Culture difference with American husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain how the two of you ended up married to each other? You’re a very unlikely pair. You’re only going to grow unhappier together.

OP here. When we met we were in a similar friend group and I had no idea how I missed that he and I did not share the same cultural values. Part of it may have been my new immigrant naivete. I am also socially somewhat conservative so I remember liking that we can relate on that. After we got serious I realized his parents were hard working MC/LMC who used whatever they had to give their kids a push into a better life. His sister is doing so much better. She has a great job at a fortune 500 and is engaged to a rich guy from an UC background. She is very eager to ascent her MC/LMC roots and has assimilated perfectly into the UMC/UC.

My husband, perhaps in resistance, has veered further and further away from his educated and wealthy peers. He only hangs out with others who do not possess college degrees. He quit his well to do job to work for himself. He mocks me and makes fun of me for reading a newspaper and eating healthfully. He only gets his news from alt right twitter.I am terrified what impact he would have on our kids.

I feel so stupid as I did not pick up on these nuances when we were dating due to my lack of cultural knowledge.

PP. You need to divorce. Do not have kids. It will not get better.

OP here. I have put on hold my dream of having a family because I am terrified of what he will do. He will think anything I am doing to "better" their lives is me being "snobby." He keeps saying he just wants a life like his parents not understanding that even his parents DON'T want him to have a life like theirs.

So far he says his kids will only play football like "true americans"
They will learn to play jazz and not be part of an orchestra
They will not go to some "rich kid school full of toffs"

[Anonymous]

OMG, the horror! He does not want to shop at Whole Foods?!?! He eats hot dogs????!!!

Troll score, 2.3

[Anonymous]

I grew up in the Midwest and know plenty of guys who are along the lines of some of what you describe - but not a single one of them would want their kids to learn jazz instead of orchestra. They don't even know what jazz is, or if they do they associate it with latte liberals. Nor would they use the word "toffs."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in the Midwest and know plenty of guys who are along the lines of some of what you describe - but not a single one of them would want their kids to learn jazz instead of orchestra. They don't even know what jazz is, or if they do they associate it with latte liberals. Nor would they use the word "toffs."

PP here with divorced Midwestern working class dad. He loves jazz and that’s all he used to play in his truck. I find it extremely triggering now as an adult. I’m just shocked that apparently there are others out there just like him.

[Anonymous]

This is what happens when you come to the US and want to experiment feeling local by marrying a local. That’s a big mistake. Find a fellow from your original country and I bet you’ll have lots in common.

[Anonymous]

You need a divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain how the two of you ended up married to each other? You’re a very unlikely pair. You’re only going to grow unhappier together.

OP here. When we met we were in a similar friend group and I had no idea how I missed that he and I did not share the same cultural values. Part of it may have been my new immigrant naivete. I am also socially somewhat conservative so I remember liking that we can relate on that. After we got serious I realized his parents were hard working MC/LMC who used whatever they had to give their kids a push into a better life. His sister is doing so much better. She has a great job at a fortune 500 and is engaged to a rich guy from an UC background. She is very eager to ascent her MC/LMC roots and has assimilated perfectly into the UMC/UC.

My husband, perhaps in resistance, has veered further and further away from his educated and wealthy peers. He only hangs out with others who do not possess college degrees. He quit his well to do job to work for himself. He mocks me and makes fun of me for reading a newspaper and eating healthfully. He only gets his news from alt right twitter.I am terrified what impact he would have on our kids.

I feel so stupid as I did not pick up on these nuances when we were dating due to my lack of cultural knowledge.

It’s pretty clear he didn’t quit his job. His sister really married into the UC, I mean a corporate job at a Fortune 500 is not a guaranteed ticket, and he didn’t have that option.

His pride hurts and it’s much easier to claim you choose to stay in your station than you fell on your way up.

Passed up Harvard grad school? For what? Skeptical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in the Midwest and know plenty of guys who are along the lines of some of what you describe - but not a single one of them would want their kids to learn jazz instead of orchestra. They don't even know what jazz is, or if they do they associate it with latte liberals. Nor would they use the word "toffs."

PP here with divorced Midwestern working class dad. He loves jazz and that’s all he used to play in his truck. I find it extremely triggering now as an adult. I’m just shocked that apparently there are others out there just like him.

OP here. DH's father dropped out of college and loves jazz. DH associates orchestra with europeans and snobs. I took him to the symphony a few times and he hated it.

On paper he has fancy degrees but I am flummoxed by his attitude.

[Anonymous]

Mine is kind of the same but he makes around 750k which is the weird thing. He doesn't want to live with rich yuppies or send our kids to private school with rich yuppies like we are not rich yuppies ourselves.

He didn't vote for Trump (thank god) but he couldn't bring himself to vote for Biden either. He was all in for McCain and Romney but now votes Libertarian.

However, he did concede on hiring tutors and he is more than willing to pay for private instructors when it comes to their sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain how the two of you ended up married to each other? You’re a very unlikely pair. You’re only going to grow unhappier together.

OP here. When we met we were in a similar friend group and I had no idea how I missed that he and I did not share the same cultural values. Part of it may have been my new immigrant naivete. I am also socially somewhat conservative so I remember liking that we can relate on that. After we got serious I realized his parents were hard working MC/LMC who used whatever they had to give their kids a push into a better life. His sister is doing so much better. She has a great job at a fortune 500 and is engaged to a rich guy from an UC background. She is very eager to ascent her MC/LMC roots and has assimilated perfectly into the UMC/UC.

My husband, perhaps in resistance, has veered further and further away from his educated and wealthy peers. He only hangs out with others who do not possess college degrees. He quit his well to do job to work for himself. He mocks me and makes fun of me for reading a newspaper and eating healthfully. He only gets his news from alt right twitter.I am terrified what impact he would have on our kids.

I feel so stupid as I did not pick up on these nuances when we were dating due to my lack of cultural knowledge.

It’s pretty clear he didn’t quit his job. His sister really married into the UC, I mean a corporate job at a Fortune 500 is not a guaranteed ticket, and he didn’t have that option.

His pride hurts and it’s much easier to claim you choose to stay in your station than you fell on your way up.

Passed up Harvard grad school? For what? Skeptical.

And I am flummoxed by your inability to understand but not all people like the same thing regardless of umc, lmc, mc status. Your shallowness nothing to do with your immigrant naïveté. You are just very weird and fixated on class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine is kind of the same but he makes around 750k which is the weird thing. He doesn't want to live with rich yuppies or send our kids to private school with rich yuppies like we are not rich yuppies ourselves.

He didn't vote for Trump (thank god) but he couldn't bring himself to vote for Biden either. He was all in for McCain and Romney but now votes Libertarian.

However, he did concede on hiring tutors and he is more than willing to pay for private instructors when it comes to their sports.

^ Me again. I wanted to add, that he has this HUGE hang up about the supposed hypocrisy of liberal elites. He believes they are all very much "do as I say, not as a I do." Whereas the Republicans are upfront abut their selfishness and greed and there is something he respects about that.

I think that might have something to do with your DH's political attitude.

[Anonymous]

The OP is a troll. She would never have married him in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds like a mouth-breathing knuckle-dragger, but you sound like a materialistic, social climbing striver, OP. Both are equally repellent to most normal people. You should probably divorce and each find partners who match your bad personalities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, what is with all these trolls lately??? If you are going to troll you need to be more subtle and creative.

+1. Every day there’s a post about someone married to a Trumper. It’s pretty transparent trolling.

+1 it is so boring and predictable. If you are going to troll at least pick a subject more interesting.

[Anonymous]

Your American husband would never have used the word “toff.” So is just that part a lie or the whole thing?