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Reply to "So many who don’t like/respect parents"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How many of these people had parents who didn’t like or respect them as children and/ or as adults? You reap what you sow. It is certainly healthy for people to distance themselves from those who are abusive or manipulative. If that means distancing from a parent, I completely support that. [/quote] +1 This. My parents hated being parents. They spent my entire childhood screaming at us, hitting us, complaining about everything we did, blaming us for any dissatisfaction in their own lives, etc. They were just terribly immature people and having kids did not make them get it together -- they just took their immaturity out on us. The thing is, I don't even fully blame them. They had their own terrible parents, and they had kids way too young and then they had too many kids (they both grew up Catholic and this is just what people did). I do think, on some level, they tried their best. But now that I've been out in the world for a while, and seen how other people parent, and also become a parent myself, I can see how damaging and terrible my upbringing was. I think I rationalized it when I was younger, but now I can see it for what it was. I'm not even angry at my parents necessarily, but I do recognize that their parenting was objectively bad. And because they've never really come to terms with any of it -- not their own bad childhoods, and certainly not the clearly abusive things they did to us, being close to them would mean perpetuating a falsehood (that I had some idyllic childhood and that they gave me everything) to protect their fragile egos. I can see why they want this, and I can even see why a couple of my siblings have chosen to do it with them. But I know that for me, it would hurt to much. So I choose to distance myself. I haven't cut them off, but I live far away and I keep myself emotionally detached and I don't allow myself to be drawn into their fantasy of us as a close-knit family. That's something I do for myself and for my own kids. It's the right choice for me. Anyone who calls that selfish is living in the same fantasy as my parents, believing you can spend 30 years abusing and hurting your children and then expect them to flip a switch and adore you into your old age. That's not a reasonable expectation.[/quote]
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