Long term affair... trying to wrap my head around if it’s even possible to get over your DH’s 3 yr

[Anonymous]

Affair. I don’t have all the details but he has confessed it was highly sexual. Married 15 years, two kids.

[Anonymous]

After 3 yrs that was his girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Not sure why you’re asking Internet strangers. Only you can decide this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After 3 yrs that was his girlfriend.

This. The level of deception, commitment, and feelings/attachment that go into making a 3 year affair work is something I could never forgive. It would be immediate divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why you’re asking Internet strangers. Only you can decide this.

Because people do it everyday.....for advice, compassion.

[Anonymous]

One day at a time

[Anonymous]

Don’t do more work than him to fix the marriage. He broke it, he needs to be the one to fix it.

[Anonymous]

Why is he confessing after 3 years? Why now? Is she pregnant?

[Anonymous]

No it’s not. Divorce because basically he already did. You’re just finishing what he started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No it’s not. Divorce because basically he already did. You’re just finishing what he started.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After 3 yrs that was his girlfriend.

+1. This isn’t an oopsie, this is a double life.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is possible to "get over it" but I wouldn't, I don't recommend it.

First, you both need at least 6 months of individual therapy.

Here is the thing, you want to give him hope for at least 9 months that you might forgive him... most guys will completely forget about an AP after 6 months no contact.

After 6 months of therapy you should plan to divorce next summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After 3 yrs that was his girlfriend.

Maybe but rarely. Even unmarried guys will "hide" a girlfriend for a long period. Some people will just never be a girlfriend. There is something about them that "can't be shown".

Men pick very different APs than they do girlfriends. A girlfriend you love and want to show off, an AP is convenient and disposable.

But that is not your business OP the AP could have been any disposable person, this specific one is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Survivinginfidelity.com will be a great help to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 3 yrs that was his girlfriend.

Maybe but rarely. Even unmarried guys will "hide" a girlfriend for a long period. Some people will just never be a girlfriend. There is something about them that "can't be shown".

Men pick very different APs than they do girlfriends. A girlfriend you love and want to show off, an AP is convenient and disposable.

But that is not your business OP the AP could have been any disposable person, this specific one is irrelevant.

This. It also depends on how often they saw each other and were in contact.

If it was once a month and not even every month that’s different. Were they in public?

My spouse had an affair that was sex 1-2 times and not every month. They would also have several months in a row where they didn’t see each other at all.

He would never be seen with her in public. Not somebody he ever saw a future with or would want as a girlfriend/wife.

It’s crazy they can compartmentalize.

You don’t need to make any decisions yet. Individual therapy for both of you first.