two bedrooms, painting the condo, and furnishing the condo. We will likely spend another 5k for the baby. That’s on top of paying a large down payment on a $600k condo. We will only be in the condo for maybe 5 years and the changes she will make are purely cosmetic and will not add any value to the condo.

You don't need 5K for the baby but I agree that the condo should be updated.

OP here. It may not be 5k but we are not having a baby registry and will be buying everything. We will need nursery furniture, stroller, swing, bouncer, clothes, bottles, breast pump stuff, diapers and wipes, etc. My wife did a registry just for us to see how much everything would cost and it was close to 5k.

Having had two kids, I can tell you that one does NOT need all that baby crap.
At minimum you'll need a crib and stroller.
A breast pump is dubious (my #2 absolutely refused the bottle no matter what was in it). If she's staying home, she can nurse. If she goes back to work then get the Medela breast pump.
Don't need a bouncer nor swing. My sister had a swing in every room for her kid. The child would fall asleep in it for naptime and now he has to live life with a flat back of head. Rotate that baby. If baby's back is strong and can support the weight of its head, rotate stomach and back sleeping. You don't want that poor child to wind up in a helmet for a few months.
In the interest of the environment, you don't need that many wipes. I only ever used 1 wipe for #1 and 2 for #2 unless the latter was a liquidy blow-out.
Don't go crazy on clothes, they grow out of them VERY fast in the first year
I got much of my baby stuff used from friends, family, craigslist. Buying stuff doesn't solve problems but the baby industry wants you to feel that such activity would enhance the family's life.

DO buy a white noise machine.

As for your house, it may be better to switch out your light switches for LED compatible. I can see the argument for changing light fixtures for energy efficient ones but it may affect the switch too (especially when dimming). Fixtures are easy peasy to install.
Kitchen hardware - not hugely expensive, can do it yourselves.
Kitchen backsplash - this can be involved depending on the chosen finish. Again, you can do it yourself, even tile. Large pieces of tile will likely require cutting so stay away from them unless it fits perfectly. Just use spacers, mastic paste and trowel, watch a video for this. Unlike showers and tubs, the backsplash is not getting regular exposure to water so the install is very simple.

Both of you are going to need a can-do attitude for home improvement if you plan on moving in 5 years. None of the stuff above requires a tool belt.
Good luck.

Sorry but you’re so wrong. 3 of 5 of the women I know who had a baby in the last year had latch or supply issues and were not able to breastfeed or nurse. Two pump and one gives her baby formula. Sometimes nursing doesn’t work out. I wouldn’t assume that it will. Spectra pump is better than the Medela.

A swing probably won’t matter but a bouncer is great. It was a place to be able to transport my baby and put him anywhere while I took a shower, are, cooked dinner, etc.

+1. OPs wife does NOT have to breastfeed or nurse because she will stay home. I stayed home with two kids and didn’t breastfeed. It didn’t work out. My first had latch and weight issues, and the other hated breastfeeding.

I second Spectra is better than Medela. I would suggest your wife look into a pump because she might get it free through insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you choosing not to have a baby registry? Your friends and family will want to celebrate this baby's arrival. If you don't set up a registry, the people that want the baby to have a welcome present won't have any guidance and will just purchase random items you may not desire or need.

Horrible idea. It's quite tacky to ask people to contribute when this couple decided to have a kid on their own. That's no one else's business.

Having a registry is not asking people to contribute. It’s giving guidance to people who will get them a gift regardless. It’s better to set up a registry.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you choosing not to have a baby registry? Your friends and family will want to celebrate this baby's arrival. If you don't set up a registry, the people that want the baby to have a welcome present won't have any guidance and will just purchase random items you may not desire or need.

Horrible idea. It's quite tacky to ask people to contribute when this couple decided to have a kid on their own. That's no one else's business.

In not understanding the “no registry” thing. I get not having a shower- as that basically forces people to buy something for you. But I agree with pp that there are people who will want to buy you something regardless of the pandemic. It’s your first baby! I’m surprised no one has asked you to put one up online. Registries are to help guide people who want to buy you something. No one is obligated to use it.

And about the fixtures- I can’t recall ever seeing black hardware in a kitchen but I can certainly understand your wife wanting to replace it with nickel. Black hardware in white cabinets sounds ugly when I picture it in my head. She wants to get all this done before the baby arrives because there will be NO time once the baby is here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a win/win proposal for you. You can save a fortune on all the baby crap by buying the substantial majority of it used (except for the car seat, buy that new). Take the money you saved from buying baby stuff used and use that for the backsplash.

Getting baby stuff new is generally a rip off and you can get baby stuff in excellent condition on CL or FB Marketplace for 10-20% of the retail price.

OP here. My wife wants everything new. She doesn’t want to buy used items during the pandemic.

Maybe she needs to reconsider her position. You can meet people outside with masks to purchase stuff, no big deal. Any germs will be long gone by the time the baby arrives. Seriously this will save you a small fortune.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you and she go through the $5000 (??!!!) sample registry, and trim some to about $3000-then use the $2000 left for the kitchen?

You can buy nice, new stuff for less than $5000, less than $3000 even. You also don't need every single thing, the very first day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a win/win proposal for you. You can save a fortune on all the baby crap by buying the substantial majority of it used (except for the car seat, buy that new). Take the money you saved from buying baby stuff used and use that for the backsplash.

Getting baby stuff new is generally a rip off and you can get baby stuff in excellent condition on CL or FB Marketplace for 10-20% of the retail price.

Truth. And you don’t need matching nursery suites. A good crib is under $500.

OP here. My wife likes things to match. We will be getting everything to match. We will be buying a nursery set mostly like from PotteryBarn. She really likes those and says they’re high quality.

I was just about to say, let me guess, she wants a matching set from Pottery Barn Kids.

Oh man, you are in for it. It is cheap crap, but they make it look really pretty and so UMC that all the first time basic moms buy it up.

I really hope she didn’t furnish the condo with the same quality mass market mall store furniture. Did you start a thread about her wanting the Pottery Barn baby furniture and then argue with everyone about how she only likes “high quality” stuff? And is this the same wife that only wants to eat organic and has you getting meat delivered from “local farms.” I bet yes it is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a win/win proposal for you. You can save a fortune on all the baby crap by buying the substantial majority of it used (except for the car seat, buy that new). Take the money you saved from buying baby stuff used and use that for the backsplash.

Getting baby stuff new is generally a rip off and you can get baby stuff in excellent condition on CL or FB Marketplace for 10-20% of the retail price.

Truth. And you don’t need matching nursery suites. A good crib is under $500.

OP here. My wife likes things to match. We will be getting everything to match. We will be buying a nursery set mostly like from PotteryBarn. She really likes those and says they’re high quality.

I was just about to say, let me guess, she wants a matching set from Pottery Barn Kids.

Oh man, you are in for it. It is cheap crap, but they make it look really pretty and so UMC that all the first time basic moms buy it up.

I really hope she didn’t furnish the condo with the same quality mass market mall store furniture. Did you start a thread about her wanting the Pottery Barn baby furniture and then argue with everyone about how she only likes “high quality” stuff? And is this the same wife that only wants to eat organic and has you getting meat delivered from “local farms.” I bet yes it is

OP here. A friend of ours recommended the PotteryBarn stuff but we are looking around. She hasn’t decided what she wants. We probably won’t go with PotteryBarn because I heard the shipping takes months.

We got nice furniture from a variety of stores and nothing from PotteryBarn. Never started any thread on baby stuff or food. We don’t eat organic most of the time and we don’t really know what we want for any baby stuff. She is looking up reviews on things.