No Kids at Wedding - Why So Much Anger?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that people who do not have young children are really underestimate the headache and complication of trying to find someone to watch your children when you're traveling out of town.

We went to a wedding when my daughter was 8 months old in cabada. The bride and groom gave us recommendations for out of town babysitting. The babysitter that the service sent us was 3 ants short of a picnic and left plastic bags in our daughter's crib. I have never hired a babysitter from a service again

Nope, they don’t have a clue, but it’s not on them. We either figure out a childcare arrangement that makes us comfortable, one of us goes alone, or we skip. That’s life with young kids.

Why wouldn't they have a clue? Are you going to forget in 10 years? Do you think everyone else somehow skipped this stage? It's a stage, and then it's over at some point. You too will be past it some day.

Dp I’m assuming pp means to insinuate that people having child free weddings are young and don’t have kids if their own. So they don’t “have a clue” what parents of young children do to prepare.

I wouldn't really expect them to. They also aren't elderly or infirm and don't always pick a venue that is best for them either. You can't please everyone all the time.

[Anonymous]

Wow, 62 pages on this topic! Clearly, people have strong feelings. I'm going to tack on my perspective as a wedding professional.

People who don't allow children at weddings are doing the right thing in terms of hosting a large event. A child or two, especially those over 12 or under 3, will not cause any problem. However, the very worst weddings I've been to have been those with 5-6 elementary age-d children running loose like a pack of wild animals. I don't know why weddings lead to this - for some reason, parents don't feel the need to supervise closely at a wedding venue, and think it must be fine if they with "the other kids."

It's not fine. They are incredibly destructive - this is an elegant event where breakable property and artistic creations of a large number of vendors is out on display. Children damage, dirty, and break things all the time. I've been at weddings where a pack of children did so much damage that vendors returned and just cried over what had been done to their decor items.

Please, limit kids at weddings. It isn't the appropriate setting for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But yeah, I wanted it to be a grown-up affair (e.g., open bar, live band). I didn't understand the kid thing.

At Italian weddings they always have these things plus lots of kids.

+1 Indian weddings too

Ha. My cousins huge Indian wedding did not allow my kids to attend. We don’t really talk much anymore anyways.

Arre! So sorry. Must be a POS cousin. Every family (even Indian) have couple of a-holes.

Not inviting your brats =/= aholes

Actually, it is. But whatever. There is not only one flavor of wedding. Get me to an Italian or Middle Eastern wedding too and I will enjoy myself. Who wants a cash bar and cold chicken boring wedding that lasts only two hours?

Do you care at all about the marrying couple or is it just about what’s in it for you?

TBH - As a guest, it is about ample and delicious food, top shelf liquor and open bar for drinks, amazing music and dancing, convenient, luxurious and easily accessible location and free parking.
The best wedding from a guest perspective is only these things.

The bride and groom should have a tiny and elegant wedding if they want to make it about them and if they are broke.

[Anonymous]

Weddings are ludicrously expensive nowadays. I'm not sure why a wedding guest should dictate the wedding budget just because they feel entitled that their kids should be allowed to attend. Once you say yes to a kid, its yes to all kids. It can add up to be quite a bit to the point where you might need to change venues. No one is obligated to change their wedding for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But yeah, I wanted it to be a grown-up affair (e.g., open bar, live band). I didn't understand the kid thing.

At Italian weddings they always have these things plus lots of kids.

+1 Indian weddings too

Ha. My cousins huge Indian wedding did not allow my kids to attend. We don’t really talk much anymore anyways.

Arre! So sorry. Must be a POS cousin. Every family (even Indian) have couple of a-holes.

Not inviting your brats =/= aholes

Actually, it is. But whatever. There is not only one flavor of wedding. Get me to an Italian or Middle Eastern wedding too and I will enjoy myself. Who wants a cash bar and cold chicken boring wedding that lasts only two hours?

Do you care at all about the marrying couple or is it just about what’s in it for you?

TBH - As a guest, it is about ample and delicious food, top shelf liquor and open bar for drinks, amazing music and dancing, convenient, luxurious and easily accessible location and free parking.
The best wedding from a guest perspective is only these things.

The bride and groom should have a tiny and elegant wedding if they want to make it about them and if they are broke.

Yeah sure, nothing but the best for distant cousins your parents force you to invite and don't want to be there anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But yeah, I wanted it to be a grown-up affair (e.g., open bar, live band). I didn't understand the kid thing.

At Italian weddings they always have these things plus lots of kids.

+1 Indian weddings too

Ha. My cousins huge Indian wedding did not allow my kids to attend. We don’t really talk much anymore anyways.

Arre! So sorry. Must be a POS cousin. Every family (even Indian) have couple of a-holes.

Not inviting your brats =/= aholes

Actually, it is. But whatever. There is not only one flavor of wedding. Get me to an Italian or Middle Eastern wedding too and I will enjoy myself. Who wants a cash bar and cold chicken boring wedding that lasts only two hours?

Do you care at all about the marrying couple or is it just about what’s in it for you?

TBH - As a guest, it is about ample and delicious food, top shelf liquor and open bar for drinks, amazing music and dancing, convenient, luxurious and easily accessible location and free parking.
The best wedding from a guest perspective is only these things.

The bride and groom should have a tiny and elegant wedding if they want to make it about them and if they are broke.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But yeah, I wanted it to be a grown-up affair (e.g., open bar, live band). I didn't understand the kid thing.

At Italian weddings they always have these things plus lots of kids.

+1 Indian weddings too

Ha. My cousins huge Indian wedding did not allow my kids to attend. We don’t really talk much anymore anyways.

Arre! So sorry. Must be a POS cousin. Every family (even Indian) have couple of a-holes.

Not inviting your brats =/= aholes

Actually, it is. But whatever. There is not only one flavor of wedding. Get me to an Italian or Middle Eastern wedding too and I will enjoy myself. Who wants a cash bar and cold chicken boring wedding that lasts only two hours?

Do you care at all about the marrying couple or is it just about what’s in it for you?

TBH - As a guest, it is about ample and delicious food, top shelf liquor and open bar for drinks, amazing music and dancing, convenient, luxurious and easily accessible location and free parking.
The best wedding from a guest perspective is only these things.

The bride and groom should have a tiny and elegant wedding if they want to make it about them and if they are broke.

That's a big ask. I'll settle for physical comfort - give me a climate-controlled environment, plenty of seating, clean bathrooms, enough food and drink, and a relatively close-by location and easy parking. I can live without the music and dancing and the open bar - after all, I'm not going out clubbing. I'm just looking to sit through this thing in comfort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that people who do not have young children are really underestimate the headache and complication of trying to find someone to watch your children when you're traveling out of town.

We went to a wedding when my daughter was 8 months old in cabada. The bride and groom gave us recommendations for out of town babysitting. The babysitter that the service sent us was 3 ants short of a picnic and left plastic bags in our daughter's crib. I have never hired a babysitter from a service again

Everyone who has kids had kids who were young once. You just can't do all the fun things for awhile when your kids are very young. But, eventually they get older. Nobody said parenting was easy.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weddings are ludicrously expensive nowadays. I'm not sure why a wedding guest should dictate the wedding budget just because they feel entitled that their kids should be allowed to attend. Once you say yes to a kid, its yes to all kids. It can add up to be quite a bit to the point where you might need to change venues. No one is obligated to change their wedding for your child.

This is such a straw man. I invited my nieces and nephews to my wedding, but that didn't mean I had to invite every guest's kids to the wedding. It's a dumb argument.

My sister's kids-- yes
My college roommate's kids-- no

It's really not that hard.

[Anonymous]

It's so hard on all sides. I had a no kids wedding, simply because I have a ton of cousins and they all have multiple children. It would have just been insane and added huge cost for kids I didn't even know. I made exception for babies though, nbd.

That said, my closest friend from college had a no *babies* wedding. Young kids were allowed and would be watched in a separate area by a few nannies. My baby had severe reflux, so needed to nurse very often to keep weight up. The wedding was in a city where I don't know anyone who wouldn't have been at the reception. My friend and her fiancé, knowing all of this, instead of inviting us to have the baby at the wedding suggested we "just look for a local babysitter on care.com" and have them stay at a nearby hotel. We politely opted out of attending. She has not talked to me since because she felt slighted that I wouldn't make this sacrifice for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weddings are ludicrously expensive nowadays. I'm not sure why a wedding guest should dictate the wedding budget just because they feel entitled that their kids should be allowed to attend. Once you say yes to a kid, its yes to all kids. It can add up to be quite a bit to the point where you might need to change venues. No one is obligated to change their wedding for your child.

This is such a straw man. I invited my nieces and nephews to my wedding, but that didn't mean I had to invite every guest's kids to the wedding. It's a dumb argument.

My sister's kids-- yes
My college roommate's kids-- no

It's really not that hard.

But it's also really not hard to understand that for some brides and grooms, they simply want "no kids"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so hard on all sides. I had a no kids wedding, simply because I have a ton of cousins and they all have multiple children. It would have just been insane and added huge cost for kids I didn't even know. I made exception for babies though, nbd.

That said, my closest friend from college had a no *babies* wedding. Young kids were allowed and would be watched in a separate area by a few nannies. My baby had severe reflux, so needed to nurse very often to keep weight up. The wedding was in a city where I don't know anyone who wouldn't have been at the reception. My friend and her fiancé, knowing all of this, instead of inviting us to have the baby at the wedding suggested we "just look for a local babysitter on care.com" and have them stay at a nearby hotel. We politely opted out of attending. She has not talked to me since because she felt slighted that I wouldn't make this sacrifice for her.

So you learned she is not really a good friend and now you can move on with life. That is all on her.

[Anonymous]

I prefer to call them infertile weddings

[Anonymous]

I am going to get ROASTED for this but I insisted that no kids would attend my vows. I did not want crying kids to distract me, and I didn’t trust my SIL or other people with kids to quiet them down during our vows. So we organized childcare in another room and the babysitters threw a “party” for them during our vows. They were also served dinner there, and then came later to dance at the reception. Some of the kids fell asleep in there, some stayed up late dancing. It was completely fine and the parents ended up having a good time.

Okay, here is where I will get roasted. And I sort of feel bad about it, but I banned kids from my baby shower. I was deranged on hormones and kept thinking it was my last “kid free” event. My SIL was so mad, but I didn’t care. Kinda feel bad about it to this day, especially because it made my SIL and MIL so mad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 62 pages on this topic! Clearly, people have strong feelings. I'm going to tack on my perspective as a wedding professional.

People who don't allow children at weddings are doing the right thing in terms of hosting a large event. A child or two, especially those over 12 or under 3, will not cause any problem. However, the very worst weddings I've been to have been those with 5-6 elementary age-d children running loose like a pack of wild animals. I don't know why weddings lead to this - for some reason, parents don't feel the need to supervise closely at a wedding venue, and think it must be fine if they with "the other kids."

It's not fine. They are incredibly destructive - this is an elegant event where breakable property and artistic creations of a large number of vendors is out on display. Children damage, dirty, and break things all the time. I've been at weddings where a pack of children did so much damage that vendors returned and just cried over what had been done to their decor items.

Please, limit kids at weddings. It isn't the appropriate setting for them.

This is RIGHT on! Especially for misbehaved kids.