Help me... Husband thinks I only need less than a week of leave

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I...think you might have some bigger problems coming up than this alone. Has your husband been around babies before? Does he understand the work involved?

+1

Sounds to me like the leave thing is the tip of the iceberg. I'll bet he has NO idea what he's in for, and it's going to be a big, and very unpleasant surprise. Forget about resources - who does he know/like/trust, a dude, that is a decent dad, and has had a baby in the last... say, 3-5 years (any longer than that and you're looking at major rose colored glasses)? A friend, a brother? That's who he needs to talk to.

Agree. He’s going to be a terrible partner and parent unless he gets a reality check ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have my own small firm. I never hire woman of childbearing age. I do hire women, just older.

Wow, some real woman’s rights advocate you are.

Haha yeah. Jokes on you. I’m an older mom with two kids who just got a senior position. I’m pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could hardly walk up the stairs a week after giving birth, and you won’t be allowed to drive. Your boobs will be swollen beyond belief and they will be leaking milk like you cannot believe. You will be sweating uncontrollably and night and not sleeping for more than 1 hour at a time. Your husband needs to read a book about newborns.

None of this happened to me and at 5 days out I was physically back to normal. BUT. OP has no idea what experience she will have. Also, OP needs to just talk to her boss (and probably before Christmas or her marriage is gonna be worse for the wear).

DP here, all of this happened to me too. I had an "uncomplicated" (but very, very long) vaginal birth and my legs felt like jello for 3 weeks minimum. It was nearly a month before I trusted myself to drive a car. I also sweated uncontrollably at night. I know some people go back to week at 6 weeks postpartum but frankly I can't even process it. I was a complete mess.

Me too. It took me a very long time to be able to even walk around the block. Pregnancy was a breeze. Birth and recovery messed me up. I had no leave (1099), but the account took me back after 3 months. I had saved enough for most of leave, but it was unpaid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could hardly walk up the stairs a week after giving birth, and you won’t be allowed to drive. Your boobs will be swollen beyond belief and they will be leaking milk like you cannot believe. You will be sweating uncontrollably and night and not sleeping for more than 1 hour at a time. Your husband needs to read a book about newborns.

None of this happened to me and at 5 days out I was physically back to normal. BUT. OP has no idea what experience she will have. Also, OP needs to just talk to her boss (and probably before Christmas or her marriage is gonna be worse for the wear).

DP here, all of this happened to me too. I had an "uncomplicated" (but very, very long) vaginal birth and my legs felt like jello for 3 weeks minimum. It was nearly a month before I trusted myself to drive a car. I also sweated uncontrollably at night. I know some people go back to week at 6 weeks postpartum but frankly I can't even process it. I was a complete mess.

Yeah, I went back at 6w pp with my first DD. Physically, I was more than able, since I bounced back very quickly from delivery. Mentally...I was a disaster of PPD, PPA, horrific sleep deprivation, and very little support at home. I’m not sure how I made it through, honestly. I swore to myself that I would never be in that position again. Took 10 weeks with my second DD. Even that wasn’t much compared to some women, but it was a night and day different experience from my first.

[Anonymous]

Stand your ground. You need rest and recovery and time with the baby. And who wants to put a newborn with no shots into
daycare in the middle of pandemic winter?

Keep the baby in a bassinet in your room so he isn’t insulated from the realities of the newborn sleeping and feeding schedule. He will see the error of his ways soon enough. He just doesn’t know what he doesn’t know, probably.

Can you go part time WFH temporarily?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly could have been okay physically, but I was nursing all night long and had trouble doing major things in life due to sleep deprivation (using knives, making left hand turns, remembering anything). Maybe your husband could formula feed all night long instead of you breastfeeding? I definitely bled for a good 6 weeks, but it was probably because I was at stroller strides at 3 weeks and just never rested.

It's just not doable without massive help and $$$.

who would take care of the new born? 12 weeks is very young for daycare. Nobody sends a 1 week old baby to daycare.

The youngest I've ever even heard of a daycare taking a baby is 6 weeks.

This will be a problem. Daycares won’t take babies before six weeks.

Our local chain daycare took a 2 week old, but the director was very clear that this was an extenuating circumstance due to the mom being a single mom with other complicating factors. I'm not anti-daycare (both of my kids were daycare kids), but this was heartbreaking to hear.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, you should divorce him Now. He thinks so little of you now, it won’t get any better.

[Anonymous]

OP so here’s the thing, I believe the time you are pregnant counts towards FMLA and a pregnancy is typically around 40 weeks. So how long will you have worked at your job when you deliver? If you worked there for a few months and then got pregnant and then work your whole pregnancy, I think you can qualify right before you have the baby if you hit your one year anniversary. Just a thought.

Also, I don’t mean this to sound unkind, but your husband sounds really unintelligent. I would be worried to have a child with someone so ignorant about what it entails. Does he realize you will either be recovering from major abdominal surgery or major pelvic floor trauma and also have a massive internal flesh wound that bleeds for 6 weeks (where your placenta detached from the uterus) as well as going through the biggest hormone shift of your life—all while learning to breastfeed and keep a small human alive 24-7 and deal with major sleep deprivation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes no sense. At minimum you will qualify for 6 weeks short term disability.

Yes both OP and her husband are tying themselves up in knots and getting upset with each other when they don't have the facts. Much chilling is in order.

Only if OP has disability insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes no sense. At minimum you will qualify for 6 weeks short term disability.

Yes both OP and her husband are tying themselves up in knots and getting upset with each other when they don't have the facts. Much chilling is in order.

Not everyone has short term disability insurance. I've never had this at a job.

[Anonymous]

Are you employed in DC? https://www.ebglaw.com/news/the-district-of-columbia-passes-the-nations-most-expansive-paid-family-and-medical-leave-law/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you employed in DC? https://www.ebglaw.com/news/the-district-of-columbia-passes-the-nations-most-expansive-paid-family-and-medical-leave-law/

Yes, this.

[Anonymous]

Are you not eligible for disability? You should be able to get six weeks of unpaid disability.

[Anonymous]

OP - how long has your husband been at his job? If longer than a year, then HE is eligible for FMLA and I suggest you propose he take the full 12 weeks off to care for the baby while you go back to work. See what that asshole says then.

[Anonymous]

Ask your husband if he thinks he would only need a week after having abdominal surgery. Even without a c-section, you are healing. Which means your uterus is bleeding and healing after expelling the placenta. It's essentially an internal wound. It needs time and rest to do that properly. If you have a c-section, your abdomen has been cut open and needs time and rest to heal correctly. If you give birth vaginally, there is a good chance you'll have some tearing in your perinium that needs time and rest to heal.

But yes, he needs to do some reading about what child birth is like physically for most women. And then what life is like with a baby. You need time to rest, but also will have a baby that needs to eat every 2-3 hours AROUND THE CLOCK. Does that sound restful? It's not. Which is why women who've just given birth need to do NOTHING else but heal their bodies and care for their babies (no small task). No cooking, no cleaning, no housework, NO JOB, if you can afford that last part most especially.