Ok...let me rephrase this. How do I find the courage to leave my abusive DH?

[Anonymous]

Guess Jeff didn’t like my original post about getting beaten by my husband.

This is my only outlet right now as I am not ready to talk to family about this. I am not a troll. Anyone who has been in an abusive relationship, how did you leave? No matter how many times this happens to me, I always find a way to justify it. When I visualize my life, I don’t ever see me not being with DH.

[Anonymous]

I don't know WTF to say other than next time you could be 6 feet under.

[Anonymous]

Im sorry you are going through this. I got therapy and then I left. probably took about 2 months from the point when I decided enough was enoughl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im sorry you are going through this. I got therapy and then I left. probably took about 2 months from the point when I decided enough was enoughl

OP here. I just so desperately want this to work. I want him to stop. I want to stop my wrongdoings. I want to be happy with him. It sucks so so so badly. Maybe I’m afraid to talk about it with a therapist because it makes it real. Idk. I’m just so hurt and lost.

[Anonymous]

Start with small concrete steps to make it logistically possible.

First steps: secure your key documents or at least copies of them, make sure you have some money in a separate bank account + your own credit card.

Second steps: contact a domestic violence support group/website to find out more.

Depending on your financial situation, ask one of the groups above for a reference for legal advice or pay for a consultation with the best divorce lawyer you can find.

Third steps: Make some concrete decisions about where to go/live in the short run--friends, family, shelter, rental-- of course it all depends on your situation (kids? funds available? family/friends able/willing to house you for a bit?)

As you work through these steps, imo it will become more "real" and you will see a life beyond your abusive DH.

[Anonymous]

Call doorways in Virginia. Hopefully you don’t have kids. Pack what you can, go directly to the bank, take out 1/2 and open a new account at another bank. Have a safe place planned to go. Good luck you can do it!

[Anonymous]

Work on yourself first. You need therapy. Then figure out how to leave your DH safely and how you will support yourself financially.

[Anonymous]

Start here:

https://www.thehotline.org/

You can call their number:1 800 799 7233

or do a live chat.

[Anonymous]

Do you have children?

[Anonymous]

As a survivor, let me be clear.

When you leave you have to leave. All the way. No occasional texting. No “I hope you’re doing ok-ing” No “God Bless You-ing” Nothing.

Before I finally left for good there were MULTIPLE times my abuser manipulated his way back in. Abusers can be master manipulators , saying what they know you want to hear, mirroring your desired behaviors. In your head you’ll see them as being remorseful. Sometimes the parents (his) will also try to convince you he’s being remorseful. For him, he is patiently awaiting the next time he will beat you.

Be clear.

This is super hard. But if you want to stay alive, you must stop telling yourself lies first. Lies like, “He will change.”

He can’t change his pathology. H

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im sorry you are going through this. I got therapy and then I left. probably took about 2 months from the point when I decided enough was enoughl

OP here. I just so desperately want this to work. I want him to stop. I want to stop my wrongdoings. I want to be happy with him. It sucks so so so badly. Maybe I’m afraid to talk about it with a therapist because it makes it real. Idk. I’m just so hurt and lost.

Sad to read this. If someone is beating you it's not about your "wrongdoings"

[Anonymous]

Find help:
https://www.umms.org/coronavirus/what-to-know/prevention-safety/staying-in/domestic-violence

Delete the history on your web browser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im sorry you are going through this. I got therapy and then I left. probably took about 2 months from the point when I decided enough was enoughl

OP here. I just so desperately want this to work. I want him to stop. I want to stop my wrongdoings. I want to be happy with him. It sucks so so so badly. Maybe I’m afraid to talk about it with a therapist because it makes it real. Idk. I’m just so hurt and lost.

Sad to read this. If someone is beating you it's not about your "wrongdoings"

And that's why you need a therapist. But coming from experience, it means nothing unless you are ready to leave. The best thing to do is to just look for a therapist. Online therapy is available these days and I think that makes it SO. much easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im sorry you are going through this. I got therapy and then I left. probably took about 2 months from the point when I decided enough was enoughl

OP here. I just so desperately want this to work. I want him to stop. I want to stop my wrongdoings. I want to be happy with him. It sucks so so so badly. Maybe I’m afraid to talk about it with a therapist because it makes it real. Idk. I’m just so hurt and lost.

Sad to read this. If someone is beating you it's not about your "wrongdoings"

And that's why you need a therapist. But coming from experience, it means nothing unless you are ready to leave. The best thing to do is to just look for a therapist. Online therapy is available these days and I think that makes it SO. much easier.

OP here. I think therapy is my first step. I suppose I need to remind myself to take it one step at a time. I have a thousand thoughts, opinions, and fantasies swirling in my mind, which makes it hard to make a logical decision. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

You deserve to not be hit.

You deserve to feel safe.

Not because you're selfish or spoiled.. everyone deserves those things.