So many who don’t like/respect parents

[Anonymous]

Me suspects a lot of narcissists are up in arms today very unhappy they will get called out one day for their abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me suspects a lot of narcissists are up in arms today very unhappy they will get called out one day for their abuse.

Are you referring to the abusive parents? You need help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My young adult DD has a bunch of friends who grew up without mothers in their lives. I find it mind boggling. I mean, how many kids out there had their moms walk out on them when they were children? Did any of you have moms who walked out on you and left you high and dry like that? One of her friends was adopted by her stepfather - and then her biological mother walked out on her, and her stepdad raised her alone! I think he deserves a medal.

If you have a mom who was abusive, or a diagnosed BPD or another diagnosed severe mental disorder like that, I can understand your wanting to keep your distance. I encountered a lot of dysfunctional crazies among the school parents when my kid was growing up. But disliking your mom because she tried to steer you, but with love and not with malice? Uh, okay. Whatever. Just be glad your mom never walked out on you to go find herself. At least give her some basic credit for hanging in there with the midnight feedings and the all-nighters dealing with your illnesses, protecting you from danger and trying to guide you as you made big life choices, putting you first in her life and pouring all her love and effort into trying to raise you right. That's what life comes down to, and it's awfully selfish to write it all off as if it was no skin off your mom's nose.

You must not read this forum too often because most often the behavior described is abusive or mentally ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me suspects a lot of narcissists are up in arms today very unhappy they will get called out one day for their abuse.

Are you referring to the abusive parents? You need help.

Are you drunk or illiterate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother was routinely horrible to me. Beat me as a a child, sent me hate mail as an adult, bad mouthed me with lies to other family, cut me from the will. Then she got pancreatic cancer and had a falling out with my sister.

She died alone in her apartment. She called at least a dozen times. I never picked up. I don't even know who cleaned out her things.

Cold as ice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends these days believe their mothers are “narcissists.” I nod along but it’s absolutely silly.

+1

Curious, what started this trend? A particular book or article? My sister is like this about our mother and I was really surprised when I heard her make these claims...

Exactly. It's one thing to feel like this about a horrible mother. But to decide to see a good parent in this light is unfair and unkind and ultimately delusional.

[Anonymous]

Do what you want OP. You don’t owe anything to your adult children, just as they don’t to you.

Put whatever amount of time and effort into the relationship as you want and that are comfortable with. If you truly don’t like someone, and don’t like being around them- it shouldn’t matter if you are related to them or not- step away.

[Anonymous]

Get therapy op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get therapy op.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Op why are you obsessed with this subject? You need therapy and to deal with whatever is going on in your life.

OP is an estranged middle aged parent, not a 30 year old with a pile of dysfunctional friends. That’s why this is so personal for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and cut them off. And many people say that’s ok.

What happens when you don’t like who your children turned out to be?

Good question. I find it interesting that many self-absorbed adults claim their parents are "narcissists" yet they are actually more guilty of narcissistic behavior: "My parent doesn't admire what I do, doesn't think the way I do, doesn't behave the way I want, doesn't realize how important MY life is, do not understand how unique my challenges are, refuse to recognize my analysis of their mental health problems, and on top of that - expects me to feel sympathy because they are getting older, lonely and want their children to care about what happens to them."

I'm a little more concerned about the person that generalizes about what "many" people do, when their time could be spent more productively. You're kind of pathetic. Get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother was routinely horrible to me. Beat me as a a child, sent me hate mail as an adult, bad mouthed me with lies to other family, cut me from the will. Then she got pancreatic cancer and had a falling out with my sister.

She died alone in her apartment. She called at least a dozen times. I never picked up. I don't even know who cleaned out her things.

Cold as ice.

DP. Wow, were you beaten, did your parents send you hate mail, did they smear your name to others. Has this ever happened in your life? Would you really keep someone like this in your life? I am being serious. The type of abuse some people on this thread are trying to make seem ok is truly horrendous. No wonder there is so much domestic violence when women are told it is ok, they should take it and if they don't they are cold.

If their mother hits them, it should be nothing for their husband to hit them as well. What a charming message DCUM sends out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends these days believe their mothers are “narcissists.” I nod along but it’s absolutely silly.

+1

Curious, what started this trend? A particular book or article? My sister is like this about our mother and I was really surprised when I heard her make these claims...

Exactly. It's one thing to feel like this about a horrible mother. But to decide to see a good parent in this light is unfair and unkind and ultimately delusional.

My own mother goes on about my grandmother being a narcissist despite any meaningful proof of this. I love my mom but I’ve always felt uncomfortable with the way she talks so negatively about her mother and I don’t think it set a good standard for me (esp in my teen years). No way will I be endlessly trash talking my parents in front of my kids- it sours their own relationship with them and is so unfair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My young adult DD has a bunch of friends who grew up without mothers in their lives. I find it mind boggling. I mean, how many kids out there had their moms walk out on them when they were children? Did any of you have moms who walked out on you and left you high and dry like that? One of her friends was adopted by her stepfather - and then her biological mother walked out on her, and her stepdad raised her alone! I think he deserves a medal.

If you have a mom who was abusive, or a diagnosed BPD or another diagnosed severe mental disorder like that, I can understand your wanting to keep your distance. I encountered a lot of dysfunctional crazies among the school parents when my kid was growing up. But disliking your mom because she tried to steer you, but with love and not with malice? Uh, okay. Whatever. Just be glad your mom never walked out on you to go find herself. At least give her some basic credit for hanging in there with the midnight feedings and the all-nighters dealing with your illnesses, protecting you from danger and trying to guide you as you made big life choices, putting you first in her life and pouring all her love and effort into trying to raise you right. That's what life comes down to, and it's awfully selfish to write it all off as if it was no skin off your mom's nose.

You would be surprised how many people you know have “severe mental disorder” and you don’t realize it. My MIL is diagnosed BPD and she was a well regarded public school teacher for decades. But man some of the stories my spouse could tell about their childhood would make your hair stand on end...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My young adult DD has a bunch of friends who grew up without mothers in their lives. I find it mind boggling. I mean, how many kids out there had their moms walk out on them when they were children? Did any of you have moms who walked out on you and left you high and dry like that? One of her friends was adopted by her stepfather - and then her biological mother walked out on her, and her stepdad raised her alone! I think he deserves a medal.

If you have a mom who was abusive, or a diagnosed BPD or another diagnosed severe mental disorder like that, I can understand your wanting to keep your distance. I encountered a lot of dysfunctional crazies among the school parents when my kid was growing up. But disliking your mom because she tried to steer you, but with love and not with malice? Uh, okay. Whatever. Just be glad your mom never walked out on you to go find herself. At least give her some basic credit for hanging in there with the midnight feedings and the all-nighters dealing with your illnesses, protecting you from danger and trying to guide you as you made big life choices, putting you first in her life and pouring all her love and effort into trying to raise you right. That's what life comes down to, and it's awfully selfish to write it all off as if it was no skin off your mom's nose.

You would be surprised how many people you know have “severe mental disorder” and you don’t realize it. My MIL is diagnosed BPD and she was a well regarded public school teacher for decades. But man some of the stories my spouse could tell about their childhood would make your hair stand on end...

I’m willing to bet that some of her former students know there’s something wrong with her.