How do army wives with 5 kids manage? I can barely take care of 2 kids w a spouse

[Anonymous]

An old middle school friend (we're not longer in touch but I follow her on Facebook) has 5 kids, and her husband is often deployed for many months at a time. Everyone I know is overwhelmed with their 1-2 children. I honestly can't imagine how she takes care of 5 kids on her own. Three of the kids are under 5. Is she super organzied? Does anyone know anyone like this? How do you do it?? Kudos to you

[Anonymous]

It’s really rough. Sometimes I think I should find a way to volunteer to help military families, now that my children are grown.

[Anonymous]

The ones I know are SAHMs and at least half the kids are in school full time (obv this year is crazy but most years have routine. No idea how you’d do it and hold down employment outside the home.

[Anonymous]

Military spouses do often pitch in to help each other out, because everyone is in the same boat.

[Anonymous]

I found dealing with 2 very easy, and one of them has special needs that take up a lot of our collective efforts and headspace. Sadly, no more kids for me. So I suppose this mother has equally “easy” children and was able to have 5. It happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I found dealing with 2 very easy, and one of them has special needs that take up a lot of our collective efforts and headspace. Sadly, no more kids for me. So I suppose this mother has equally “easy” children and was able to have 5. It happens.

Even if all 5 are "easy" the logistics alone with this many kids is a lot to juggle. Between nursing, feeding the older kids, helping with homework, shuttling to activities etc. All of that adds up with a few children, but I cannot imagine it with 5--even with a strict routine and schedule with that many young kids I'd be totally overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Its actually easier with little kids and a deployed husband sometimes. You can give them waffles and fruit for dinner and let them eat it in pajamas rather than having to make a big dinner for your husband. My husband would get stressed out by a messy house but life was a bit more casual while he was gone, etc I sleep trained two babies by letting them cry it out during deployments without him insisting on picking them up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its actually easier with little kids and a deployed husband sometimes. You can give them waffles and fruit for dinner and let them eat it in pajamas rather than having to make a big dinner for your husband. My husband would get stressed out by a messy house but life was a bit more casual while he was gone, etc I sleep trained two babies by letting them cry it out during deployments without him insisting on picking them up.

Thank you for this perspective. I don't have any friends in the military, so I don't know that world at all. It's hard for me to picture it especially moving every year or two and starting over in terms of friends and community support. Anything else you can share about your experience as a military spouse. Would you do it over again?

[Anonymous]

If on base much easier. But, they don’t and kids run wild.

[Anonymous]

I raise my kids on a military base in Germany like 20 years ago. My husband was mostly deployed to Bosnia at the time. I had 3 toddlers and my best friend had four! They would come over for a playdate, then we would feed everybody dinner, then sometimes they stayed overnight. Sometimes there were other families involved. The ladies watched a movie and had a glass of wine after everybody went to bed. Like a giant slumber party that revolved around the neighborhood. I was so lonely when we moved back to the states. I had no idea that other women found being a SAHM lonely and isolating. On a military base, it feels more like being in a sorority. And these were officers wives. We had a blast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are young, christian and vibrant not old liberal and tired like post meno moms of dcum

+1
-an old tired post meno mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its actually easier with little kids and a deployed husband sometimes. You can give them waffles and fruit for dinner and let them eat it in pajamas rather than having to make a big dinner for your husband. My husband would get stressed out by a messy house but life was a bit more casual while he was gone, etc I sleep trained two babies by letting them cry it out during deployments without him insisting on picking them up.

Thank you for this perspective. I don't have any friends in the military, so I don't know that world at all. It's hard for me to picture it especially moving every year or two and starting over in terms of friends and community support. Anything else you can share about your experience as a military spouse. Would you do it over again?

My DH isn’t military but traveled every week almost, pre COVID and sometimes it’s definitely easier when he was gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I raise my kids on a military base in Germany like 20 years ago. My husband was mostly deployed to Bosnia at the time. I had 3 toddlers and my best friend had four! They would come over for a playdate, then we would feed everybody dinner, then sometimes they stayed overnight. Sometimes there were other families involved. The ladies watched a movie and had a glass of wine after everybody went to bed. Like a giant slumber party that revolved around the neighborhood. I was so lonely when we moved back to the states. I had no idea that other women found being a SAHM lonely and isolating. On a military base, it feels more like being in a sorority. And these were officers wives. We had a blast.

That sounds lovely!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I raise my kids on a military base in Germany like 20 years ago. My husband was mostly deployed to Bosnia at the time. I had 3 toddlers and my best friend had four! They would come over for a playdate, then we would feed everybody dinner, then sometimes they stayed overnight. Sometimes there were other families involved. The ladies watched a movie and had a glass of wine after everybody went to bed. Like a giant slumber party that revolved around the neighborhood. I was so lonely when we moved back to the states. I had no idea that other women found being a SAHM lonely and isolating. On a military base, it feels more like being in a sorority. And these were officers wives. We had a blast.

I went to high school with a few military brats. They usually came from big families and the kids were so smart. One could tell that the kids operated as a tribe. Their families had a system and if you've never been an expatriate you'd never understand the group support and dynamic of being in a foreign land with others in the same situation holding onto each other for dear life. Compared to being a military wife amongst many other military wives, being a civilian SAHM without family nearby is lonely and isolating. Small children really enjoy being in the company of older kids so having more kids is in some ways easier than just one or two. Keeping singletons occupied is draining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I raise my kids on a military base in Germany like 20 years ago. My husband was mostly deployed to Bosnia at the time. I had 3 toddlers and my best friend had four! They would come over for a playdate, then we would feed everybody dinner, then sometimes they stayed overnight. Sometimes there were other families involved. The ladies watched a movie and had a glass of wine after everybody went to bed. Like a giant slumber party that revolved around the neighborhood. I was so lonely when we moved back to the states. I had no idea that other women found being a SAHM lonely and isolating. On a military base, it feels more like being in a sorority. And these were officers wives. We had a blast.

Clearly officers wives as enlisted cannot afford that level of food