Help me... Husband thinks I only need less than a week of leave

[Anonymous]

I’ve had friends go back after 2-3 weeks in your situation (no fmla but needed the money) and it was rough. Literally still healing from birth and it takes weeks to regulate your breast milk. If you want to nurse you need 6 week minimum to get routine and supply stable. This would be a huge red flag about your DH if he continues. He’s either a weird controlling, dick or unbelievably ignorant/naieve about childbirth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had friends go back after 2-3 weeks in your situation (no fmla but needed the money) and it was rough. Literally still healing from birth and it takes weeks to regulate your breast milk. If you want to nurse you need 6 week minimum to get routine and supply stable. This would be a huge red flag about your DH if he continues. He’s either a weird controlling, dick or unbelievably ignorant/naieve about childbirth.

If he's ignorant/naïve about childbirth, he is probably also ignorant/naïve about children and their needs. Probably has no idea what sort of attention/childcare a baby needs, for example, and thinks babies/toddlers can entertain themselves all day.

[Anonymous]

I really don’t think the bashing of OP’s husband is in order. It’s possible he’s just trying to be hopeful about the bad situation OP and her husband put themselves in. If OP can’t get any leave (yet unknown) and she really does need to return to work soon after birth, a negative attitude won’t help anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vaginal or c section, six weeks is more than ample recovery time. Four million live US births.a year, so there is absolutely nothing special about being pregnant, giving birth, or going back to work within six weeks.

Which has what to do with OP's post?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Are you not eligible for disability? You should be able to get six weeks of unpaid disability.

?? OP does not qualify for federal FMLA. There may be a state analogue she qualifies for, but most laws I’m familiar with require a year on the job to qualify. There is no “unpaid disability” that covers everyone other than FMLA.

Yes, there is. It’s called the ADA. Pregnancy is covered and a leave of absence is considered a reasonable accommodation. She would only be covered for the period of time to medically recover.

I'm pretty confident this is not true, and my googling seems to be backing me up. Unless something goes wrong, pregnancy is not generally covered by the ADA:

https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/your-right-accommodation-during-pregnancy.html

PP here - and I literally cannot find any mention of using the ADA to get time off AFTER giving birth. I'm confident this is not a thing.

It's very possible that, legally, she can be fired for not showing up at work the day after she delivers, unless her state offers some protections.

First google hit for me. Read the entire page: http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/guidance/fact-sheet-small-businesses-pregnancy-discrimination

I’m the PP, I’ve read this whole page. I’m still not seeing anything about getting leave after birth beyond FMLA. What section are you referring to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Are you not eligible for disability? You should be able to get six weeks of unpaid disability.

?? OP does not qualify for federal FMLA. There may be a state analogue she qualifies for, but most laws I’m familiar with require a year on the job to qualify. There is no “unpaid disability” that covers everyone other than FMLA.

Yes, there is. It’s called the ADA. Pregnancy is covered and a leave of absence is considered a reasonable accommodation. She would only be covered for the period of time to medically recover.

I'm pretty confident this is not true, and my googling seems to be backing me up. Unless something goes wrong, pregnancy is not generally covered by the ADA:

https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/your-right-accommodation-during-pregnancy.html

PP here - and I literally cannot find any mention of using the ADA to get time off AFTER giving birth. I'm confident this is not a thing.

It's very possible that, legally, she can be fired for not showing up at work the day after she delivers, unless her state offers some protections.

First google hit for me. Read the entire page: http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/guidance/fact-sheet-small-businesses-pregnancy-discrimination

I’m the PP, I’ve read this whole page. I’m still not seeing anything about getting leave after birth beyond FMLA. What section are you referring to?

Look under the header for the ADA. It says that certain accommodations may be granted for pregnancy related conditions. A leave of absence is listed. Childbirth is a pregnancy related condition. Doctors certify women that they are medically disabled for 6 or 8 weeks after giving birth. Generally that cert is used for short term disability policies but it can also be used when requesting an ADA leave of absence.

If you want further information, the EEOC is extremely helpful in providing advice for employers on how to accommodate ADA requests. So is JAN. If you’re in DC, DOES also is very helpful to work with. Or your outside council can easily guide you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Vaginal or c section, six weeks is more than ample recovery time. Four million live US births.a year, so there is absolutely nothing special about being pregnant, giving birth, or going back to work within six weeks.

It isnt AMPLE recovery time, its the bare minimum and in every other abdominal surgery or event that would leave you with a dinner plate sized hole in your body, you would be told to bed rest and do nothing else.

We dont get that 6 weeks of rest and sleep.

I had a 40 hour labor with 4 hours of pushing that led to a C Section. I was told to not use stairs nor get out of bed except to pee/nurse. I was left alone on day 3 of recovery in a 3rd floor condo. I had to WALK up the stairs on day 2 post-surgery to get into my house.

I had to feed myself, try to nurse with a baby that wasnt latching, learn how to soothe a colicky baby ( who later ends up being diagnosed with reflux, an airway disorder, and CMPI).

6 weeks my f****in a$$.

The sheer disregard of those first few months post partum travels down to how we feel about women and babies in general, and it isnt pretty. If the PP posting above is a woman, then you are a self-hating one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Vaginal or c section, six weeks is more than ample recovery time. Four million live US births.a year, so there is absolutely nothing special about being pregnant, giving birth, or going back to work within six weeks.

It isnt AMPLE recovery time, its the bare minimum and in every other abdominal surgery or event that would leave you with a dinner plate sized hole in your body, you would be told to bed rest and do nothing else.

We dont get that 6 weeks of rest and sleep.

I had a 40 hour labor with 4 hours of pushing that led to a C Section. I was told to not use stairs nor get out of bed except to pee/nurse. I was left alone on day 3 of recovery in a 3rd floor condo. I had to WALK up the stairs on day 2 post-surgery to get into my house.

I had to feed myself, try to nurse with a baby that wasnt latching, learn how to soothe a colicky baby ( who later ends up being diagnosed with reflux, an airway disorder, and CMPI).

6 weeks my f****in a$$.

The sheer disregard of those first few months post partum travels down to how we feel about women and babies in general, and it isnt pretty. If the PP posting above is a woman, then you are a self-hating one.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you post this on Reddit too? Because you come across as a real jerk there.

You can't just post this without a link

It’s more likely that a troll copied the post from Reddit here and is watching everyone get all stirred up. There won’t be any replies from OP because the real OP isn’t on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:WTF. If you have a c-section you won’t be recovered by the first week.

Newsflash, she won't be recovered a week after a vaginal birth either.

I had two natural births and both times I was told under no uncertain terms to remain in bed with my legs closed for one week. I could get up to go to the bathroom and shower, that's it.

This is not normal. Was this in the US?

Lol, it's absolutely normal. I think giving birth in a hospital is abnormal. This is standard care when you choose an out of hospital birth. It's actually quite nice to just relax and be taken care of after the marathon of labor. Obviously the newborns stayed with me and we were able to breastfeed with no issues. Older child(ren) come and visit in bed until it's time for rest again. Also, midwives come to you for home visit checkups instead of having to haul a newborn to a germ-filled pediatricians office.

You really would do well to open your mind to a better way.

It sounds both patronizing and like a good way to watch your baby die in labor. Glad your babies survived.

+1 PP seems to forget all of the dead and disabled babies that women used to deliver. My oldest wouldn’t be here w/o a very swift emergency c-section.