s/o Is it really a status thing to have 3+ kids?

[Anonymous]

My parents are European "intellectuals" if you will. In their circles, it was definitely a fashionable thing not to have kids and if you did, to stop at one. I wonder how many people deeply regret their choices in life that they made to achieve some kind of made up "status."

[Anonymous]

Before having kids I wanted a larger family, maybe 3-5 kids. Then I had kids and realized the impacts on your life. We decided to stop at 2 because we had a boy and girl, but would have gone for the try on #3 if it had been boy-boy or girl-girl. One of the things we didn't consider beforehand was the logistical challenges of things like concurrent extracurriculars, and that many things (like amusement park rides) tend to cater to groups of 4, etc. You can find workarounds for all these things obviously, but it just seems "easier" with 4, and also allows us more opportunities for 1:1 time with each kid than 3+ would. I can honestly say about the last thing that factored into our decision (or that we perceive about others) is any sort of "status" associated with # of kids. Most 2 kid families we know could afford a 3rd kid if they wanted one, we just see it as personal preference, honestly never cross our minds to think of it as any sort of a status indicator.

[Anonymous]

I think some people get caught up in the idea of a certain number of kids for whatever reason.

One woman I know practically killed herself (extremely high risk) AND her baby (NICU for months) to give birth.

She and her DH were very vocal on having four kids which was unreasonable to begin with. I figured they'd be "one and done." Nope.

Their DC is now a year old and they just adopted a newborn. Both of them were back at work a day after they brought newborn home. I know for a fact they do NOT need the money.

I think they are fixated on having four and are doing whatever they can to reach that goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's just a personal choice. Even if it's a status thing, an additional child is so much work..

+1

[Anonymous]

Status, no? Hot mess, yes.

I know no one with 3+ kids that doesn't struggle a lot. Even the people with nannies struggle

[Anonymous]

I always assume 3+ kids is Jesus worshippers. I never think they’re upper class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are European "intellectuals" if you will. In their circles, it was definitely a fashionable thing not to have kids and if you did, to stop at one. I wonder how many people deeply regret their choices in life that they made to achieve some kind of made up "status."

This is definitely a thing among the educated set, either have none or just one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always assume 3+ kids is Jesus worshippers. I never think they’re upper class.

I know many families with 3 kids- no religious affiliations. 4 kids can go either way. 5+ definitely some fundamental religious beliefs going on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are European "intellectuals" if you will. In their circles, it was definitely a fashionable thing not to have kids and if you did, to stop at one. I wonder how many people deeply regret their choices in life that they made to achieve some kind of made up "status."

Northern European professionals REALLY look down on anyone with more than 2 kids, sometimes even one. DH works for a Northern European company and most of the execs I've met have one kid. It's part of why they can afford such good maternity/paternity benefits for white-collar workers--social shaming if you have too many kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assume 3+ kids is Jesus worshippers. I never think they’re upper class.

I know many families with 3 kids- no religious affiliations. 4 kids can go either way. 5+ definitely some fundamental religious beliefs going on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents are European "intellectuals" if you will. In their circles, it was definitely a fashionable thing not to have kids and if you did, to stop at one. I wonder how many people deeply regret their choices in life that they made to achieve some kind of made up "status."

Northern European professionals REALLY look down on anyone with more than 2 kids, sometimes even one. DH works for a Northern European company and most of the execs I've met have one kid. It's part of why they can afford such good maternity/paternity benefits for white-collar workers--social shaming if you have too many kids.

PP here. Now that I think of it, all of the bosses DH has had who are in Europe and execs are one and done, or no kids.

[Anonymous]

Mom of 3 here - my MIL nearly fainted (no exaggeration) when we announced we were expecting baby 3.
We already had a boy and a girl and in her mind, an utter waste to continue on having more children after achieving this “ideal.’

She couldn’t wait to pull me aside and ask if this pregnancy was “an accident.” It was all I could do to hold it together and not say something g I’d regret but I did answer that “very much planned and the only surprise was how quickly I got pregnant.”

All that said, MIL absolutely thinks more than two is a “rich person” thing...she still loves to remind us just how expensive it’s going to be to educate “all three.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids and I don’t feel like it’s a status thing. I’m a hot mess.

Same here. But maybe people will be so impressed with my third kid they won’t notice my little townhouse and my 16 year old car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Is it really a status thing to have 3+ kids? Explain.

Having children is not an achievement. There is no status to one or three or thirteen
Though there should be a stupidity award for women who keep.popping them out.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids and don't consider it a status thing, nor am I religious. The third child was very much wanted and planned, as were the first two. I don't think my husband and I struggle any more than those of our friends with just one or two kids. We don't have particularly high salaries, but we make enough to have paid for a nanny or daycare when needed.

I don't really care what other people think about the number of kids we have, the size of our house or the age of our car.