Why are people disappointed with boys/why do women want girls?

[Anonymous]

Seriously asking.

Am I missing a gene? I do not have a strong urge to have a girl. Am I missing something? What’s this desire/urge to have a girl? And why are boys so disappointing to so many?

[Anonymous]

I think the main reason is you're becoming a mom and you only know the mom/parent relationship from the standpoint of a daughter? That's why you sometimes see people who have terrible relationships with their daughters saying they don't want to have a girl because their experience with that relationship is bad, and people who had a good relationship with their mom want to recreate it. I think at its most basic level it's a failure of imagination.

That or crazy gender stereotypes. You see that in those threads too.

[Anonymous]

I think it is because men leave and don't keep the relationship with their family of origin up as much as a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the main reason is you're becoming a mom and you only know the mom/parent relationship from the standpoint of a daughter? That's why you sometimes see people who have terrible relationships with their daughters saying they don't want to have a girl because their experience with that relationship is bad, and people who had a good relationship with their mom want to recreate it. I think at its most basic level it's a failure of imagination.

That or crazy gender stereotypes. You see that in those threads too.

I’ve always wanted to be a mom, to ANY child. I don’t want to be a mom because I like my mom own mom and I’m a woman.

These threads make me realize I might be the minority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is because men leave and don't keep the relationship with their family of origin up as much as a woman.

My mom isn’t engaged at ALL with her grandchildren, yet my mother in law is my absolute lifeline. As in, they’ve sold their house and moved to our town to help. This is my husbands mom.

I can have sons and still be an engaged grandparent/mother in law. Right?

[Anonymous]

2 sons here and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[Anonymous]

I hear ya, OP. I didn't have a STRONG preference, but I leaned a little toward preferring a boy which is what I had first. Then found out my second would be a girl, I felt a little lukewarm about it, but now that I've had her, it's great having a girl, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the main reason is you're becoming a mom and you only know the mom/parent relationship from the standpoint of a daughter? That's why you sometimes see people who have terrible relationships with their daughters saying they don't want to have a girl because their experience with that relationship is bad, and people who had a good relationship with their mom want to recreate it. I think at its most basic level it's a failure of imagination.

That or crazy gender stereotypes. You see that in those threads too.

I’ve always wanted to be a mom, to ANY child. I don’t want to be a mom because I like my mom own mom and I’m a woman.

These threads make me realize I might be the minority.

Plenty of people feel that way, myself included. I'm answering the OP's question, not stating a preference for girls.

[Anonymous]

You are not crazy, OP. I didn't get this either. I thought I was having a boy (the women in my family always have boys first, and I know that's not science but that just put it in my head that that's what I'd have) and was surprised to have a girl instead. She is wonderful. But I was just as enthusiastic when I thought she was a boy.

I think a lot of women are hoping for mini-me's. The thing is, even if you have a girl, she'll be her own person. And you'll just ruin your relationship with her if you don't give her space for that.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s because girls relate, typically, in ways more familiar to women. I love my boys but my first son has what I would describe as a very stereotypically “male” mind. He’s not interested in people or psychology, he’s interested in engines. I’m sure there are girls like this but TBH fewer.

I am lucky that my second son has a different cast of mind that gives us a different way of relating. But when I talk with girls my sons’ ages they are startlingly able to *talk* about things...it’s different. That said I am also amazed by how difficult they seem, so it’s not like the grass is greener.

[Anonymous]

I have both. I already am upset about having to be a mil one day. Men grown up and don’t care for their families

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have both. I already am upset about having to be a mil one day. Men grown up and don’t care for their families

. . .

Girls get married too, PP. This one is weird.

[Anonymous]

Women share a common experience and want to share that with a daughter. Women also have close relationships with other women, generally moreso than men, and want to replicate that with a daughter.

I wanted to have a girl, despite having a pretty mediocre relationship with my own mother. I grew up with all brothers and I just wanted to like, I thought I could be a good mother to a girl, help her get through the difficulties of womanhood to the good parts. Like if you grow up a woman you feel like you have some advice to impart on growing up a woman.

I have two girls and a boy though and I love them all immeasurably. My boy, who I was actually a little disappointed about(!) is the light of my life he's so sweet and funny and gentle and I think I was crazy for ever caring. They really are their own little people.

[Anonymous]

Weird, I always see people disappointed they didn't have a boy.

[Anonymous]

For me personally, I grew up with all sisters, so that was what was familiar.