Husband Said No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m with your Dh. Sorry. It’s his kid, too.

It’s his kid, so he gets 50% of the say regarding the child.

It’s her body and she gets 100% of the say regarding her body. What it comes down to is she should listen to his concerns about the birth but the final decision is hers and hers alone.

[Anonymous]

Agree with husband. I had a home birth which was a disaster and wish I'd listened to everyone who told me that hospital was best. It is, of course, your decision but if you are in the alleged only 1% that needs intervention (which everyone told me but was wrong) it could be a life or death situation. Given the risks, it's not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Op, you are what is called an "elderly primagravida". I was one. You want to be in the hospital. Both of mine were C-sections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I agree with your husband on the merits.

But I actually don't think that's relevant. You two disagree, and my personal opinion isn't relevant. I do think that as a general rule, the parent with the more safety conscious view (as long as it's reasonably within the mainstream) wins, and I don't think the fact that you're the one giving birth is relevant here. So, you give birth in a hospital.

I will say - I gave birth in a hospital with a midwife and I strongly, strongly recommend this option if you can swing it. A great middle ground in your case, as well.

I would also add - if your first birth goes smoothly, and you don't need any drugs or interventions, perhaps your husband would consider it for a second birth? Past performance being indicative of future performance and all.

[Anonymous]

I'm sympathetic but I think your husband makes a lot of sense. I had a midwife deliver my first in a hospital (is that an option for you?), then delivered my second in a birth center with a midwife, but a hospital was 10 minutes away. (And by the way, it looked for a while, both pre- and post-delivery, that I would have to transfer to the hospital, so I was glad it was close if needed.)

[Anonymous]

waaay too risky. an hour away? no way.

[Anonymous]

Deliver with midwives at the hospital and get a doula.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds like a smart guy!

[Anonymous]

I would not give birth an hour away from the nearest hospital if I had any other options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Deliver with midwives at the hospital and get a doula.

+1

I delivered all three of mine with midwives in a hospital (no doula) and all three births were great. All hell broke loose on the maternity ward when I was there to deliver my third; it was an elective induction and I was there a while. But, I wouldn’t have known how bonkers it was, since my room was plenty peaceful. It’s not like you’ll have COVID patients in the delivery room with you.

And, yeah, your DH has a point about safety. Things can go very wrong, very quickly, and you want to be in the hospital if they do.

[Anonymous]

An hour away is too far. You can have a natural birth at a hospital.

[Anonymous]

Can you not find a center much, much closer to a hospital?

[Anonymous]

Nope. If you were a decade younger it would be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. If you were a decade younger it would be different.

It really would not be. An hour is WAY too far. My mom was 24 with me and almost bled to death. I was 27 with my first, and baby got stuck at the shoulders and it was almost a tragedy.

[Anonymous]

I could tell you horror stories of baby death, mother death, plus near misses. In all cases being in a hospital setting could have saved lives or being in a hospital did save lives. You are already considered higher risk due to age alone. Where have you been doing pre-natal care?