Sister and her constant health “issues”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The research shows that women’s pain is not taken as seriously by the medical community as men’s pain is. This is a serious failure by our doctors and hospitals. Your sister’s situation certainly bears this out - and you fell into the same trap (hysteria, drama, attention-seeking, etc.). You owe your sister an apology.

That's what I was just thinking too. All in your head, little lady. And gd forbid it's a fat woman in pain - then all she'll get is a lecture about how important it is to lose weight.

[Anonymous]

Two things can be true: your sister had unremitting mysterious pain AND your sister has dramatic / high maintenance tendencies. Did you sister have these tendencies earlier/in other aspects of life or only with regard to this problem?

I agree with PP that you should try to be supportive w/o feeding the drama, starting with "I am so happy for you that you found an explanation. How can I help you get through the surgery?"

[Anonymous]

OP you are one of the meanest people who has ever posted here. You and the woman who resents her husband's dog.

[Anonymous]

I realize I have made myself sound like an awful person. Perhaps I do hold some resentment towards her drama queen behavior that is making it hard for me to be sympathetic. Our relationship has always been one-sided with me constantly trying to talk her down, reassure and help her navigate life. I do need to push those feelings aside and be more supportive. Leave it do DCUM to hold people accountable.

-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize I have made myself sound like an awful person. Perhaps I do hold some resentment towards her drama queen behavior that is making it hard for me to be sympathetic. Our relationship has always been one-sided with me constantly trying to talk her down, reassure and help her navigate life. I do need to push those feelings aside and be more supportive. Leave it do DCUM to hold people accountable.

-OP

No remorse at all, eh?

Perhaps one day you will be in great suffering and will think of how you treated her all these years. I'm sure she'll be kinder to you than you were to her, even though you don't deserve it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize I have made myself sound like an awful person. Perhaps I do hold some resentment towards her drama queen behavior that is making it hard for me to be sympathetic. Our relationship has always been one-sided with me constantly trying to talk her down, reassure and help her navigate life. I do need to push those feelings aside and be more supportive. Leave it do DCUM to hold people accountable.

-OP

She's 14 years younger than you are. You're almost a generation apart. For a very high proportion of the time you have known her, the relationship being "one-sided" was totally appropriate. She probably did need reassurance and help navigating life. Perhaps you don't know how to back off when that is no longer needed?

[Anonymous]

No one likes a malingerer, OP, we get that. But... turns out your sister isn't a malingerer, after all. You can't fake a syrinx.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize I have made myself sound like an awful person. Perhaps I do hold some resentment towards her drama queen behavior that is making it hard for me to be sympathetic. Our relationship has always been one-sided with me constantly trying to talk her down, reassure and help her navigate life. I do need to push those feelings aside and be more supportive. Leave it do DCUM to hold people accountable.

-OP

Don't be a martyr. Unless there are no other siblings or parents or family in your sister's life, she will be much better off without your 'support'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I realize I have made myself sound like an awful person. Perhaps I do hold some resentment towards her drama queen behavior that is making it hard for me to be sympathetic. Our relationship has always been one-sided with me constantly trying to talk her down, reassure and help her navigate life. I do need to push those feelings aside and be more supportive. Leave it do DCUM to hold people accountable.

-OP

Don't be a martyr. Unless there are no other siblings or parents or family in your sister's life, she will be much better off without your 'support'.

+1

I feel so sorry for OPs poor sister. My God, can you imagine how awful OPs "support" is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, you're an asshole. I read your second sentence and immediately thought, "Pinched nerve? Something pressing on spine?"

She wants attention because nobody has cared about her, you idiot. You're the worst sister ever. She SHOULD be getting lots of attention and fussed over - she has something wrong with her spine and needs surgery. She's scared as hell and in tons of pain.

This.

I felt ill for years and most of my family just shrugged or laughed it off. Turned out I had an autoimmune disease. My conclusion: screw them. I'm perplexed your sister has not come to this conclusion also.

If the problem is tricky OP, it may take doctors years or decades to find it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just carry on from here. You say "I'm glad you're finally getting some answers to your medical concerns. So what's the next step this doctor is advising?"

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two things can be true: your sister had unremitting mysterious pain AND your sister has dramatic / high maintenance tendencies. Did you sister have these tendencies earlier/in other aspects of life or only with regard to this problem?

I agree with PP that you should try to be supportive w/o feeding the drama, starting with "I am so happy for you that you found an explanation. How can I help you get through the surgery?"

I agree with this. Just because the pain is real doesn't mean that everything else stops for everyone else. I say this as someone who lives in constant pain because of a car accident when I was a child. I have no right to disrupt others' lives with my complaints just because I hurt. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like OP's sister got that message. I see both sides of this and I don't think that OP is out of line in her wanting the sister to get a better handle on her emotions and to reel back the drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two things can be true: your sister had unremitting mysterious pain AND your sister has dramatic / high maintenance tendencies. Did you sister have these tendencies earlier/in other aspects of life or only with regard to this problem?

I agree with PP that you should try to be supportive w/o feeding the drama, starting with "I am so happy for you that you found an explanation. How can I help you get through the surgery?"

I agree with this. Just because the pain is real doesn't mean that everything else stops for everyone else. I say this as someone who lives in constant pain because of a car accident when I was a child. I have no right to disrupt others' lives with my complaints just because I hurt. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like OP's sister got that message. I see both sides of this and I don't think that OP is out of line in her wanting the sister to get a better handle on her emotions and to reel back the drama.

You don’t understand because people believed you since you had a car accident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize I have made myself sound like an awful person. Perhaps I do hold some resentment towards her drama queen behavior that is making it hard for me to be sympathetic. Our relationship has always been one-sided with me constantly trying to talk her down, reassure and help her navigate life. I do need to push those feelings aside and be more supportive. Leave it do DCUM to hold people accountable.

-OP

I would step away from the relationship and let others support her. It’s clear you don’t want to and can’t authentically do so, and will likely do more harm than good. She may well have habits that frustrate you that are independent of what she’s facing medically, but the way you describe her makes it sound like you still don’t believe there’s something really wrong. That’s disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, you're an asshole. I read your second sentence and immediately thought, "Pinched nerve? Something pressing on spine?"

She wants attention because nobody has cared about her, you idiot. You're the worst sister ever. She SHOULD be getting lots of attention and fussed over - she has something wrong with her spine and needs surgery. She's scared as hell and in tons of pain.

+1

As someone who visited many doctors to get a correct diagnosis, I sympathize with your sister.

I learned early that no one cared so I learned not to talk about it.