Sister and her constant health “issues”

[Anonymous]

OMG OP. Step back and out. I was diagnosed with a BRAIN TUMOR and my family denied it. All those treatments. Months of rehab. Said goodbye to those family members forever. Your sister doesn’t need you in her life. Seriously. Life is better without them.

[Anonymous]

I have an incredibly high pain tolerance. I did an unmedicated birth that included over 10 hours at 8 cm - there were many times that I wanted to die during that experience.

I’ve also had a debilitating nerve injury. The pain was worse than my childbirth experience. There were times it was constant and all consuming. It’s not like your arm falling asleep or something. Your affected limb looses the ability to sense properly and the result is all kinds of mismatched sensations, like feeling like you are standing on pointed rocks while laying down, that your limb is in an ice water bath when it feels hot to the touch, and the excruciating, stabbing pain of sciatica. It’s challenging to stay mentally healthy in that situation, and unreasonable to expect someone going through that kind of trauma to do so.

I hope that helps you understand what she may be dealing with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an incredibly high pain tolerance. I did an unmedicated birth that included over 10 hours at 8 cm - there were many times that I wanted to die during that experience.

I’ve also had a debilitating nerve injury. The pain was worse than my childbirth experience. There were times it was constant and all consuming. It’s not like your arm falling asleep or something. Your affected limb looses the ability to sense properly and the result is all kinds of mismatched sensations, like feeling like you are standing on pointed rocks while laying down, that your limb is in an ice water bath when it feels hot to the touch, and the excruciating, stabbing pain of sciatica. It’s challenging to stay mentally healthy in that situation, and unreasonable to expect someone going through that kind of trauma to do so.

I hope that helps you understand what she may be dealing with.

I am so sorry. That sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

I have had nerve pain due to the collapsed space between vertebrae. It worsened in the last two years, and more I exercised thinking that will strengthen the muscles worse it got. It felt like my neck will break, my head was too heavy. And that is without spinal fluid entering the canal. Apologize to your sister, op.
I too was told by my adult kids that I am dramatic and need to stop and it is in my head. I did our whole lawn this summer while being diagnosed with this.
Heck, I was told yesterday, as I had the final radio ablation procedure that I should not do procedures or take meds, but exercise!
Which made it worse.
My Dr and I agreed that now that the pain is dulled I should work out to improve muscle resistance in the area that was weakened.
None of these steroid shots or ablation was a huge deal, but it also was not without pain. I would have 6-7 injections on each side of my neck for the last 2 months. I am not a whiner at all. In fact, my mom doesn't even know I had this done.
Please apologize to your sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and she’s is 30. I love my sister, shes extremely intelligent, funny and generous. However, she can also be her manipulative. I think I am frustrated because it has been over a year since she went to the ER and I felt she was finally at a better place with all this medical drama. I do recognize that if she ends up having spinal surgery this is very serious. I am worried about her. This is going to sound terrible, but I feel like this is one those situations where she went from specialist to specialist until someone agreed something was wrong with her. We all have minor medical issues that if we had dozens of scans, and test run, they would find something too.

-OP

Of course, she did! Guess what I did when I was sick? I went from Dr to Dr, nobody found anything until I insisted on getting tested for Lyme. Found 5 strains and it was like, oh no big deal, you just slept for a year bcs you had Lyme. Why are you such a jerk op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG OP. Step back and out. I was diagnosed with a BRAIN TUMOR and my family denied it. All those treatments. Months of rehab. Said goodbye to those family members forever. Your sister doesn’t need you in her life. Seriously. Life is better without them.

What do you mean they denied it? They thought you lied that the Dr found a brain tumor? Why? They sound nuts.

[Anonymous]

OP its almost unforgivably terrible that you kept lecturing her. Yes, listening to someone's health issues can be tedious, but you absolutely did not need to lecture her. The saddest and most concerning part about this post is your sentences at the end saying "she will turn this into another attention grab". I hope you don't have health issues someday, and get treated the way you're treating your sister. Just awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Two things can be true: your sister had unremitting mysterious pain AND your sister has dramatic / high maintenance tendencies. Did you sister have these tendencies earlier/in other aspects of life or only with regard to this problem?

I agree with PP that you should try to be supportive w/o feeding the drama, starting with "I am so happy for you that you found an explanation. How can I help you get through the surgery?"

I agree with this. Just because the pain is real doesn't mean that everything else stops for everyone else. I say this as someone who lives in constant pain because of a car accident when I was a child. I have no right to disrupt others' lives with my complaints just because I hurt. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like OP's sister got that message. I see both sides of this and I don't think that OP is out of line in her wanting the sister to get a better handle on her emotions and to reel back the drama.

You don’t understand because people believed you since you had a car accident.

Not really. People who know me today know nothing about the accident because I haven't told them. I also don't tell them about the pain. My point is that some people wear their emotions on their skin and they feel that everyone has to know what they're feeling come hell or high water. And that isn't so. OP's sister has done as much damage to herself emotionally and her relationships with others by her actions as probably the health problem has done to her body.

You have no way of knowing this. People can't help having the personality they have anyway. But what you CAN tell from this thread is that OP has no empathy or sympathy whatsoever, so instead of criticizing a woman you don't know, why don't you condemn OP, who has shown you who she is?

Uh, people most certainly CAN control their personality. One person didn't just suddenly wake up one morning and have a sunny personality while another is the complainer. These are patterns of behavior that have developed over years of acts. OP's sister has chosen to act the way she has and that has greatly contributed to the poor way people perceive her. She needs to own it and if she wants to change it then she needs to take the steps to do it. She isn't a feather in the wind and she needs to stop believing/acting like she is. She now has a diagnosis. She needs to own it and take charge to act on it to resolve her physical health issue.

And I'm not going to condemn OP because I understand her position. She has reacted the way most people probably have around OP's sister.

No. You tell yourself that most people would react this way because you want to excuse your own awful behavior, but you are wrong. You excuse OP because you are like OP. Both of you are awful.

We had a family member with a history like this. We never questioned or invalidated the family member the way you and OP defend. Years later, it turns out that my family member has a condition so rare that academics write papers about her. I am so glad we didn't gaslight and emotionally abuse our family member! Both of you are terrible people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My much younger sister has had a host of health problems that have led to many ER visits, doctor appointments, and tests that never amount to anything. She gets migraines, complains of constant neck plan, numbness in her arms, and poor circulation. She’s extremely dramatic so over the years I stopped paying much attention to the “I’m at the ER” and “this is what major medical problems I may have now” texts and phone calls. I’ve talked to her about her need to overreact to everything and how not everything is an emergency. Well she has started having some facial paralysis and a neurologist ordered and MRI of her neck/spine and apparently she has a syrinx in her spinal cord that has caused significant damage and will be meeting with a neurosurgeon to discuss surgical options. Apparently all of her symptoms are from this syrinx in her spinal cord. I feel awful that I lectured her so much, and dismissed so many of her concerns. I am really concerned about her but at the same time I know she’s going to turn this into an attention grab. How can I let her know I am worried about he without feeding into her attention seeking behavior.

You should feel awful and maybe she will turn it into an "attention grab" b/c she's been walking around knowing that something awful is in her body that the medical establishement and others (including you!) dismissed. Maybe you need to seek counselling on how to be supportive, get over your own biases and ableism, and basically, how to be a better human

[Anonymous]

WHen I first saw this thread, I was scared about what I might see. You all have reinforcedmy faith in humanity for the day. Long time endometriosis sufferer here and family always thought I was drama queen before and after diagnosis , b/c you know, why wasn't I better yet? I am glad to see so many empathetic to women's pain being blown off, especially by other women

[Anonymous]

OP is going to be the type of person that when she becomes a parent she will expect the whole world to cry with her for missing two hours of sleep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG OP. Step back and out. I was diagnosed with a BRAIN TUMOR and my family denied it. All those treatments. Months of rehab. Said goodbye to those family members forever. Your sister doesn’t need you in her life. Seriously. Life is better without them.

What do you mean they denied it? They thought you lied that the Dr found a brain tumor? Why? They sound nuts.

PP here: Yes that is exactly what I mean. I showed them the MRI and everything. They just ... denied it. They are both crazy and abusive. Sort of like OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, you just don’t get it. You are the brat and whiner. You sister probably suffers in silence much much more than you will ever know. Most people in chronic pain do. Please try empathy.

[Anonymous]

I can certainly see how OP could be in the wrong here.

I can also totally see how OP might have a nightmare of a sister, who also happens to have legitimate health concerns. Doesn't mean she won't still be nightmare even if the surgery is successful.

I don't like the piling on when we don't have enough info to actually judge things.

[Anonymous]

Well OP even after you realized that your sister did have all that pain on top of you ridiculing her, you still call her problems “ issues”. Let’s see who is trying to grab attention here!!