Neighbor kid keeps coming over to play

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have this with a five year old neighbor. She is pushy and doesn't get along with my kids and everything is a big ordeal when she's here. We've tried the garden flag idea, I tried telling her parents that I work from home and their kid was ringing the doorbell a zillion times while I was on calls and my kids were at camp, everything. If I open the door, she pushes her way in. If I try to ignore the doorbell, she rings it a hundred times.

No good advice.

Disconnect doorbell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I have no idea what this kid's situation is, but I had a friend whose parents offloaded her wherever they could all the time. She used to actually phone my mom when she was sick because her own mom was "too busy at work" (as a museum curator!) to pick her up from school.

This was a close friend of mine all throughout my childhood and young adulthood, and my mom tried to include her as much as possible. It didn't work, my friend turned shy and withdrawn, and finally committed suicide when she turned 30. Prior to that, she had been a straight-A student, very successful competitive tennis player, and the absolute nicest person you could know.

I hope this kid is very resilient and is able to overcome what sounds like borderline neglect from his family. Whatever you decide to do, please consider his situation.

I'm sorry for your loss, pp. At the same time, your message about helping out a kid whose home life may be neglecting is fine without the gratuitous mention of the suicide. Do not put the burden on OP.

It's not gratuitous. Suicide happens. We should discuss it. I'm not saying this neighborhood kid is going to suffer terrible mental illness as a result of his home life, but he MIGHT. It's something to think about.

OP, or we, collectively, don't owe this kid anything, but you might think about him differently if you stop to observe instead of immediately judging.

Your moms love didn’t stop your friend from taking her life.

So, yes, it wasn’t necessary to mention it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is totally the parents' fault. You need to have a talk with your 4 yr old that some days (or afternoons or weekends) are Family Time and not Playing With Friends Time.

Kid: Can DD Play?
You: Nope, we're busy. She might be able to play on Tuesday afternoon.
Kid: Why?
You: Because I said so. You need to go home now. Bye bye!

Kid: Hi what are you doing?
You: I don't answer questions like that from kids
Kid: Why?
You: Because I'm an adult and I don't have to
Kid: Can I have a snack?
You: You need to go home and ask your parents for a snack. We're not doing indoor playdates anymore because of the rising Covid cases (this, I'm willing to explain). But DD can't play now, so you need to go home.
Kid: can she play later?
You: No sorry, if she's playing outside tomorrow morning you can play outside with her.

Just keep setting boundaries. It's YOUR house, YOUR kid.

Yes, you sound VERY adult-like

Actually they do. The need some of you have to negotiate with 4 year olds has partly gotten society to the mess it's in today.