Embarrassed by college choice?

[Anonymous]

Not at all. Proud of my dc, and he's in a "more pretigious" school than his parents went to (and we're doing great).
I cannot imagine a college he could have gone to that would make me feel or say or think I wasn't proud.

[Anonymous]

These threads are funny. All the posters who post in it are those who think the OP is ridiculous and say the most important thing is the college's fit with their kid. Let's put those posters in Group A.

But then college acceptance time rolls around and inevitably, a thread will start with the college admissions results for one of the elite privates. Heck - even the non-elite privates and publics. Then, the majority of posters come out criticizing the college results of the school. We'll put those posters in Group B.

Why don't Group B posters post more in threads like this one? Come on! Speak your opinion on threads like this! Don't just come out during College Acceptance Results time to criticize school's college lists!

[Anonymous]

I went to Wisconsin and my kid is attending Wisconsin—could not be prouder or happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not have been embarrassed, but my husband, who grew up in this horrible place, would have been, so he and his parents pulled every string imaginable to get DD into a school that she never would have gotten into otherwise. She's bright and very hard-.working, but severe ADHD and executive function issues. She really struggled throughout her entire high school career at a big 3. She's been at college for two weeks and seems quite happy, but we'll see what happens when classes ramp up. I am waiting for a major implosion. I would have been much happier to see her at a school with a variety of well-rounded kids and where for once, she could stop feeling like she's the dumbest kid in the room. I grew up in a grounded community, where people knew there were many avenues to happiness and success. People in this area are entirely myopic.

If you're so "grounded," why didn't you put your foot down? And why on earth would a "grounded" parent send a kid with the issues that you described to a Big 3 in the first place?

There sure are major holes in your story.

There are not any major holes in PP’s story. Lighten up, Francis.

Yea, there are. This poster is a milk toast parent who let her husband and his family walk all over her and her daughter.

"I am waiting for a major implosion. I would have been much happier to see her at a school with a variety of well-rounded kids and where for once, she could stop feeling like she's the dumbest kid in the room."

Allowing that to happen, yet claiming to be the "grounded" parent? Sorry, no.

DP. You come across as a very angry person.

I'm the one who posted the story. Thanks to the PPs for being reasonable. There is truth in all perspectives here. I definintely allowed myself to be controlled and manipulated by my husband and his parents, who still live close by. I work fulltime, but not in a lucrative field, so I just never felt I could give my kids what he could if I left and the arguments over living here and the schools were many, ugly, and debilitating. I have much regret over the decisions. I will say, though DD hated high school, choosing the word "struggled" was a mistake. She hated it, and had to work twice as hard as most, but struggle was an exagerration. I give myself solace, as does she, that at least it has prepared her to navigate any intense academic and/or social environments she may encounter in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ivy is a lottery. I didn’t win Powerball either. No shame in not winning the lottery.

Also no shame in not buying a ticket and choosing a totally different path. My DC just announced he will not apply to any top 20 schools. We are fine with that. That is not "underachieving" -- he will achieve all he needs to wherever he goes.

actually, save the money from the applications for those 'top' 20 schools and buy some real lottery tickets

ha! good idea!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I'll bite. I wasn't disappointed in my kids' college choices because they all got into well known schools that DCUM would consider prestigious. Had they not, I would have been disappointed for sure and probably embarrassed. Kids around here have every advantage. To those who are given a lot, a lot should be expected.

I hate pampered, underachieving rich kids.

Yikes.

Why do you assume rich = intelligence?

And why do assume kids who go to non-elite schools (i.e. most college students) are not hard-working?

In the social circle where my kids were raised in the DMV, most of the kids were smart. If they didn't end up in prestigious schools, it's because they were pampered and indulged and got lazy.

Many smart kids and rich kids have learning disabilities. You seem woefully uninformed.

+1

And many rich kids are dumb despite having every advantage and still get into Ivies because of who their parents are.

The Trump kids come to mind…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not have been embarrassed, but my husband, who grew up in this horrible place, would have been, so he and his parents pulled every string imaginable to get DD into a school that she never would have gotten into otherwise. She's bright and very hard-.working, but severe ADHD and executive function issues. She really struggled throughout her entire high school career at a big 3. She's been at college for two weeks and seems quite happy, but we'll see what happens when classes ramp up. I am waiting for a major implosion. I would have been much happier to see her at a school with a variety of well-rounded kids and where for once, she could stop feeling like she's the dumbest kid in the room. I grew up in a grounded community, where people knew there were many avenues to happiness and success. People in this area are entirely myopic.

This.

Not in every neighborhood. Just in the rich ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ivy is a lottery. I didn’t win Powerball either. No shame in not winning the lottery.

Also no shame in not buying a ticket and choosing a totally different path. My DC just announced he will not apply to any top 20 schools. We are fine with that. That is not "underachieving" -- he will achieve all he needs to wherever he goes.

Translation: my kid knows he can't get into a top 20.

DP. Maybe he prefers different schools? Did posting this make you feel better about yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not have been embarrassed, but my husband, who grew up in this horrible place, would have been, so he and his parents pulled every string imaginable to get DD into a school that she never would have gotten into otherwise. She's bright and very hard-.working, but severe ADHD and executive function issues. She really struggled throughout her entire high school career at a big 3. She's been at college for two weeks and seems quite happy, but we'll see what happens when classes ramp up. I am waiting for a major implosion. I would have been much happier to see her at a school with a variety of well-rounded kids and where for once, she could stop feeling like she's the dumbest kid in the room. I grew up in a grounded community, where people knew there were many avenues to happiness and success. People in this area are entirely myopic.

This.

Not in every neighborhood. Just in the rich ones.

+1

The rich ones can pay to get in, and pay to stay, sadly.

[Anonymous]

I am not embarrassed, just feel a little disappointed, although, I think they are actually in the right place. Everything happens for a reason. What I can't stand are these snooty people that when they ask where your kid is, they give you an "oh" like it isn't good enough.

[Anonymous]

I got into an ivy but couldn’t afford to go. I still feel a lot of hurt and embarrassment about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not embarrassed, just feel a little disappointed, although, I think they are actually in the right place. Everything happens for a reason. What I can't stand are these snooty people that when they ask where your kid is, they give you an "oh" like it isn't good enough.

My kids didn't go for or get into the Ivies or anything, and there's no shame in that. But they did end up at schools that would impress DCUM and that are better than any of the schools that their friends went to. I often detected a hit of embarrassment, disappointment, jealousy and defensiveness when discussing college acceptances. I actually think it affected friendships among parents. Very sad.

[Anonymous]

So weird this thread is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I'll bite. I wasn't disappointed in my kids' college choices because they all got into well known schools that DCUM would consider prestigious. Had they not, I would have been disappointed for sure and probably embarrassed. Kids around here have every advantage. To those who are given a lot, a lot should be expected.

I hate pampered, underachieving rich kids.

Yikes.

Why do you assume rich = intelligence?

And why do assume kids who go to non-elite schools (i.e. most college students) are not hard-working?

In the social circle where my kids were raised in the DMV, most of the kids were smart. If they didn't end up in prestigious schools, it's because they were pampered and indulged and got lazy.

You call it pampering and indulging, but I call the opposite kind of parent pressuring and bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I'll bite. I wasn't disappointed in my kids' college choices because they all got into well known schools that DCUM would consider prestigious. Had they not, I would have been disappointed for sure and probably embarrassed. Kids around here have every advantage. To those who are given a lot, a lot should be expected.

I hate pampered, underachieving rich kids.

Yikes.

Why do you assume rich = intelligence?

And why do assume kids who go to non-elite schools (i.e. most college students) are not hard-working?

In the social circle where my kids were raised in the DMV, most of the kids were smart. If they didn't end up in prestigious schools, it's because they were pampered and indulged and got lazy.

Many smart kids and rich kids have learning disabilities. You seem woefully uninformed.

+1

And many rich kids are dumb despite having every advantage and still get into Ivies because of who their parents are.

The Trump kids come to mind…

Trupm comes to mind. ONe professor said he was the dumbest student the professor ever taught at Wharton.