Neighbor kid keeps coming over to play

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get the annoyance of this occurring everyday, but sheesh unplanned play used to be the definition of of childhood. Not everything has to be a planned play date.

I was born in 1976 and never had unplanned play time with neighborhood kids. It was always a phone call to the girl around the block or down the street.

I was born in 1976 and your experience was not the norm.

[Anonymous]

I had two of my neighbor kids stop by a lot (like 1-2 hours a day, 4x/week). One day I had a different neighbor come over and they said that "oh, those kids--they're always at our house." Made me wonder when they were actually home! But they were 2 kids in a family of 6 and I think the parents had long since decided to let them roam free.

[Anonymous]

Walk him home. Exchange numbers with the parents. Ask them to text before they send him over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get the annoyance of this occurring everyday, but sheesh unplanned play used to be the definition of of childhood. Not everything has to be a planned play date.

I was born in 1976 and never had unplanned play time with neighborhood kids. It was always a phone call to the girl around the block or down the street.

I was born in 1976 and your experience was not the norm.

I was also born in 1976 and my experience growing up is that I would go over to kids houses and ask if friends could play and they would come over to my house and do the same. It was great. In your situation it sounds like you could benefit from that but maybe just set a few ground rules.

[Anonymous]

Another 1970s child and a lot of the kids in my neighborhood do this still—just go over and ring the bell and say “can x play?” It’s great! Of course if you’re not comfortable with your child playing without supervision yet, it is more of a burden. If it doesn’t work for you just tell the other family—please have Larlo call before coming over so we can see if it’s convenient. Otherwise, just tell Larlo “sorry, now is not convenient for playing.” No big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Walk him home. Exchange numbers with the parents. Ask them to text before they send him over.

+1 Introduce yourself and say that it's so nice that Larlo has been able to play at your house daily. Make sure they know how often he's been coming over.

[Anonymous]

Do outdoors only and don't be addressing to say no when it's not convenient. If it really bothers you, set up a schedule, like never before 3pm or only on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I find it a blessing that we have kids knocking on the door, though it wasn't really before six or seven years old in our neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do outdoors only and don't be addressing to say no when it's not convenient. If it really bothers you, set up a schedule, like never before 3pm or only on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I find it a blessing that we have kids knocking on the door, though it wasn't really before six or seven years old in our neighborhood.

A 5 yo may not have a very good sense of time.

[Anonymous]

This is standard practice where we used to live - out west. It is different here. Kids would just show up and ask to play and the kids play outside. I remember having kids at our house from school dismissal until 5/6pm.

I would suggest saying "playing outside only". I always sat on our front steps and kept and eye on the play, but there were always other moms around as well. Kids just roamed the street (safe street).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is standard practice where we used to live - out west. It is different here. Kids would just show up and ask to play and the kids play outside. I remember having kids at our house from school dismissal until 5/6pm.

I would suggest saying "playing outside only". I always sat on our front steps and kept and eye on the play, but there were always other moms around as well. Kids just roamed the street (safe street).

Really? Even the 4 and 5 yr olds? I could see elementary age, but not the pre-k kids

[Anonymous]

OP, set the boundaries that you feel are appropriate by talking to adults. Try to be kind to the child - this may feel as a rejection to him, so you need to explain it in simple and honest terms, without being mean. It's not the child's fault that his parents are failing to pay enough attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend growing up who did this. Now that we’re adults she’s told me what was going on in her home life and I’m appalled. And so glad my parents welcomed her to our house with open arms any time she wanted. She views my parents now as her second family, still stopping by to say hello, etc.

My DH had a family who did this too. One day when he was about 12 a second twin bed just showed up in his friends bedroom (his friend was the only boy of the family) and no one said a word about it. But that bed was always there for him for his entire life through his 20s. He could show up at 6 no warning and another plate would appear at the table and the father would ask about homework. Well now I’m tearing up and we’ve gotten a little off topic from boundary pushing 5 year olds for sure.

OP here. This is sad. I have no idea about parents or home life, but he does have siblings. It isn't the 5 year old pushing boundaries, it is more the lack of coordination and communication from parents. If they don't even have the sense to know he is over my house or ask if he can come over, how do I know someone in their house isn't feeling well, or maybe if this child has been under the weather. I feel like being 5 and in covid times, roaming the neighborhood house to house is a terrible idea.

I have no idea if this is a “home-life” situation or not but god help us if we’ve let a illness that *does*not*severely*affect*children* allow us an excuse to forego compassion on kids. This is demented history-books kind of thinking.

I'm sorry, are you writing this from mid 2020?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get the annoyance of this occurring everyday, but sheesh unplanned play used to be the definition of of childhood. Not everything has to be a planned play date.

With 4 and 5 year olds, this is people who think they're entitled to free babysitting. No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poor little kid. Probably not getting much attention at home. Be kind, but if you can't host the playdate, just let him know and send him (gently) on his way. But keep an eye out for any signs of abuse.
I had a similar issue with two of my neighbor kids coming over all the time when i was on maternity leave. They were quite a bit older than my kids though, so they dynamics were different.

+1

Neighbor's mom is checked out, OP.

Is Neighbor’s dad checked out?

[Anonymous]

Born in 1980. It was fine to go knock on a neighbor’s door, but it was to ask the kid to come out and play, not to go to their house or have them come to mine. Indoor play dates were always coordinated by parents.