Sister and her constant health “issues”

[Anonymous]

My much younger sister has had a host of health problems that have led to many ER visits, doctor appointments, and tests that never amount to anything. She gets migraines, complains of constant neck plan, numbness in her arms, and poor circulation. She’s extremely dramatic so over the years I stopped paying much attention to the “I’m at the ER” and “this is what major medical problems I may have now” texts and phone calls. I’ve talked to her about her need to overreact to everything and how not everything is an emergency. Well she has started having some facial paralysis and a neurologist ordered and MRI of her neck/spine and apparently she has a syrinx in her spinal cord that has caused significant damage and will be meeting with a neurosurgeon to discuss surgical options. Apparently all of her symptoms are from this syrinx in her spinal cord. I feel awful that I lectured her so much, and dismissed so many of her concerns. I am really concerned about her but at the same time I know she’s going to turn this into an attention grab. How can I let her know I am worried about he without feeding into her attention seeking behavior.

[Anonymous]

My sister is like this too. I just stopped worrying because I know now that she overdramatizes. He ER visits and hospital stays are just so out of control. It’s embarrassing. She is now also doing it with her kids. I just secretly roll my eyes and do nt say anything.

Sorry to hear that it actually was something (this time). Don’t feel guilty.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, you're an asshole. I read your second sentence and immediately thought, "Pinched nerve? Something pressing on spine?"

She wants attention because nobody has cared about her, you idiot. You're the worst sister ever. She SHOULD be getting lots of attention and fussed over - she has something wrong with her spine and needs surgery. She's scared as hell and in tons of pain.

[Anonymous]

What reaction do you want? I have bad migraines and the doctors blow me off. If they cannot see it they just throw medications at you without taking the time to figure it out. I'm glad she got it figured out as her suffering must be horrible. I learned there is no point to ER and hospital stays as they are useless. I don't even talk to my sibling much as they think its made up. You aren't worried or care so stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

I am really concerned about her but at the same time I know she’s going to turn this into an attention grab

How do you know that she is reaching out to you because she wants attention? Maybe she's afraid or lonely and needs support, someone to talk to or reassurance. Maybe she has anxiety. Migraines and constant neck pain can be intensely painful at their worst.

What your sister has right now could be caused by meningitis or a tumor, among other things. Hopefully it isn't. If she is upset and needs a lot of support, that is completely understandable.

Please be kind to your sister.

[Anonymous]

PP. Also, why the quotation around "issues"? If she has them.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she needs some attention. Maybe give her some.

[Anonymous]

why the low empathy for your sister OP? I think you'll find it's helpful to figure out that issue, which is making you feel uncomfortable with yourself and undermining your relationship with your sister.

[Anonymous]

Wait—so your sister is in legitimate pain from a legitimate medical issue, and you’re trying to figure out how to dole out support so that she doesn’t bask in the attention. Did I get that right?

Damn. I hope you have a good therapist to unpack your warped view of the world. Who hurt you—your mom or dad?

[Anonymous]

Your sister has had years of pain from this issue before diagnosis. She was calling you because she has been frustrated and in PAIN. If you are a woman, you know that most doctors seem to take women less seriously, always seem to think they are being overly dramatic. Your sister was frustrated and needed to vent.

I hope her surgery goes well and she is able to resolve her constant pain.

The idea of neurosurgery is scary. The idea of surgery during covid is scary. ( and the idea that covid could cancel her surgery is scary too)

Be nice.

[Anonymous]

Nerve pain is horrible and can really take over your life. Your sister is probably incredibly relived that they finally figured out what is wrong with her. How do you think this will become an “attention grab” beyond what a person would normally expect who is dealing with chronic harrowing pain and spine surgery?

[Anonymous]

Must be nice to shame people up on that high horse of yours OP.

What you say is: "I am sorry I didnt listen to you before. I am sorry that I made you feel shamed or lonely or unsupported. I am willing to work on it. Do you need someone to come with you to your appointments to take notes so that you can focus on the doctor? How are you feeling"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My much younger sister has had a host of health problems that have led to many ER visits, doctor appointments, and tests that never amount to anything. She gets migraines, complains of constant neck plan, numbness in her arms, and poor circulation. She’s extremely dramatic so over the years I stopped paying much attention to the “I’m at the ER” and “this is what major medical problems I may have now” texts and phone calls. I’ve talked to her about her need to overreact to everything and how not everything is an emergency. Well she has started having some facial paralysis and a neurologist ordered and MRI of her neck/spine and apparently she has a syrinx in her spinal cord that has caused significant damage and will be meeting with a neurosurgeon to discuss surgical options. Apparently all of her symptoms are from this syrinx in her spinal cord. I feel awful that I lectured her so much, and dismissed so many of her concerns. I am really concerned about her but at the same time I know she’s going to turn this into an attention grab. How can I let her know I am worried about he without feeding into her attention seeking behavior.

OP clearly regrets the baby coming into her life and taking her parents "attention"

How old are you??

[Anonymous]

The research shows that women’s pain is not taken as seriously by the medical community as men’s pain is. This is a serious failure by our doctors and hospitals. Your sister’s situation certainly bears this out - and you fell into the same trap (hysteria, drama, attention-seeking, etc.). You owe your sister an apology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, you're an asshole. I read your second sentence and immediately thought, "Pinched nerve? Something pressing on spine?"

She wants attention because nobody has cared about her, you idiot. You're the worst sister ever. She SHOULD be getting lots of attention and fussed over - she has something wrong with her spine and needs surgery. She's scared as hell and in tons of pain.

Sister found this thread.