Husband Said No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like a previous poster, I do believe that you have the ultimate right to make this choice as it is your body involved in delivering the baby. I equally believe that it would be the wrong choice to move forward with this birthing center. And I believe that your husband could and should hold you accountable for your choice. Regardless of whether or not something actually goes wrong. Birth is simply not about you. It is about the baby. That you would risk your child’s well-being and life in this way is something that, as a spouse, would make me furious. I am being more direct than some other posters, but I believe that a decision to do this in her situation is selfish, regardless of what your husband thinks. If the two of you agreed together to do this I would think that you were together being selfish as it is the baby who pays the price , even if this price is losing its mother while being born. having a child is not about your experience and your comfort and your desires. And the sooner you become comfortable with us the better. And if you don’t, be well prepared for judgment and decision making by your spouse, family and child.

On the birth not being about mom, I disagree and believe it’s one of the reasons maternal mortality is the highest of the developed world here in the US. My sister and several friends would have died during delivery if they hadn’t been in a hospital. Their babies might have made it but they’d be dead. An hour is too far away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Those pre-birth measurements are notoriously wrong.

I am aware of that but they are off by 2lbs (not 5), so that would still be a 9lb baby that would have you re-thinking the home birth.

Anonymous wrote:One mom had a third degree tear

Probably worth thinking about a scheduled c section to avoid fecal incontinence rather than trying to push out an 11lb-er IMO

Anonymous wrote: I think once the head is out, you can't do a C-section anyway

They can push the head back up but once they're resorting to extreme measures like that the chance of a bad outcome goes up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fwiw, a good birthing center will have all kinds of procedures to deal with neonatal resuscitation and maternal hemorrhage. But a good birth center will know when to transfer a mother to a nearby hospital!

Query whether a good birthing center would choose a location one hour from a hospital.

Yes I suspect this "birth center" is "a hippie's basement full of pillows and essential oils".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like a previous poster, I do believe that you have the ultimate right to make this choice as it is your body involved in delivering the baby. I equally believe that it would be the wrong choice to move forward with this birthing center. And I believe that your husband could and should hold you accountable for your choice. Regardless of whether or not something actually goes wrong. Birth is simply not about you. It is about the baby. That you would risk your child’s well-being and life in this way is something that, as a spouse, would make me furious. I am being more direct than some other posters, but I believe that a decision to do this in her situation is selfish, regardless of what your husband thinks. If the two of you agreed together to do this I would think that you were together being selfish as it is the baby who pays the price , even if this price is losing its mother while being born. having a child is not about your experience and your comfort and your desires. And the sooner you become comfortable with us the better. And if you don’t, be well prepared for judgment and decision making by your spouse, family and child.

On the birth not being about mom, I disagree and believe it’s one of the reasons maternal mortality is the highest of the developed world here in the US. My sister and several friends would have died during delivery if they hadn’t been in a hospital. Their babies might have made it but they’d be dead. An hour is too far away.

US maternal mortality rate is extremely high because we have the confluence of poor/minority/under insured/social problems population crashing into age 35+ first time moms/ART pregnancies +/- twins with a healthy serving of obesity to go around

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An hour away, 37, first pregnancy. No.

+1

Also, what kind of NICU facilities does a birthing center have? Please choose a hospital.

[Anonymous]

Your husband has the right idea. An hour away is too long. Either choose a birthing center connected to a hospital or just give birth in a hospital like the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So for what it’s worth I think all of the posters saying it’s only about the baby and you have no right to preferences once you become a mother are way off track/ have a lot of internalized misogyny to deal with.

But.

They call it a “golden hour” in trauma medicine for a reason. What about staying in a hotel in order to be able to use a birth center attached to a hospital or within a very reasonable transfer time (personally I don’t think I’d stretch that time more than 10-15 minutes)

This is a ridiculous strawman.

[Anonymous]

Smart husband.

[Anonymous]

Just Google Kara Keough.

[Anonymous]

I was 33 with an uneventful pregnancy. Not by choice but my labor / delivery was unmedicated and mostly unattended (my husband almost had to catch the baby). But then I retained the placenta and it had an infection that was previously undetected. As I was hemorrhaging post-partum I was grateful to be in a hospital even if all the rest I could have done in my living room or a birthing center or wherever.

[Anonymous]

I delivered at Sibley in early April 2020, during the beginning of the pandemic, when much more was uncertain. It was not at all "chaotic"--we received EXCELLENT care from all of the nurses and staff, and we didn't even see any other families while we were there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW did a natural birth, in a hospital. I'm glad we were there. She had an issue during childbirth and might have died from bleeding out if the doctors weren't there.

Me too - and was very close to needing blood transfusions. As others have said, the birthing suite was not chaotic at all (until it was like grays anatomy when i was hemorrhaging). Bring your own music and calming influences to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An hour away, 37, first pregnancy. No.

+1

Also, what kind of NICU facilities does a birthing center have? Please choose a hospital.

+1 Had my first baby at 37. I'm not going to be that woman who tells someone who is pregnant all the terrifying details, but whatever you choose you do want to be close to a hospital. I would choose a homebirth close to a hospital vs a birthing center an hour from a hospital (do you live in a rural area?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An hour away, 37, first pregnancy. No.

+1

Also, what kind of NICU facilities does a birthing center have? Please choose a hospital.

I just had a baby at a birthing center. Like my previous baby, born at a hospital, this one came super fast (literally one push to deliver the whole baby!) and wasn’t breathing well. The CNM (a former NICU nurse) did everything the NICU team at the hospital did in the hospital delivery room with my previous baby, and more — helped him breathe with the bag, gave him oxygen, suctioned him, etc. If he had had further difficulty, we could have gone to the hospital five minutes away but he was totally fine after about fifteen minutes.

An hour away is a total nonstarter.

[Anonymous]

I don't recall anything being chaotic during either of my hospital deliveries. Both were C-sections. But the first was an emergency C-section. Even that wasn't chaotic. OP, why do you think it will be chaotic?