Why are people disappointed with boys/why do women want girls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my son, but I hope to have a baby girl. Call me superficial, but I love the bows, clothes, tea parties, etc. I am going to try the Shettles Method as someone mentioned in a previous post.

It’s nuts to me that woman hope for a girl so they can have tea parties. Whaaaaaat.

[Anonymous]

I have one of each and I love them both so much.

[Anonymous]

I think it boils down to the fact that society accepts girls doing “boyish” things but does not accept boys doing “girly” things. So almost nobody who finds out they’re having a girl (these days) thinks “oh but I wanted a son to play sports and go camping with.” They figure they can do those things with a girl if they’re into it. But they do think “oh but I can’t get mani/pedis with my son or take him to the ballet.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For people who say men don’t stay in touch or take care of you when you’re older, isn’t that mostly society’s expectations and how you raise them? So obviously if you parent them well with modern expectations they should be able to defy this stereotype...

One would hope (I sure do), but children aren't born in a vacuum. They pick up on societal expectations and culture outside of the home, too.

Through WWI US men were still closely tied to their mothers. The mothers of fallen soldiers received the flags for their sons, not their DIL. When we needed more men for WWII we social engineered things so that men were not as close to mom (because moms didn’t want their sons dying in another war).

Wtf if Dh dies in war my MIL would get his funeral flag?!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me personally, I grew up with all sisters, so that was what was familiar.

I think that's it. I have 3 brothers and 9 cousins (all guys), so raising boys is so easy to me. Some women also want a "do over" if they didn't have the happiest past. My SIL was relieved when she found out she's having girls because she's lower energy and didn't want to deal with sports, climbing up the walls etc.

Girls participate in sports plus add on activities like dance, music, gymnastics, etc. My girls have always kept me very busy. If you think you need less energy for a girl you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

[Anonymous]

I have a boy and a girl. I think it has balanced my thinking as a parent. I think if you love your kids they will be engaged for the rest of their lives.

If there is dysfunction in your family then your kids are disappointed in you and you are disappointed in them.

[Anonymous]

I wanted a son and have one and for my second I want a son again. The anxiety of having a girl would kill me. Can’t imagine sending my teenage daughter to college. As for my son he’s fineeeee haha women are more at danger from others and I want as a parent less danger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have both. I already am upset about having to be a mil one day. Men grown up and don’t care for their families

. . .

Girls get married too, PP. This one is weird.

No one wants to have a daughter in law.

I do! I have fantastic relationships with both my MIL and step-MIL.

[Anonymous]

I LOVE having two boys. My 6YO wants to get his nails done with me, and I don't have a problem with that (once it is safe to do so). *shrug*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have both. I already am upset about having to be a mil one day. Men grown up and don’t care for their families

Stop being upset about it and start figuring out how to not be an asshole MIL and you'll be just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wanted a son and have one and for my second I want a son again. The anxiety of having a girl would kill me. Can’t imagine sending my teenage daughter to college. As for my son he’s fineeeee haha women are more at danger from others and I want as a parent less danger.

I have a son, and a daughter. I understand wanting a daughter once you've had a son, or vice versa.

However, my son causes the most anxiety, and puts himself in danger. He's a jump first, ask questions second type of person. He is in far more danger than my daughter because he has no fear and is willing/wants to try EVERYTHING. He likely isn't in danger (or as much danger) for physical or sexual assault, but he puts himself in dangerous places and situations. My daughter actually thinks through things. She is cautious about who she is with, what she is doing. She's not perfect, but her risk assessment is far superior. I do not fear that she is going to be dead in a ditch from driving too fast, or hanging out places with the wrong people. She understands about communication and making safe choices.

Don't get me wrong, he's fun, but kind of a disaster waiting to happen, and he welcomes it. "Let's see how I handle this." "This will make a great story some day." "Oh look, my broken bones/stitches count is up to X!"

I've never had anyone in my whole life give me anxiety like he has, it started with him at 18 months and has continued in college. Parenting is tough when you have a risk taker or an impulsive personality, and that can come with either gender/sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the main reason is you're becoming a mom and you only know the mom/parent relationship from the standpoint of a daughter? That's why you sometimes see people who have terrible relationships with their daughters saying they don't want to have a girl because their experience with that relationship is bad, and people who had a good relationship with their mom want to recreate it. I think at its most basic level it's a failure of imagination.

That or crazy gender stereotypes. You see that in those threads too.

This is really insightful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wanted a son and have one and for my second I want a son again. The anxiety of having a girl would kill me. Can’t imagine sending my teenage daughter to college. As for my son he’s fineeeee haha women are more at danger from others and I want as a parent less danger.

I have a son, and a daughter. I understand wanting a daughter once you've had a son, or vice versa.

However, my son causes the most anxiety, and puts himself in danger. He's a jump first, ask questions second type of person. He is in far more danger than my daughter because he has no fear and is willing/wants to try EVERYTHING. He likely isn't in danger (or as much danger) for physical or sexual assault, but he puts himself in dangerous places and situations. My daughter actually thinks through things. She is cautious about who she is with, what she is doing. She's not perfect, but her risk assessment is far superior. I do not fear that she is going to be dead in a ditch from driving too fast, or hanging out places with the wrong people. She understands about communication and making safe choices.

Don't get me wrong, he's fun, but kind of a disaster waiting to happen, and he welcomes it. "Let's see how I handle this." "This will make a great story some day." "Oh look, my broken bones/stitches count is up to X!"

I've never had anyone in my whole life give me anxiety like he has, it started with him at 18 months and has continued in college. Parenting is tough when you have a risk taker or an impulsive personality, and that can come with either gender/sex.

I’m the poster of this and it was interesting to read your response. My toddler now is exhibiting these throw caution to the wind behavior (which may just be toddlerhood) but he has no fears or apprehensions and I constantly have to give him boundaries. But I guess the danger I’m talking about is from others, he can control what he does, he can be more mindful, he can get hurt and learn his lesson, but no matter how cautious your daughter is, she could still end up being hurt by someone. The other thing is even in medical settings or work, girls and women are at a disadvantage. My sister who is in her thirties still calls me when walking late at night. I guess it’s a matter of what danger are you more afraid of and for me it’s the “others” versus the self destruction. Anyway I want a second son is what I’m saying lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it boils down to the fact that society accepts girls doing “boyish” things but does not accept boys doing “girly” things. So almost nobody who finds out they’re having a girl (these days) thinks “oh but I wanted a son to play sports and go camping with.” They figure they can do those things with a girl if they’re into it. But they do think “oh but I can’t get mani/pedis with my son or take him to the ballet.”

THIS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wanted a son and have one and for my second I want a son again. The anxiety of having a girl would kill me. Can’t imagine sending my teenage daughter to college. As for my son he’s fineeeee haha women are more at danger from others and I want as a parent less danger.

I have a son, and a daughter. I understand wanting a daughter once you've had a son, or vice versa.

However, my son causes the most anxiety, and puts himself in danger. He's a jump first, ask questions second type of person. He is in far more danger than my daughter because he has no fear and is willing/wants to try EVERYTHING. He likely isn't in danger (or as much danger) for physical or sexual assault, but he puts himself in dangerous places and situations. My daughter actually thinks through things. She is cautious about who she is with, what she is doing. She's not perfect, but her risk assessment is far superior. I do not fear that she is going to be dead in a ditch from driving too fast, or hanging out places with the wrong people. She understands about communication and making safe choices.

Don't get me wrong, he's fun, but kind of a disaster waiting to happen, and he welcomes it. "Let's see how I handle this." "This will make a great story some day." "Oh look, my broken bones/stitches count is up to X!"

I've never had anyone in my whole life give me anxiety like he has, it started with him at 18 months and has continued in college. Parenting is tough when you have a risk taker or an impulsive personality, and that can come with either gender/sex.

Ehhhh I don’t know about this argument.

It’s obviously impossible to say which causes MORE anxiety:
Your son becoming “free solo” and climbing mountains

Or your daughter having a statically MUCH higher rate of being raped