Divorced dad needs advice about time with my children
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Anonymous
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OK, I seriously need some advice. Divorced now well over a year and separated 2 years before that. Wife has the children (two daughters, ages 8 and 10) out of state. (I was an idiot for letting that happen)...anyway, lately she has convinced them that I beat them. To be very clear, I have never even spanked my children. Was always an extremely active father and had such a good relationship with my girls. (neighbors even say that I'm the only one they ever say out playing with my daughters). On the phone my daughters are making statements about how I hit them. It's beyond painful. .....my ex made this allegation almost two years ago and the state investigated everything an entire summer, the entire time of which I could not communicate with my girls. They came back saying there is absolutely no evidence that I ever hit them...now, two years later my girls are stating the same thing and I'm terrified. I get them every month and my next time with them is coming up shortly. I'm sure that when it comes time for me to get my girls, they will cry and refuse to get into my car. I don't want to traumatize them, but I'm also worried that if I don't insist of taking them, that they will draw further away from me and be even more brainwashed that I have done such things to them.
Does anybody have any experience with child psychology and how I should proceed? Do I make things easy for them and just give them more time...or do I take them? I hope this doesn't sound like I'm rambling.....any advice would be greatly appreciated. |
Anonymous
| I'm sure you have a lawyer by now, you should discuss this with them. |
Anonymous
| You are going to get skewered here. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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Get a lawyer
Move closer to them Get 50/50 physical custody |
Anonymous
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I would not force them to come.
Do you want your kids more? Lots of times a parent complains about stuff but doesn't actually even want to take the kids more. If your points are accurate and you've never been physical with your kids - did you ever grab at them or yank them, turn them, etc., then you will likely need the help of a psychologist and the courts in stopping your ex and rebuilding with the kids. Why do you think your ex is doing this? I would still go. Tell the kids the plan before - we will do x, y and z in this order at these times. Pick fun and public stuff. Go to pick them up but if they don't want to come don't get mad and don't force it. They didn't ask for a mom like this and they might feel they have to believe her and go along with it if she is primary parent. When with the kids just say that didn't happen or other simple things if it comes up but you can't circumvent all behavior of disordered people. Just keep showing up as calm and steady voice of reason and truth but don't blame your dear kids. They didn't create this. |
Anonymous
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How can you convince an 8 or 10 year old that they were hit? Wouldnt they remember?
I would find a way to move to the same state your children live and be more of a daily presence. I echo talking to your lawyer and child psychologist. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| I wish moving was that simple. I work, she doesn't. She moved there simply because it is close to family. If I left my job I would loose my entire retirement and have to start all over. Sure my kids are worth anything....but they also deserve to have a father who can support himself. I also am their sole source of money, as the ex-wife refused to work. I'm sorry, but moving just isn't an option. And yes, I've spoken with my lawyer. Apparently this kind of alienation just isn't illegal in the slightest. Judges do look down at it and I was told to keep all recordings/emails/text messages for anything future that my happen in the court. |
Anonymous
My dad was a successful CEO who gave up everything to move closer to us after mom took us. He lost it all and had to start all over. Kids want their parents, not money. You’re choosing yourself over your kids. As long as you do that, there’s not much you can do about what your ex-wife is doing. |
Anonymous
That's not how retirement works. So Now know you're full of it. |
Anonymous
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10:31 If your ex is manipulative and essentially controlling their minds and narratives that is a problem. This isn't about you. It's about your kids. Money doesn't matter if their entire childhood is an f'ed up mind game and you are allowing a disordered person to raise them. Leaving your children in the care of disordered people is abuse.
Were you ever physical in any way with your wife? |
Anonymous
He’s probably a cop or firefighter or something and needs a certain number of years of active service in order to have full retirement benefits. Not full of it at all. |
Anonymous
This is so bothersome. Maybe get therapy for yourself? |
Anonymous
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The first time she coached them to lie and you were investigated and it was found to be without merit you should have gone after your ex and for custody. You didn't.
Now you are saying it's impossible for you to get another job and move closer to your daughters. It seems you like to complain, but not actually do anything. |
Anonymous
Except , OP didn't say that, but good job helping a troll, troll. There's also another point of his that's not accurate. |
Anonymous
I’ve known so many dads like OP. They put themselves and their career first because they can’t be bothered to be a parent, then complain about everything their ex-wife does. If they were that concerned about their children’s’ well-being, they would drop everything to help. I’ve literally heard dads say “I gotta put on my own mask first!” as an excuse to not be with their own kids. Millions of women give up careers due to kids. Men can do the same. |