Husband Said No

[Anonymous]

I’m expecting my first child and have been looking into birth centers because of the pandemic. I think it will be more calm and less chaotic than a hospital. I’m 37 and have a healthy pregnancy. My husband is 100% against it. He is all in favor of me having a natural birth if I chose to, but wants to be at a hospital if anything goes wrong. The birth center is an hour away from the nearest hospital and he worries it’s way too risky. I feel like I should be able to make this decision but want to respect his decision too.

[Anonymous]

I’m with your Dh. Sorry. It’s his kid, too.

[Anonymous]

An hour away is WAY too risky. Totally agree with your husband on this one.

[Anonymous]

I think that the decision is ultimately yours but he's making valid points. An hour from a hospital is pretty nuts if things go sideways. You can find a midwife group that delivers at a birthing center adjacent to a hospital or in a hospital but with a less interventionist ideology. The midwife group I used had an option for waterbirthing, in a hospital with a Level III NICU - best of both worlds.

And, fwiw, I was 36 with a healthy pregnancy and ended up needing a C section on day 3, and transferred from the midwives to the OBs for the procedure.

[Anonymous]

First I will say my birthing suite was not chaotic at all—if anything I wouldn’t have minded more frequent check-ins (not that I felt I was receiving poor care, just that they are not there a lot). Second I wonder if you could compromise by having a birth doula— you would get someone to help you stay in the zone you want to be in but still be at a hospital?

[Anonymous]

An hour is way too far.

[Anonymous]

An hour away, 37, first pregnancy. No.

[Anonymous]

Team DH. He doesn't want to lose you or the baby if anything goes wrong.

[Anonymous]

An hour away is just too far, OP. Ideally a birth center won't take you if you're high risk, but you never know. It's just too big a risk when the nearest hospital is an hour away.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I agree with your husband on the merits.

But I actually don't think that's relevant. You two disagree, and my personal opinion isn't relevant. I do think that as a general rule, the parent with the more safety conscious view (as long as it's reasonably within the mainstream) wins, and I don't think the fact that you're the one giving birth is relevant here. So, you give birth in a hospital.

I will say - I gave birth in a hospital with a midwife and I strongly, strongly recommend this option if you can swing it. A great middle ground in your case, as well.

[Anonymous]

I had my 2nd at a birth center and it was a wonderful environment and I completely understand your desires. What do the midwifes say? Are they offering you advice or caution? Is the practice one where it is very easy or hard to transfer during labor (how are the relationships with the hospital and OBs)? That does seem like a bit of a distance, but if I was very low risk that alone wouldn't stop me. With your age that does add a risk factor but I'm not informed on what those risks due to age are so I don't know how that would weigh in. Are the midwives more cautious and ready to transfer at earlier signs of distress, given the distance? I assume they are used to questions about this from pretty much every mother they work with. Has your husband been able to attend any of the appointments with you to ask questions, etc.? You are the one who is going to be giving birth so you are the one who needs to be comfortable.

[Anonymous]

No effing way. Not at 37, not for a first pregnancy, not an hour away. Even one of those is enough but all three? No effing way.

[Anonymous]

Agree with your husband.

[Anonymous]

I completely agree with your husband.

[Anonymous]

DW did a natural birth, in a hospital. I'm glad we were there. She had an issue during childbirth and might have died from bleeding out if the doctors weren't there.