Culture difference with American husband

[Anonymous]

re: “I’m used to all the stuff and like it!”

Time to move back to India and hire back your family cook, driver, gardener, maid, dance instructor, and two nannies. Live it up in the caste system for another couple generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe this is real. I have a family with two such examples. You'd be surprised at what lack of fluency in a language and/or awareness of cultural nuances can hide. There is a contingency of white men from rural and lower middle class or poor backgrounds who oversell their version of America to wealthier, more educated immigrant women. Then, after a few years of cultural orientation, said women find themselves married to, frankly, a trumpy redneck. Staying married though...that's the thing I don't get. Run like hell before you have kids. And, now you know.

Apparently certain types of racism and pejoratives are allowed here. Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are an immigrant who married a Trumper?

I know quite a few immigrants who are Trumpers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when you come to the US and want to experiment feeling local by marrying a local. That’s a big mistake. Find a fellow from your original country and I bet you’ll have lots in common.

Don't be so sure. My bread-and-butter are divorced Indian and Pakistani women. Just as many unhappy marriages in that community as anywhere else.

[Anonymous]

A couple of years ago there was a thread here about an Indian woman who was upset with her UMC husband who had begun wearing plaid, playing the banjo, and voting for Trump.

[Anonymous]

He mocks me and makes fun of me for reading a newspaper and eating healthfully. He only gets his news from alt right twitter.I am terrified what impact he would have on our kids.

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I mean, obviously you need a divorce. You don't need us to tell you that.

No matter what, don't get pregnant!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain how the two of you ended up married to each other? You’re a very unlikely pair. You’re only going to grow unhappier together.

OP here. When we met we were in a similar friend group and I had no idea how I missed that he and I did not share the same cultural values. Part of it may have been my new immigrant naivete. I am also socially somewhat conservative so I remember liking that we can relate on that. After we got serious I realized his parents were hard working MC/LMC who used whatever they had to give their kids a push into a better life. His sister is doing so much better. She has a great job at a fortune 500 and is engaged to a rich guy from an UC background. She is very eager to ascent her MC/LMC roots and has assimilated perfectly into the UMC/UC.

My husband, perhaps in resistance, has veered further and further away from his educated and wealthy peers. He only hangs out with others who do not possess college degrees. He quit his well to do job to work for himself. He mocks me and makes fun of me for reading a newspaper and eating healthfully. He only gets his news from alt right twitter.I am terrified what impact he would have on our kids.

I feel so stupid as I did not pick up on these nuances when we were dating due to my lack of cultural knowledge.

PP. You need to divorce. Do not have kids. It will not get better.

OP here. I have put on hold my dream of having a family because I am terrified of what he will do. He will think anything I am doing to "better" their lives is me being "snobby." He keeps saying he just wants a life like his parents not understanding that even his parents DON'T want him to have a life like theirs.

So far he says his kids will only play football like "true americans"
They will learn to play jazz and not be part of an orchestra
They will not go to some "rich kid school full of toffs"

Jazz? I'm sorry, but Jazz is America's true indigenous art form. Miles Davis and John Coltrane are up there in the pantheon with Beethoven and Brahms -- and there are plenty of European music critics who will agree. Maybe you ought to rent the movie "A Night at the Opera" by the Marx Brothers.

As for football -- I have tried and tried to appreciate European "football" (soccer), and I find it insufferably boring. Nothing ever happens for an hour, and when a guy gets touched he puts on a drama show that is so lame it's ridiculous. Keep your "football" -- or were you hoping your kids will be interested in Cricket?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe this is real. I have a family with two such examples. You'd be surprised at what lack of fluency in a language and/or awareness of cultural nuances can hide. There is a contingency of white men from rural and lower middle class or poor backgrounds who oversell their version of America to wealthier, more educated immigrant women. Then, after a few years of cultural orientation, said women find themselves married to, frankly, a trumpy redneck. Staying married though...that's the thing I don't get. Run like hell before you have kids. And, now you know.

Apparently certain types of racism and pejoratives are allowed here. Interesting.

New here? Try posting FBI stats about violent crime by race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain how the two of you ended up married to each other? You’re a very unlikely pair. You’re only going to grow unhappier together.

OP here. When we met we were in a similar friend group and I had no idea how I missed that he and I did not share the same cultural values. Part of it may have been my new immigrant naivete. I am also socially somewhat conservative so I remember liking that we can relate on that. After we got serious I realized his parents were hard working MC/LMC who used whatever they had to give their kids a push into a better life. His sister is doing so much better. She has a great job at a fortune 500 and is engaged to a rich guy from an UC background. She is very eager to ascent her MC/LMC roots and has assimilated perfectly into the UMC/UC.

My husband, perhaps in resistance, has veered further and further away from his educated and wealthy peers. He only hangs out with others who do not possess college degrees. He quit his well to do job to work for himself. He mocks me and makes fun of me for reading a newspaper and eating healthfully. He only gets his news from alt right twitter.I am terrified what impact he would have on our kids.

I feel so stupid as I did not pick up on these nuances when we were dating due to my lack of cultural knowledge.

PP. You need to divorce. Do not have kids. It will not get better.

OP here. I have put on hold my dream of having a family because I am terrified of what he will do. He will think anything I am doing to "better" their lives is me being "snobby." He keeps saying he just wants a life like his parents not understanding that even his parents DON'T want him to have a life like theirs.

So far he says his kids will only play football like "true americans"
They will learn to play jazz and not be part of an orchestra
They will not go to some "rich kid school full of toffs"

Jazz? I'm sorry, but Jazz is America's true indigenous art form. Miles Davis and John Coltrane are up there in the pantheon with Beethoven and Brahms -- and there are plenty of European music critics who will agree. Maybe you ought to rent the movie "A Night at the Opera" by the Marx Brothers.

As for football -- I have tried and tried to appreciate European "football" (soccer), and I find it insufferably boring. Nothing ever happens for an hour, and when a guy gets touched he puts on a drama show that is so lame it's ridiculous. Keep your "football" -- or were you hoping your kids will be interested in Cricket?

Yeah, like so much ever happens in another American favorite, baseball..

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, I just can’t past the part about how this red-blooded Trumper is insisting that his kids play jazz and not be “toffs”.

You’ll need to try much harder with your next troll post, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple of years ago there was a thread here about an Indian woman who was upset with her UMC husband who had begun wearing plaid, playing the banjo, and voting for Trump.

This is exactly what I thought of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are an immigrant who married a Trumper?

I know quite a few immigrants who are Trumpers.

+1, especially if they are from corrupt countries and have an altered frame of reference for what elected leaders should be. Or when they bring an 'uncle tom' attitude even to bad leadership.

OP, I am sorry, but you married white trash. I don't think immigrants don't always pick up on the indicators of hierarchy here in terms of behaviors and values that align with success- and what happens with white americans when they aren't successful because they don't work hard and get a chip on their shoulder against those who worked harder, struggled and persevered.