So many who don’t like/respect parents

[Anonymous]

and cut them off. And many people say that’s ok.

What happens when you don’t like who your children turned out to be?

[Anonymous]

Details, please.

[Anonymous]

Well I didn't like my mother because she was an emotionally manipulative narcissist and I didn't like my dad because he had a temper and beat me.

It is not down to some random - oh I didn't get the pudding I wanted for supper- kind of decision, it is usually a direct result of long-felt abuse, physical or emotional or if you're really lucky, both.

[Anonymous]

If my child turns out to be abusive? I will not condone it, no. I would gladly help my child get help, but I will not enable in any way shape or form.

I also don't run around judge other people when I haven't walked in their shoes.

[Anonymous]

Disliking and arguing with the next & previous generations is a time-honored human tradition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and cut them off. And many people say that’s ok.

What happens when you don’t like who your children turned out to be?

Good question. I find it interesting that many self-absorbed adults claim their parents are "narcissists" yet they are actually more guilty of narcissistic behavior: "My parent doesn't admire what I do, doesn't think the way I do, doesn't behave the way I want, doesn't realize how important MY life is, do not understand how unique my challenges are, refuse to recognize my analysis of their mental health problems, and on top of that - expects me to feel sympathy because they are getting older, lonely and want their children to care about what happens to them."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and cut them off. And many people say that’s ok.

What happens when you don’t like who your children turned out to be?

Good question. I find it interesting that many self-absorbed adults claim their parents are "narcissists" yet they are actually more guilty of narcissistic behavior: "My parent doesn't admire what I do, doesn't think the way I do, doesn't behave the way I want, doesn't realize how important MY life is, do not understand how unique my challenges are, refuse to recognize my analysis of their mental health problems, and on top of that - expects me to feel sympathy because they are getting older, lonely and want their children to care about what happens to them."

Found the estranged mom.

Does it bother you that your child's MIL gets to see the grandkids while you don't? Did it ever dawn on you that you should have changed your behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and cut them off. And many people say that’s ok.

What happens when you don’t like who your children turned out to be?

Good question. I find it interesting that many self-absorbed adults claim their parents are "narcissists" yet they are actually more guilty of narcissistic behavior: "My parent doesn't admire what I do, doesn't think the way I do, doesn't behave the way I want, doesn't realize how important MY life is, do not understand how unique my challenges are, refuse to recognize my analysis of their mental health problems, and on top of that - expects me to feel sympathy because they are getting older, lonely and want their children to care about what happens to them."

Every post like this has a narcissist like you chiming in (or maybe you’re the one responding each time).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and cut them off. And many people say that’s ok.

What happens when you don’t like who your children turned out to be?

Good question. I find it interesting that many self-absorbed adults claim their parents are "narcissists" yet they are actually more guilty of narcissistic behavior: "My parent doesn't admire what I do, doesn't think the way I do, doesn't behave the way I want, doesn't realize how important MY life is, do not understand how unique my challenges are, refuse to recognize my analysis of their mental health problems, and on top of that - expects me to feel sympathy because they are getting older, lonely and want their children to care about what happens to them."

+100

[Anonymous]

How many of these people had parents who didn’t like or respect them as children and/ or as adults? You reap what you sow. It is certainly healthy for people to distance themselves from those who are abusive or manipulative. If that means distancing from a parent, I completely support that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and cut them off. And many people say that’s ok.

What happens when you don’t like who your children turned out to be?

Just because you share DNA with someone doesn’t guarantee that you’ll like or respect them. People like you fail to understand that parents aren’t godlike figures automatically deserving of respect. My mother stole from me several times, told us she wished we’d never been born and was often violent.
My father father was a violent drunk who chose to buy alcohol for his friends instead of feeding and clothing his family. Later in life, he replaced his alcohol addiction with religion and justified his shitty behaviour because we wouldn’t convert. These are just some of the reasons I don’t like or respect them. I finally cut off contact when they were nasty to my children. It’s been over 3 years, and I’m so much happier without them.

[Anonymous]

I haven't done anything wrong except not support my parents behavior/having affairs. My Dad told me he disowned me years ago. I said fine, wished him the best and moved on. He said he took me out of the will. Years later he said it wasn't true but will not show me the will. Now he's older, alone and wants attention. He needs to find it with who ever is in that will (my sibling), etc.

Think wisely before you threaten to cut off your kids. You may need them later on.

[Anonymous]

Its not about not liking or respecting, the problems are much deeper than that.

If you have an abusive child then yes I would think you would have to put in protective techniques for yourself or you would suffer throughout the entire relationship.

There is a very big difference between not liking someone due to different personalities/opinions and not liking someone because they are abusive. You can have many differences and not like certain things about a person and still have a respectful relationship.

[Anonymous]

My mother was routinely horrible to me. Beat me as a a child, sent me hate mail as an adult, bad mouthed me with lies to other family, cut me from the will. Then she got pancreatic cancer and had a falling out with my sister.

She died alone in her apartment. She called at least a dozen times. I never picked up. I don't even know who cleaned out her things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many of these people had parents who didn’t like or respect them as children and/ or as adults? You reap what you sow. It is certainly healthy for people to distance themselves from those who are abusive or manipulative. If that means distancing from a parent, I completely support that.

+1

This. My parents hated being parents. They spent my entire childhood screaming at us, hitting us, complaining about everything we did, blaming us for any dissatisfaction in their own lives, etc. They were just terribly immature people and having kids did not make them get it together -- they just took their immaturity out on us.

The thing is, I don't even fully blame them. They had their own terrible parents, and they had kids way too young and then they had too many kids (they both grew up Catholic and this is just what people did). I do think, on some level, they tried their best. But now that I've been out in the world for a while, and seen how other people parent, and also become a parent myself, I can see how damaging and terrible my upbringing was. I think I rationalized it when I was younger, but now I can see it for what it was. I'm not even angry at my parents necessarily, but I do recognize that their parenting was objectively bad.

And because they've never really come to terms with any of it -- not their own bad childhoods, and certainly not the clearly abusive things they did to us, being close to them would mean perpetuating a falsehood (that I had some idyllic childhood and that they gave me everything) to protect their fragile egos. I can see why they want this, and I can even see why a couple of my siblings have chosen to do it with them. But I know that for me, it would hurt to much. So I choose to distance myself. I haven't cut them off, but I live far away and I keep myself emotionally detached and I don't allow myself to be drawn into their fantasy of us as a close-knit family. That's something I do for myself and for my own kids. It's the right choice for me.

Anyone who calls that selfish is living in the same fantasy as my parents, believing you can spend 30 years abusing and hurting your children and then expect them to flip a switch and adore you into your old age. That's not a reasonable expectation.