Culture difference with American husband

[Anonymous]

I met and married my white American DH when we were fresh out of graduate school. I am a first generation immigrant and I have the thirst and drive to live a certain "UMC" lifestyle. I grew up pretty well off back in my home country and as an immigrant we want to improve and better our life. The thing I did not understand was that my American DH, although he grew up LMC and MC, does not have any desire to culturally and financially become or associate with the UMC.

He is a Trumper and his feelings have hardened significantly. His parents worked hard to send him to the best private schools and colleges but he shunned his wealthy peers and would choose to associate with the kids who were also from his background. He got into Harvard for graduate school but turned it down because it was "too liberal and full of snobs."

He provides resistance on everything. He will not shop at WF and not give up eating hot dogs because he isn't "going to eat grass."

He doesn't want his kids to go to a "rich kid school" because he wants to be able to relate to them.

He doesn't want to live in certain neighborhoods because "stupid yuppie liberals."

He has cut out friends of ours he deemed were too "yuppie liberals" for us.

I am going crazy as I LIKE that stuff. I grew up with most of it and have an ease and comfort with these people.

I feel like I am losing a huge part of who I am and who I want to be.

[Anonymous]

Get a divorce ASAP. Don’t have kids.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my parents. She immigrated to the United States when she met and married my American father overseas. She had and has always had a drive for strong education, career, and a good lifestyle (and has always voted Democrat). My father grew up lower/ working class in a Midwestern industrial town and has always been comfortable and takes comfort in that lifestyle (also a Huge trump supporter).

They divorced when I was around eight but they we’re always incompatible. You will probably wind up divorced but probably be happier. If it weren’t for my mom we would have grown up in a trailer park.

[Anonymous]

Ok, Troll. So divorce... or not. You seem to be insufferable and mentally ill too.

Or could you be a Karen pretending to be an immigrant? Trump's resounding defeat is triggering a lot of people along with him.

- Another UMC non-White immigrant woman who was well off in her home country and is well-off here.

[Anonymous]

You are not compatible. Get a divorce. Do not get pregnant. An accidental pregnancy will keep you trapped and waste years. Get out now. This marriage is a recipe for lifelong unhappiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, Troll. So divorce... or not. You seem to be insufferable and mentally ill too.

Or could you be a Karen pretending to be an immigrant? Trump's resounding defeat is triggering a lot of people along with him.

- Another UMC non-White immigrant woman who was well off in her home country and is well-off here.

I’m PP who shared about my own parents and as much as she sounds like a troll, this sounds exactly like my mother and father down to the hot dogs.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, what is with all these trolls lately??? If you are going to troll you need to be more subtle and creative.

[Anonymous]

Sorry op. You need a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Can you explain how the two of you ended up married to each other? You’re a very unlikely pair. You’re only going to grow unhappier together.

[Anonymous]

He is a loser and a bad person. Nothing redeemable about someone who thinks the way he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, what is with all these trolls lately??? If you are going to troll you need to be more subtle and creative.

This is probably hard for you to believe but there’s the subset of American men that marry foreign wives and and expect them to assimilate to their crappy ass low life lifestyle. They think they’re saving these women from their poor, impoverished countries abroad when they themselves are just ignorant and assume any country outside the USA is a slum. Especially military men - they really oversell themselves and the lifestyle they’ll provide to these naive women to get the marriage in the first place. It’s really not that uncommon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, what is with all these trolls lately??? If you are going to troll you need to be more subtle and creative.

+1. Every day there’s a post about someone married to a Trumper. It’s pretty transparent trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain how the two of you ended up married to each other? You’re a very unlikely pair. You’re only going to grow unhappier together.

OP here. When we met we were in a similar friend group and I had no idea how I missed that he and I did not share the same cultural values. Part of it may have been my new immigrant naivete. I am also socially somewhat conservative so I remember liking that we can relate on that. After we got serious I realized his parents were hard working MC/LMC who used whatever they had to give their kids a push into a better life. His sister is doing so much better. She has a great job at a fortune 500 and is engaged to a rich guy from an UC background. She is very eager to ascent her MC/LMC roots and has assimilated perfectly into the UMC/UC.

My husband, perhaps in resistance, has veered further and further away from his educated and wealthy peers. He only hangs out with others who do not possess college degrees. He quit his well to do job to work for himself. He mocks me and makes fun of me for reading a newspaper and eating healthfully. He only gets his news from alt right twitter.I am terrified what impact he would have on our kids.

I feel so stupid as I did not pick up on these nuances when we were dating due to my lack of cultural knowledge.

[Anonymous]

Did you marry him so you wouldn't have to leave the US when your student visa expired?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain how the two of you ended up married to each other? You’re a very unlikely pair. You’re only going to grow unhappier together.

OP here. When we met we were in a similar friend group and I had no idea how I missed that he and I did not share the same cultural values. Part of it may have been my new immigrant naivete. I am also socially somewhat conservative so I remember liking that we can relate on that. After we got serious I realized his parents were hard working MC/LMC who used whatever they had to give their kids a push into a better life. His sister is doing so much better. She has a great job at a fortune 500 and is engaged to a rich guy from an UC background. She is very eager to ascent her MC/LMC roots and has assimilated perfectly into the UMC/UC.

My husband, perhaps in resistance, has veered further and further away from his educated and wealthy peers. He only hangs out with others who do not possess college degrees. He quit his well to do job to work for himself. He mocks me and makes fun of me for reading a newspaper and eating healthfully. He only gets his news from alt right twitter.I am terrified what impact he would have on our kids.

I feel so stupid as I did not pick up on these nuances when we were dating due to my lack of cultural knowledge.

PP. You need to divorce. Do not have kids. It will not get better.