s/o Is it really a status thing to have 3+ kids?

[Anonymous]

Is it really a status thing to have 3+ kids? Explain.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think so. I think some people just want to try for the opposite sex or have an oops. Many of the thirds I know are oops babies.

[Anonymous]

Some people think so! It’s like “hey I can afford to send THREE kids to private school, take that!”

This is so bizarre to me. Of all the reasons to bring a child into the world, turning it into a form of conspicuous consumption seems odd to me. But hey, as long as the kids are loved and cared for, more power to them?

[Anonymous]

I'm sure that some people think it is -- especially families with a SAHM, since you're showing off that your husband can support all those people. But it's not like we think poor people with lots of kids are higher status because of it, right?

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids and I don’t feel like it’s a status thing. I’m a hot mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people think so! It’s like “hey I can afford to send THREE kids to private school, take that!”

This is so bizarre to me. Of all the reasons to bring a child into the world, turning it into a form of conspicuous consumption seems odd to me. But hey, as long as the kids are loved and cared for, more power to them?

But do you really love a kid if that's how you view them? Some parents don't actually love their kids, and if your kid is a way to show off your wealth, you don't love them, any more than you love your SUV or your Birkin bag or whatever your Veblen good du jour is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people think so! It’s like “hey I can afford to send THREE kids to private school, take that!”

This is so bizarre to me. Of all the reasons to bring a child into the world, turning it into a form of conspicuous consumption seems odd to me. But hey, as long as the kids are loved and cared for, more power to them?

But do you really love a kid if that's how you view them? Some parents don't actually love their kids, and if your kid is a way to show off your wealth, you don't love them, any more than you love your SUV or your Birkin bag or whatever your Veblen good du jour is.

PP here. I definitely wonder the same thing. But if you can come to live a baby you don’t even want (which happens to a lot of families) I imagine you can come to love a child you had for the purpose of showing off. And often there are lots of reasons to have a kid and maybe this is just one of many factors.

I think it’s a terrible idea but I’m just hesitant to judge parents, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids and I don’t feel like it’s a status thing. I’m a hot mess.

+100. I love having 3 kids, but I 100% don't think it raises my status. I'm hardly pulling off raising them in style.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people think so! It’s like “hey I can afford to send THREE kids to private school, take that!”

This is so bizarre to me. Of all the reasons to bring a child into the world, turning it into a form of conspicuous consumption seems odd to me. But hey, as long as the kids are loved and cared for, more power to them?

But do you really love a kid if that's how you view them? Some parents don't actually love their kids, and if your kid is a way to show off your wealth, you don't love them, any more than you love your SUV or your Birkin bag or whatever your Veblen good du jour is.

Is there another message board on the Internet where someone would reference Veblen casually? Love DCUM.

[Anonymous]

I think it's just a personal choice. Even if it's a status thing, an additional child is so much work..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people think so! It’s like “hey I can afford to send THREE kids to private school, take that!”

This is so bizarre to me. Of all the reasons to bring a child into the world, turning it into a form of conspicuous consumption seems odd to me. But hey, as long as the kids are loved and cared for, more power to them?

But do you really love a kid if that's how you view them? Some parents don't actually love their kids, and if your kid is a way to show off your wealth, you don't love them, any more than you love your SUV or your Birkin bag or whatever your Veblen good du jour is.

I don't think they actually love them. They are just objects or things to train to perform on cue. There are plenty of people who do have the kids for the status, even if only within their own extended families. Dumb, but true. The kids are shipped off or left with family members most of the time and just trotted out for photos or the occasional event. Sometimes they use nannies to the point they are surrogate mums and that is who the child asks for when they want comfort. There are also some men who seem to view # kids as proof of their manliness. Generally, I find those men to have been ignored by their parents and women when they were younger. Then they do well financially and seem to get off on throwing their weight around just because they can.

I saw it at two extremes-one wealthy family and the father had a bit of a complex. He basically ran through wives when they wanted longer than 2-3mo between conceiving children before finding another one. The one I met was in tears the entire weekend we spent together (she was wife 2 or 3).

The other family with seven kids was poor, not particularly popular and they did it for the status within their church and a way of guaranteeing they wouldn't have to be alone because nobody wanted to be around them. Even the ILs didn't because they couldn't handle the alcoholism and how mean they got, much less the loads of kids and a pool. Because one of them had seven kids and the other five. The two couples would get trashed and leave all of the kids (all but one under 10 at the time)under the supervision of the maternal grandparents who finally balked. Not sure what happened-we went NC after that.

[Anonymous]

No, I think there's a lot of reasons why. I come from a big family and it isn't a status thing, more a reflection of my parents' religious background which is one where EVERYONE regardless of rich or poor status, has 3+ kids if they can.

[Anonymous]

The one family we know with 3 kids, the reason they had their third is because they wanted to guarantee grandchildren (figuring that not everyone grows up to have children, but surely at least one out of three would). I felt like this was really wrong-headed, since I don't think you should have kids with the expectation that any of them are going make life decisions that will be fulfilling to you. I'm not sure if this is a "status" thing but I do think it's related. I think the belief that you can control you future in that way, or that you can game your life to guarantee things that for most people are a crapshoot, is a kind of entitlement, and status and entitlement go hand-in-hand for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I think there's a lot of reasons why. I come from a big family and it isn't a status thing, more a reflection of my parents' religious background which is one where EVERYONE regardless of rich or poor status, has 3+ kids if they can.

I think it must be rare, but some really do it as a status symbol. I have seen people admit it in other threads. Kinda hilarious to pick a status symbol that others don’t recognize as a status symbol, though.

[Anonymous]

I certainly view multiple children as a status symbol, primarily of good health!!! I was lucky to start early and have two children before I was diagnosed with conditions that greatly reduced my fertility. It also explained why I had such difficulty with preterm labor and premature birth.

You don't know how lucky you have it until it gets taken away...