Disgusted by friend’s cheapness/values/food situation
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Anonymous
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She is my very close friend and she has many good qualities.
She and her DH make combined about 280k in very secure jobs. Every time I’ve been to their house they’ve had food around that her husband picked up from a church that was giving away food. I’ve always had some discomfort with the fact that they’ve been picking up this food, and clothes too, when it is clearly meant for people who are needy, but kind of let it go as they are just kind of quirky people, I guess. They have also been picking up school “grab n go” meals for the last several months since it was announced that the meals would be made available to whoever wanted them. I do know that the husband is ALWAYS extremely cheap and controlling about everything and wants to become rich. I went on a trip with this friend recently, with all of our kids. She had packed a bunch of this free food, of course. Her kids eat about twice what mine do and it is mostly junk and carbs. Incidentally, one of her kids is overweight and another has major behavior issues and I hardly think that a steady diet of cheap bread and lucky charms is helping him, but whatever. It was a two day trip and though we did pack most of our meals, she agreed to splurge and have breakfast out on the last day. The breakfast served was what I perceived to be modest, normal portions without waste but my friend thought “they hardly fed us!” She wanted them to bring out more even though the kids said they were full. I think my friend has food issues as I’ve observed on many occasions. She’s not able to eyeball portions sizes. When invited to our home, she spooned half! Of all the mashed potatoes into 1 of her kids plates. I know someone will tell my to MYOB, but I am disgusted with the whole thing. Particularly the picking up all the “free food” which is not intended for them, mostly junk, and then doling it out constantly. I don’t know why this bothers me so much but it does. My family makes less money than they do, but we pay for and perhaps therefore place a higher value on the food we consume. We also go to restaurants some times (pre Covid) and my kids know how to behave in a restaurant and have happily eaten cuisines from all over the world. It disgusts me that this is one of the ways they save money when they already have plenty. And it grosses me out when I see this stuff constantly doled out on her kids. Vent over. |
Anonymous
| I agree with you OP. We don't make anywhere near that kind of money, but free food is for those who really need it. We don't and neither does your friend. |
Anonymous
| OP you need to figure out how to not worry so much about what other people are doing. |
Anonymous
| I couldn’t be friends with her. I would also rat her out to the places she mooches from. Horrible person. |
Anonymous
| There’s nothing bad about rich people getting clothes from goodwill or Salvation Army. It’s wise and great for the environment. Save the money for experiences and college rather than things. |
Anonymous
| It is okay to not be friends anymore. These are not things you can change. Either you ignore these behaviors or move on. I definitely would not vacation with them. Seems like it would be hard to ignore their cheapness while traveling. |
Anonymous
| I would not be friends with this person as it would bother me a lot too but I'm not sure what you can do about it other than end the friendship with a flair. She will not change this is just who they are. Kids will certainly grow up with weird food issues. |
Anonymous
| You may be right but you need to let it go or stop being friends. You parent your kids and she will parent hers. |
Anonymous
HA I had a really big argument with a friend about this once. There is absolutely something wrong with a rich person buying up everything at goodwill. |
Anonymous
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I don’t think I could handle being friends with someone like that. It does sound like a mental illness, and as with all mental heath health issues, there is nothing you can do about it as a bystander. She has to want to change and she doesn’t even recognize this is even a problem. The thing is, life is too short to devote your energy to a relationship like this. Move on. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like mental illness to me also. Does your friend have access to money or is her DH controlling the finances? |
Anonymous
Agree with these 2 PPs. If it were me, I wouldn't do things with them that involve food because I think it sets a terrible example for your own kids. No inviting them over to eat, no traveling with them. |
Anonymous
| Maybe you know less about their situation that you think. People can be very good at keeping up appearances after situations change |
Anonymous
| Start donating healthier food so actual poor people don’t have to make the same bad food choices as your rich friend. |
Anonymous
I doubt they are buying up everything at goodwill. Re-using stuff is actually the first and most important of the 3 R's of environmentalism. BTW Goodwill and the Salvation Army get much of their operating budget from the sales at their stores and also toss a lot of what is donated to them because they can't move everything that comes in so most likely this couple is a net benefit to these charities and the environment. Now if they were insinuating themselves into a place like a Wider Circle that collects professional stuff to help low income people get back on their feet that would be another story. |