Girlfriend’s mother obsessed with my lack of height

[Anonymous]

I’m a mid 20’s guy dating a woman of similar age for the past year. I’m pretty short for a man (5’3-5’6 range) and my girlfriend tells me her mother likes everything about me besides the fact I am short. Besides my height, her mother says I am considered marriage material (probably based on my career). Gf also said she probably would have gone for a different guy if I hadn’t tried hard in the beginning because my height was a negative for her as well. Is this a red flag?

[Anonymous]

That's quite a range OP, ha.

[Anonymous]

Red flag for what? You're mid 20's so still young, eventually we all make compromises. If height is your compromise and everything else is great, consider yourself lucky. The main thing is your relationship with your girlfriend, not her mom, and not other people making you feel bad. If you and she are on the same page, who cares? That being said, this is one of many hangups and I get the potential future MIL having something like that and transferring it onto her own kids. My own mother is a total height whore! "What's his name? Where is he from? What does he do? How tall is he?' were the basics. As long as your girlfriend is like, "he is 5'4 and he is AWESOME!" that should shut it down unless the mother is a total nutjob and it ends at that. She'll get over it. But the GF needs to be in that space.

[Anonymous]

Are you 5’3” or 5’6”?

Realistically, this will be a negative for every woman you meet. In what context did your girlfriend bring this up? It’s not like it would even be possible to hide it.

[Anonymous]

How tall are you compared to your girlfriend? Is she taller than you? How do you look together as a couple? My DD is 5’1” and her boyfriend is 6’4” and quite handsome. They look a bit funky together but he adores her and that is much more important to me.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard to tell from your post if your GF is bothered by your height, or if YOU are bothered by your GF suggesting your height is a negative.

My DH has short. So am I. We are comfortable acknowledging that we are short, and that many would view it as a negative, esp for him. But we joke about how miserable tall people must be because everything (cars, airplane seats, etc) is so small for them!

You and she have to have a sense of humor about it, I think.

[Anonymous]

So, you are 5'3". That is very short. I would not be happy if dd dated a guy that short. It's the truth. I am a short woman from a tall people country and I always felt insecure about it.
Plus, it is unatractive that you are lying about your height, certain sign that you too, like me, are insecure about it.
Why are you lying about it?

[Anonymous]

I’m 5’7” and my college boyfriend was about 5’4”. He had great parents, and was amazingly self-confident and an all-around good, smart and interesting person.

Your gf shouldn’t be saying these sorts of things to you. It’s flat out rude and unkind. It could be she’s just immature, or it could be a sign of poor character. You’ll have to figure out which, and decide if there’s really a future there with here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a mid 20’s guy dating a woman of similar age for the past year. I’m pretty short for a man (5’3-5’6 range) and my girlfriend tells me her mother likes everything about me besides the fact I am short. Besides my height, her mother says I am considered marriage material (probably based on my career). Gf also said she probably would have gone for a different guy if I hadn’t tried hard in the beginning because my height was a negative for her as well. [b]Is this a red flag?

It's a red flag that gf would tell you something hurtful which should have no bearing on your relationship. It's almost as if she is trying to undermine your confidence.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely a red flag. She should have told her mother to drop it and then never relayed it to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gf also said she probably would have gone for a different guy if I hadn’t tried hard in the beginning because my height was a negative for her as well

"That's funny, I felt I was settling because of your small tits/flat butt/stomach/nose/insert insecurity here. I guess we're really well suited!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gf also said she probably would have gone for a different guy if I hadn’t tried hard in the beginning because my height was a negative for her as well

"That's funny, I felt I was settling because of your small tits/flat butt/stomach/nose/insert insecurity here. I guess we're really well suited!"

The difference is: all those things can be changed and don't automatically get passed on to your own offspring. Unfortunately, short stature, especially for men, is seen as a negative. I married a man just below average height and my DS, who fortunately, grew eventually to almost 5' 11" worried his entire childhoold that he would wind up short and asking us why to short people would get married knowing their children would also be short. With that being said, GF is a jerk for sharing that. I would move along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gf also said she probably would have gone for a different guy if I hadn’t tried hard in the beginning because my height was a negative for her as well

"That's funny, I felt I was settling because of your small tits/flat butt/stomach/nose/insert insecurity here. I guess we're really well suited!"

The difference is: all those things can be changed and don't automatically get passed on to your own offspring. Unfortunately, short stature, especially for men, is seen as a negative. I married a man just below average height and my DS, who fortunately, grew eventually to almost 5' 11" worried his entire childhoold that he would wind up short and asking us why to short people would get married knowing their children would also be short. With that being said, GF is a jerk for sharing that. I would move along.

You don’t see this as possibly a reflection of some poor parenting on your part? That he would so greatly devalue the humanity of someone because they were short?

[Anonymous]

Your gf's mom is thinking about having short grandkids.

This, at least, was my mom's take on every guy...what traits would get passed on? It was weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How tall are you compared to your girlfriend? Is she taller than you? How do you look together as a couple? My DD is 5’1” and her boyfriend is 6’4” and quite handsome. They look a bit funky together but he adores her and that is much more important to me.

NP. I have the same height disparity with my husband, and have literally never thought about “how we look together as a couple”. Who gives a shit? You’re not performing “coupledom” for the viewing pleasure of others.