Help me... Husband thinks I only need less than a week of leave

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF. If you have a c-section you won’t be recovered by the first week.

Newsflash, she won't be recovered a week after a vaginal birth either.

I had two natural births and both times I was told under no uncertain terms to remain in bed with my legs closed for one week. I could get up to go to the bathroom and shower, that's it.

This is not normal. Was this in the US?

Yeah what the heck. I was told the more activity I did the better I would feel. And I felt that was true. How did you care for your baby laying in bed? Who cooked for you? What about other children? That actually seems cruel to be forced into bed. I started attending moms groups the first week and I think it healed my mind.

DP, but there has to be a balance. I felt great after DD#2 was born back in May. It was a super easy vaginal delivery, no tearing, out of the hospital in 24 hours. I got home and went right back to caring for older DD, cooking, cleaning, etc, in addition to care for the baby. Pandemic, so of course no family help, and my DH went back to work after 3 days...then I ended up with very heavy bleeding and was put on bed rest for a week. It is possible to think you’re just fine and then overdo it, and women such as OP need to keep that in mind.

Something similar happened to me and I was put back on bed rest when my baby was about a week and a half old. The risks from overdoing it are significant, and overdoing it is easy when there isn’t any support from family and friends due to the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Women used to stay in a hospital two weeks released, went home and took care of their children. Some of the lucky ones had family to help. That is not the way today. Have your baby go home and HIRE someone to help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WTF. If you have a c-section you won’t be recovered by the first week.

WTF. If she has a straightforward vaginal delivery she won’t be recovered after a week!

This is insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you not eligible for disability? You should be able to get six weeks of unpaid disability.

?? OP does not qualify for federal FMLA. There may be a state analogue she qualifies for, but most laws I’m familiar with require a year on the job to qualify. There is no “unpaid disability” that covers everyone other than FMLA.

Yes, there is. It’s called the ADA. Pregnancy is covered and a leave of absence is considered a reasonable accommodation. She would only be covered for the period of time to medically recover.

I'm pretty confident this is not true, and my googling seems to be backing me up. Unless something goes wrong, pregnancy is not generally covered by the ADA:

https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/your-right-accommodation-during-pregnancy.html

PP here - and I literally cannot find any mention of using the ADA to get time off AFTER giving birth. I'm confident this is not a thing.

It's very possible that, legally, she can be fired for not showing up at work the day after she delivers, unless her state offers some protections.

First google hit for me. Read the entire page: http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/guidance/fact-sheet-small-businesses-pregnancy-discrimination

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could hardly walk up the stairs a week after giving birth, and you won’t be allowed to drive. Your boobs will be swollen beyond belief and they will be leaking milk like you cannot believe. You will be sweating uncontrollably and night and not sleeping for more than 1 hour at a time. Your husband needs to read a book about newborns.

I was allowed to drive as soon as I wanted to (uncomplicated delivery).

[Anonymous]

Op, why don’t your speak to someone from Hr about your options, not your boss? I’ve had bosses who were clueless s about the actual leave policy and what was legally allowed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF. If you have a c-section you won’t be recovered by the first week.

Newsflash, she won't be recovered a week after a vaginal birth either.

I had two natural births and both times I was told under no uncertain terms to remain in bed with my legs closed for one week. I could get up to go to the bathroom and shower, that's it.

This is not normal. Was this in the US?

Lol, it's absolutely normal. I think giving birth in a hospital is abnormal. This is standard care when you choose an out of hospital birth. It's actually quite nice to just relax and be taken care of after the marathon of labor. Obviously the newborns stayed with me and we were able to breastfeed with no issues. Older child(ren) come and visit in bed until it's time for rest again. Also, midwives come to you for home visit checkups instead of having to haul a newborn to a germ-filled pediatricians office.

You really would do well to open your mind to a better way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF. If you have a c-section you won’t be recovered by the first week.

Newsflash, she won't be recovered a week after a vaginal birth either.

I had two natural births and both times I was told under no uncertain terms to remain in bed with my legs closed for one week. I could get up to go to the bathroom and shower, that's it.

This is not normal. Was this in the US?

Lol, it's absolutely normal. I think giving birth in a hospital is abnormal. This is standard care when you choose an out of hospital birth. It's actually quite nice to just relax and be taken care of after the marathon of labor. Obviously the newborns stayed with me and we were able to breastfeed with no issues. Older child(ren) come and visit in bed until it's time for rest again. Also, midwives come to you for home visit checkups instead of having to haul a newborn to a germ-filled pediatricians office.

You really would do well to open your mind to a better way.

It sounds both patronizing and like a good way to watch your baby die in labor. Glad your babies survived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could hardly walk up the stairs a week after giving birth, and you won’t be allowed to drive. Your boobs will be swollen beyond belief and they will be leaking milk like you cannot believe. You will be sweating uncontrollably and night and not sleeping for more than 1 hour at a time. Your husband needs to read a book about newborns.

Nope. I was at Tyson’s mall shopping for baby clothes 3 days after birth. I absolutely could not have left my baby or gone back to work though.

I leaked milk for over 9 months and it wasn’t an issue. I just was an overproducer and had to wear boob pads nonstop. Most of the other moms were done leaking by 2 months which surprised me.

Nannies or grandmas could watch babies, but it’s not a good idea. I haven’t known of any grandmas who came to help the mom after birth though, that’s usually the husbands role.

"Nope" is such an odd response. Your experience was different. Doesn't discount PP's.

My experience is that my mom (my kids' grandma) came right after both my deliveries primarily to help/take care of me. That's common in a lot of Asian cultures.

OP, the variety of responses here should be enough to tell you that it's really tough to predict how you'll feel immediately post-partum. It doesn't really sound like there's much you can do right now, since there are several unknowns...most importantly whether your employer will let you go if you take maternity leave. I don't really see a point in looking for a job ahead of time, though. Worst case scenario, if you get let go, you can look after you've had the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women used to stay in a hospital two weeks released, went home and took care of their children. Some of the lucky ones had family to help. That is not the way today. Have your baby go home and HIRE someone to help you.

My grandmas both stayed in the hospital for 10 days. It was dormitory style with rows of beds. The babies weren’t allowed with you and weren’t only allowed to come to nurse during specific times. My grandma talked about leaking everywhere and how much she wanted her baby but wasn’t allowed to nurse then. Babies were given formula to keep them quiet and easy for the nurses. They had trouble affording formula when they went home and her milk had mostly dried up by the time she left. My other grandma didn’t really want to breastfeed, but also hated the hospital. She saw other women strapped down while in labor (twilight sleep) and she hated being there. She didn’t have anyone else to watch her kids while she was in the hospital and men didn’t help back then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could hardly walk up the stairs a week after giving birth, and you won’t be allowed to drive. Your boobs will be swollen beyond belief and they will be leaking milk like you cannot believe. You will be sweating uncontrollably and night and not sleeping for more than 1 hour at a time. Your husband needs to read a book about newborns.

Nope. I was at Tyson’s mall shopping for baby clothes 3 days after birth. I absolutely could not have left my baby or gone back to work though.

I leaked milk for over 9 months and it wasn’t an issue. I just was an overproducer and had to wear boob pads nonstop. Most of the other moms were done leaking by 2 months which surprised me.

Nannies or grandmas could watch babies, but it’s not a good idea. I haven’t known of any grandmas who came to help the mom after birth though, that’s usually the husbands role.

"Nope" is such an odd response. Your experience was different. Doesn't discount PP's.

My experience is that my mom (my kids' grandma) came right after both my deliveries primarily to help/take care of me. That's common in a lot of Asian cultures.

OP, the variety of responses here should be enough to tell you that it's really tough to predict how you'll feel immediately post-partum. It doesn't really sound like there's much you can do right now, since there are several unknowns...most importantly whether your employer will let you go if you take maternity leave. I don't really see a point in looking for a job ahead of time, though. Worst case scenario, if you get let go, you can look after you've had the baby.

Your Dh didn’t mind not being able to care for you? It is up there on dhs top memories along with helping me through labor and delivery

[Anonymous]

Vaginal or c section, six weeks is more than ample recovery time. Four million live US births.a year, so there is absolutely nothing special about being pregnant, giving birth, or going back to work within six weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vaginal or c section, six weeks is more than ample recovery time. Four million live US births.a year, so there is absolutely nothing special about being pregnant, giving birth, or going back to work within six weeks.

Ok, but OP is talking about going back after 1 week, not 6.

I went back after 6 weeks with my first. It sucked (and I took more leave with my second when I had the option), but, yes, the vast majority of women in this country get 6 weeks or less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vaginal or c section, six weeks is more than ample recovery time. Four million live US births.a year, so there is absolutely nothing special about being pregnant, giving birth, or going back to work within six weeks.

It says one week in the title! Pfft

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women used to stay in a hospital two weeks released, went home and took care of their children. Some of the lucky ones had family to help. That is not the way today. Have your baby go home and HIRE someone to help you.

My grandmas both stayed in the hospital for 10 days. It was dormitory style with rows of beds. The babies weren’t allowed with you and weren’t only allowed to come to nurse during specific times. My grandma talked about leaking everywhere and how much she wanted her baby but wasn’t allowed to nurse then. Babies were given formula to keep them quiet and easy for the nurses. They had trouble affording formula when they went home and her milk had mostly dried up by the time she left. My other grandma didn’t really want to breastfeed, but also hated the hospital. She saw other women strapped down while in labor (twilight sleep) and she hated being there. She didn’t have anyone else to watch her kids while she was in the hospital and men didn’t help back then.

My husband was born in a rural hospital and it was similar to this. Moms stayed in the hospital longer but babies were kept separate in the nursery and formula fed. Men didn't help with younger kids or visit other than the look at the babies through the glass. No private rooms.

And they weren't poor at all, just rural.