How do army wives with 5 kids manage? I can barely take care of 2 kids w a spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:26 year Marine wife here. I assume it’s similar for all services, but Marine wives really take care of each other, from Day 1. Childcare is never an issue, whether through the CDC, or calling up a wife in the same unit. All sorts of activities for kids and families bases abound and are extremely cheap or free. Because we’re all in the same boat (pun intended), no one adopts a negative or woe is me attitude. Wives of senior NCOs are a Godsend to a new wife whether officer or enlisted. They know the ins and outs of Marine family life and how to get stuff done. MCCS has also improved a ton. You move a lot, but base resources are all pretty similar so after a couple PCSs it becomes old hat. It is a bit of a cloistered life, but in a way it has to be as only another military wife knows what we go through and speaks the same language. I wouldn’t want to have lived any other way.

Another Marine wife here (though not as long as you. My husband was in 25 years and we were married for 16 of those years.)

Our husband must have never been stationed at the same base/unit!
There's no way we would just call another wife from the unit to watch your kids unless it was an extreme emergency. In fact, it was explicitly told to us in key volunteer training to NOT offer to watch the kid's of other spouses (and not to lend them money, not to buy them groceries, etc.)

The CDC at Pendleton in the mid 2000s almost never had drop in care available when I called (even trying to book a few weeks in advance for a medical appointment.) Although I will admit the drop in care at main naval hospital in San Diego always had availability when I had appointments down there.
Not sure about other bases, because with the exception of Pendleton, we never lived close enough to base for it to be practical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:26 year Marine wife here. I assume it’s similar for all services, but Marine wives really take care of each other, from Day 1. Childcare is never an issue, whether through the CDC, or calling up a wife in the same unit. All sorts of activities for kids and families bases abound and are extremely cheap or free. Because we’re all in the same boat (pun intended), no one adopts a negative or woe is me attitude. Wives of senior NCOs are a Godsend to a new wife whether officer or enlisted. They know the ins and outs of Marine family life and how to get stuff done. MCCS has also improved a ton. You move a lot, but base resources are all pretty similar so after a couple PCSs it becomes old hat. It is a bit of a cloistered life, but in a way it has to be as only another military wife knows what we go through and speaks the same language. I wouldn’t want to have lived any other way.

Another Marine wife here (though not as long as you. My husband was in 25 years and we were married for 16 of those years.)

Our husband must have never been stationed at the same base/unit!
There's no way we would just call another wife from the unit to watch your kids unless it was an extreme emergency. In fact, it was explicitly told to us in key volunteer training to NOT offer to watch the kid's of other spouses (and not to lend them money, not to buy them groceries, etc.)

The CDC at Pendleton in the mid 2000s almost never had drop in care available when I called (even trying to book a few weeks in advance for a medical appointment.) Although I will admit the drop in care at main naval hospital in San Diego always had availability when I had appointments down there.
Not sure about other bases, because with the exception of Pendleton, we never lived close enough to base for it to be practical.

I think this first pp watches too many episodes of army wives lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
An old middle school friend (we're not longer in touch but I follow her on Facebook) has 5 kids, and her husband is often deployed for many months at a time. Everyone I know is overwhelmed with their 1-2 children. I honestly can't imagine how she takes care of 5 kids on her own. Three of the kids are under 5. Is she super organzied? Does anyone know anyone like this? How do you do it?? Kudos to you

They are not lazy, entitled a..holes like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
An old middle school friend (we're not longer in touch but I follow her on Facebook) has 5 kids, and her husband is often deployed for many months at a time. Everyone I know is overwhelmed with their 1-2 children. I honestly can't imagine how she takes care of 5 kids on her own. Three of the kids are under 5. Is she super organzied? Does anyone know anyone like this? How do you do it?? Kudos to you

They are not lazy, entitled a..holes like you.

OP sounds lovely and is just asking how. Some other posters however...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:26 year Marine wife here. I assume it’s similar for all services, but Marine wives really take care of each other, from Day 1. Childcare is never an issue, whether through the CDC, or calling up a wife in the same unit. All sorts of activities for kids and families bases abound and are extremely cheap or free. Because we’re all in the same boat (pun intended), no one adopts a negative or woe is me attitude. Wives of senior NCOs are a Godsend to a new wife whether officer or enlisted. They know the ins and outs of Marine family life and how to get stuff done. MCCS has also improved a ton. You move a lot, but base resources are all pretty similar so after a couple PCSs it becomes old hat. It is a bit of a cloistered life, but in a way it has to be as only another military wife knows what we go through and speaks the same language. I wouldn’t want to have lived any other way.

Another Marine wife here (though not as long as you. My husband was in 25 years and we were married for 16 of those years.)

Our husband must have never been stationed at the same base/unit!
There's no way we would just call another wife from the unit to watch your kids unless it was an extreme emergency. In fact, it was explicitly told to us in key volunteer training to NOT offer to watch the kid's of other spouses (and not to lend them money, not to buy them groceries, etc.)

The CDC at Pendleton in the mid 2000s almost never had drop in care available when I called (even trying to book a few weeks in advance for a medical appointment.) Although I will admit the drop in care at main naval hospital in San Diego always had availability when I had appointments down there.
Not sure about other bases, because with the exception of Pendleton, we never lived close enough to base for it to be practical.

I think this first pp watches too many episodes of army wives lol.

Eh, I lived on base (Air Force, not Marines) and would offer to watch my neighbor's kids so they could take care of things, especially if I knew their spouse was TDY or deployed, or for my single mom friends. Sometimes the kids would just show up to play with my kiddos, and vice versa, and we ended up having a fair amount of spontaneous, low-key BBQs/picnics/shared meals when the kids were playing outside. When I had my youngest, for example, a few of my military friends (active duty or civilian spouses) offered to watch my older kiddo if needed, as sometimes we don't have extended family who can come help out. It's nice because it's a ready-made community that you step into and you get to know people quickly. Everyone's in the same boat and people are more likely to extend an offer to help out than your average non-military family from my experience. I wouldn't have cold-called someone from my unit, but if one of my airmen needed a hand I was more than happy to help them out with something. I agree that it wouldn't be appropriate to be loaning money or buying groceries for a family- that really indicates that there is a financial issue and it should be addressed and assistance offered via leadership; but i definitely hired a coworker's responsible teenage children to pet-sit or baby-sit, for example.

[Anonymous]

MIL had a bunch of kids and the only family she could depend on was another Army wife, from the same area of the U.S. as MIL, who also had a bunch of kids. They have kept in touch through the years, but no one else, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:26 year Marine wife here. I assume it’s similar for all services, but Marine wives really take care of each other, from Day 1. Childcare is never an issue, whether through the CDC, or calling up a wife in the same unit. All sorts of activities for kids and families bases abound and are extremely cheap or free. Because we’re all in the same boat (pun intended), no one adopts a negative or woe is me attitude. Wives of senior NCOs are a Godsend to a new wife whether officer or enlisted. They know the ins and outs of Marine family life and how to get stuff done. MCCS has also improved a ton. You move a lot, but base resources are all pretty similar so after a couple PCSs it becomes old hat. It is a bit of a cloistered life, but in a way it has to be as only another military wife knows what we go through and speaks the same language. I wouldn’t want to have lived any other way.

Another Marine wife here (though not as long as you. My husband was in 25 years and we were married for 16 of those years.)

Our husband must have never been stationed at the same base/unit!
There's no way we would just call another wife from the unit to watch your kids unless it was an extreme emergency. In fact, it was explicitly told to us in key volunteer training to NOT offer to watch the kid's of other spouses (and not to lend them money, not to buy them groceries, etc.)

The CDC at Pendleton in the mid 2000s almost never had drop in care available when I called (even trying to book a few weeks in advance for a medical appointment.) Although I will admit the drop in care at main naval hospital in San Diego always had availability when I had appointments down there.
Not sure about other bases, because with the exception of Pendleton, we never lived close enough to base for it to be practical.

Its near impossible to get CDC care, even drop in care. My child always came to my appointments.

[Anonymous]

The nicest thing I ever experienced when living on an installation was after I had my third child and my husband was deployed. For the first couple of months, the other moms on my street would call us up and just say "I'm going to the grocery store. Can I pick anything up for you?" There were so many times when it was a hassle to get three kids out the door, including a newborn, just to get groceries, etc. This was so kind and caring and I've never experienced anything like it in civilian life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They have access to fantastic, incredibly cheap child care. How cheap? As low as 160 dollars a month for full time care (sliding scale based on income). Plus drop-in daycare for 5 dollars an hour. Essentially free healthcare for the whole family, and a housing subsidy. Obviously, all in exchange for a really risky job.

It's not just the "risky job." There's a lot more about military life that is more difficult than civilian.
It's the time away from family for months or even over a year at a time. Sometimes with very little notice. In 2003 my husband was told that he was leaving in 3 days, with absolutely no return date (it ended up being 9 months, but we didn't know that until a few days before he came home.) He missed our son's birthday, Valentines Day, His birthday, my birthday, our anniversary, etc. During the time he was in/we were married he deployed several times (each time 6+ months) and the most notice we ever got was 2 months.

It's complete lack of control over many aspects of your life. Yeah, theoretically there is a "wish list" of duty stations, but I've only met a few people that have had that honored. If they tell you you're moving somewhere, you have to do it. Oh, well the family doesn't have to go--but the military member does. Most families want to stay together. Unlike any other job, the military member can't just turn in their two weeks notice and quit.

This seems so hard. My heart goes out to you.

Logistics of caring for small children aside, I always thought the hardest part would be how much I would miss my spouse during deployments. Occasionally my husband travels for 3-4 weeks, and I miss him like hell. Yes, I miss his help with the kids, but what I really miss is having him there to share a private joke or give me a look or a smile that he knows what I'm thinking, or hold my hand while we are taking a walk, or to try to look down my shirt while I'm loading the dishwasher .
9 months is a long time. That sounds so hard.