Embarrassed by college choice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One DC got into a mediocre state school with a CS major. After graduation, he got a job making substantially more money than our DC that who graduated from a higher-ranked school.

Ha ha. This was our kid too. CS from UMBC and raking in the big bucks now.
This is what swayed him -
- All his insane number of APs/IBs credits were honored so he could do another major easily. He got 1.5 yrs worth of college credits. Thank you MCPS magnet program!!
- Full tuition scholarship (which came to 50K for 4 yrs). A great surprise to our donut hole family.
- Could continue with prestigious internships in DMV organizations that he had worked at during HS. Program at college also made internships a cinch. He always had lots of choices regarding internships and professional connections.

He also did the following, quite shamelessly, and we let him.
- Raided our Costco supplies at home so that he did not have to pay for any supplies
- Home laundry service.
- He kept all his sports equipment and seasonal stuff at home.
- He continued with his all his medical providers in the area - Derm, dentist, PCP, eye dr,
- Being away 45 minutes from home allowed him to live in the dorm but he could attend every single family event that he wanted to.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OK, I'll bite. I wasn't disappointed in my kids' college choices because they all got into well known schools that DCUM would consider prestigious. Had they not, I would have been disappointed for sure and probably embarrassed. Kids around here have every advantage. To those who are given a lot, a lot should be expected.

I hate pampered, underachieving rich kids.

Yikes.

Why do you assume rich = intelligence?

And why do assume kids who go to non-elite schools (i.e. most college students) are not hard-working?

In the social circle where my kids were raised in the DMV, most of the kids were smart. If they didn't end up in prestigious schools, it's because they were pampered and indulged and got lazy.

Many smart kids and rich kids have learning disabilities. You seem woefully uninformed.

+1

And many rich kids are dumb despite having every advantage and still get into Ivies because of who their parents are.

The Trump kids come to mind…

Trupm comes to mind. ONe professor said he was the dumbest student the professor ever taught at Wharton. [/quote

Why are people still keeping their minds on Trump? So sad. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One DC got into a mediocre state school with a CS major. After graduation, he got a job making substantially more money than our DC that who graduated from a higher-ranked school.

Ha ha. This was our kid too. CS from UMBC and raking in the big bucks now.
This is what swayed him -
- All his insane number of APs/IBs credits were honored so he could do another major easily. He got 1.5 yrs worth of college credits. Thank you MCPS magnet program!!
- Full tuition scholarship (which came to 50K for 4 yrs). A great surprise to our donut hole family.
- Could continue with prestigious internships in DMV organizations that he had worked at during HS. Program at college also made internships a cinch. He always had lots of choices regarding internships and professional connections.

He also did the following, quite shamelessly, and we let him.
- Raided our Costco supplies at home so that he did not have to pay for any supplies
- Home laundry service.
- He kept all his sports equipment and seasonal stuff at home.
- He continued with his all his medical providers in the area - Derm, dentist, PCP, eye dr,
- Being away 45 minutes from home allowed him to live in the dorm but he could attend every single family event that he wanted to.

As one of my professors was fond of saying, "this is an excellent answer to a question that wasn't asked."

[Anonymous]

Those of you who feel proud or ashamed of the rank of the school your child got into are...pathetic.

They are not an extension of you. Don't try to live through them.

Having raised children well (which has little if any link to the how USNWR ranks their college they get into!) IS a big accomplishment. Beyond that though, what they do or don't accomplish is based upon THEIR work and who they are.

Focus on what you have made of YOUR life, as sources of pride or embarassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No my smart kid is at an Sec school and I’m proud.

My “not so smart” kid is at an Ivy because he is an athlete and it cracks me up. Getting in was the hardest part.

What kind of grades did your athlete have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who feel proud or ashamed of the rank of the school your child got into are...pathetic.

They are not an extension of you. Don't try to live through them.

Having raised children well (which has little if any link to the how USNWR ranks their college they get into!) IS a big accomplishment. Beyond that though, what they do or don't accomplish is based upon THEIR work and who they are.

Focus on what you have made of YOUR life, as sources of pride or embarassment.

It is totally fine and normal to be proud of your kids or embarrassed when they do bonehead things. Proud or embarrassed of a school "rank" is another thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids didn't go for or get into the Ivies or anything, and there's no shame in that. But they did end up at schools that would impress DCUM and that are better than any of the schools that their friends went to. I often detected a hit of embarrassment, disappointment, jealousy and defensiveness when discussing college acceptances. I actually think it affected friendships among parents. Very sad.

if you say Rice or Duke or Vandy or Emory and think it's impressive because they applied ED and you can afford it, so they got a boost in front of other kids with better stats, think twice ... I have an acquaintance who's kid got in one of those and price tag was >75k per year, the spouse was not happy about it and didn't think it's worth it over the in-state; I couldn't have cared less that their kid goes to one of those non-ivy top 20, maybe I would have a bit if it was Princeton, I really like Princeton for some reason and my kid didn't even apply, likely had no real chance but I know kids with perfect SAT and >3 perfect SAT subjects, and internships and >12 APs all with 5 that didn't get in, the kid needs hooks

[Anonymous]

If I had a child who worked really hard to be at the top of the applicant pool and they only got into a mediocre safety school, I would feel disappointed on their behalf and understand if they felt disappointed or even embarrassed. I would not feel personally embarrassed or ashamed.

I did not have such a child and never felt like my kids were part of the rat race in this area. Older DC was a pretty hard worker and interested in a few academic subjects, but she had other issues in high school that almost derailed her. I was happy that she turned things around, got into a college that was right for her, and did well there. The name and ranking did not matter.

Younger DC is quite bright, lazy, has ADHD and is almost completely uninterested in school and most academic subjects. He had better grades and test scores than older DC. I was pleased that he didn't show reluctance to go to college but I actually encouraged him NOT to go to the higher ranked schools he got into (he would have lost his scholarship). He's a junior and doing well where he landed (where he is studying the one thing he likes).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child is just beginning the college process. Her reach schools are those that dcum would scorn as safeties. But she is autistic with several learning disabilities, and when she started high school I didn't think she would make it to college. So, no, I'm not embarrassed -- I'm thrilled.

Good luck. My dc with a similar profile got into several schools (reaches) that dcum would consider unworthy of their tuition dollars. My dc is socially immature and with the combination of Covid decided to work and attend community college for now. But there are so many options now for our kids. I hope your dd finds her place.

A bit OT, but I have two Ivy degrees, and am attending CC right now to get a certificate in an area I'm interested in. It's quite an eye-opener to spend time in a CC. There are lots of very, very bright kids in my classes, but I can see why some are there. Some are just not that gifted, while others have learning disabilities or troubles with anxiety and need to live at home. One very talented kid in one of my online classes didn't leave her house except to walk to the park down the street. She didn't drive at all. A lot of the kids are the first in their family to attend college or are children of immigrants. I've been trying to let them know they can get financial aid at private colleges, which many don't realize. CC classes are much easier than my Ivy courses, but even some kids fail the CC classes. (I never knew anyone who got below a B in college!) If my kid went to CC, I'd be proud and happy because our CC is a very welcoming place, a chance for kids to grow and learn how to go to college. The brightest ones will do really well, I'm certain of it. They're just as smart if not smarter than my Ivy classmates, only they didn't have the advantages my Ivy classmates did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids didn't go for or get into the Ivies or anything, and there's no shame in that. But they did end up at schools that would impress DCUM and that are better than any of the schools that their friends went to. I often detected a hit of embarrassment, disappointment, jealousy and defensiveness when discussing college acceptances. I actually think it affected friendships among parents. Very sad.

if you say Rice or Duke or Vandy or Emory and think it's impressive because they applied ED and you can afford it, so they got a boost in front of other kids with better stats, think twice ... I have an acquaintance who's kid got in one of those and price tag was >75k per year, the spouse was not happy about it and didn't think it's worth it over the in-state; I couldn't have cared less that their kid goes to one of those non-ivy top 20, maybe I would have a bit if it was Princeton, I really like Princeton for some reason and my kid didn't even apply, likely had no real chance but I know kids with perfect SAT and >3 perfect SAT subjects, and internships and >12 APs all with 5 that didn't get in, the kid needs hooks

Princeton accepts about 1 in 20 applicants, all of whom are completely qualified to get into Princeton. How do they select the "winners"? I'm sure it's somewhat arbitrary. They do not have enough space to accept all the qualified applicants. Sports, legacies and some extraordinary ECs might get a kid into Princeton, but absent those hooks, a super bright, talented, great all-around kid has a very small chance of getting accepted simply because of the numbers. It's a lottery, essentially. The highest grades and test scores don't matter because everyone who applies has high grades and test scores. A hook can be useful, but it's more about luck than anything else.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OK, I'll bite. I wasn't disappointed in my kids' college choices because they all got into well known schools that DCUM would consider prestigious. Had they not, I would have been disappointed for sure and probably embarrassed. Kids around here have every advantage. To those who are given a lot, a lot should be expected.

I hate pampered, underachieving rich kids.

Yikes.

Why do you assume rich = intelligence?

And why do assume kids who go to non-elite schools (i.e. most college students) are not hard-working?

In the social circle where my kids were raised in the DMV, most of the kids were smart. If they didn't end up in prestigious schools, it's because they were pampered and indulged and got lazy.

Many smart kids and rich kids have learning disabilities. You seem woefully uninformed.

+1

And many rich kids are dumb despite having every advantage and still get into Ivies because of who their parents are.

The Trump kids come to mind…

Trupm comes to mind. ONe professor said he was the dumbest student the professor ever taught at Wharton. [/quote

Why are people still keeping their minds on Trump? So sad. Move on.

They are mad that Trump was his high school baseball captain, is a scratch golfer with numerous club championships, rebuilt Manhattan, became a billionaire, was a bestselling author, a decades long tv star, owns iconic properties worldwide, raised 5 healthy ivy educated children, won the Presidency his first campaign on a shoestring budget and marries and has sex with world class models.

He is a generational phenomenon. His smartest and most dominant move is to have a prettier wife than all his haters. It’s the domination of his inferiors and it drives them nuts.

[Anonymous]

My kids went to no-name schools, and I could not be prouder of them! They are doing great! One's in a very prestigious grad program and the other got a great job where he's doing well. My younger kids are going to college in a couple years, and I'll be proud no matter where they go. I know they'll do their best and will be successful when they do. The name of the college doesn't matter at all.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I would not have been embarrassed, but my husband, who grew up in this horrible place, would have been, so he and his parents pulled every string imaginable to get DD into a school that she never would have gotten into otherwise. She's bright and very hard-.working, but severe ADHD and executive function issues. She really struggled throughout her entire high school career at a big 3. She's been at college for two weeks and seems quite happy, but we'll see what happens when classes ramp up. I am waiting for a major implosion. I would have been much happier to see her at a school with a variety of well-rounded kids and where for once, she could stop feeling like she's the dumbest kid in the room. I grew up in a grounded community, where people knew there were many avenues to happiness and success. People in this area are entirely myopic.

If you're so "grounded," why didn't you put your foot down? And why on earth would a "grounded" parent send a kid with the issues that you described to a Big 3 in the first place?

There sure are major holes in your story.

There are not any major holes in PP’s story. Lighten up, Francis.

Yea, there are. This poster is a milk toast parent who let her husband and his family walk all over her and her daughter.

"I am waiting for a major implosion. I would have been much happier to see her at a school with a variety of well-rounded kids and where for once, she could stop feeling like she's the dumbest kid in the room."

Allowing that to happen, yet claiming to be the "grounded" parent? Sorry, no.

LOL, "milk toast".

Thanks for playing, genius.

[Anonymous]

To answer the OP, no of course not. And it’s really not fair to blame “this area” for the college hysteria. When people say that, I know they live in Bethesda or Chevy Chase or Potomac or upper NW. The DC area is very large and most of us are actually quite normal (which I guess would be considered “mediocre” or “average” to them).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OK, I'll bite. I wasn't disappointed in my kids' college choices because they all got into well known schools that DCUM would consider prestigious. Had they not, I would have been disappointed for sure and probably embarrassed. Kids around here have every advantage. To those who are given a lot, a lot should be expected.

I hate pampered, underachieving rich kids.

Yikes.

Why do you assume rich = intelligence?

And why do assume kids who go to non-elite schools (i.e. most college students) are not hard-working?

In the social circle where my kids were raised in the DMV, most of the kids were smart. If they didn't end up in prestigious schools, it's because they were pampered and indulged and got lazy.

Many smart kids and rich kids have learning disabilities. You seem woefully uninformed.

+1

And many rich kids are dumb despite having every advantage and still get into Ivies because of who their parents are.

The Trump kids come to mind…

Since President Trump is still living in your head, you probably want to seek therapy.