If we know a family is struggling with tuition, can we give anonymous gift to sponsor their child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But you don't get it. I have had kids in the hospital, too. Here is part of another post, talking about just this: "But of course this is not how it works. It is the people without privilege who learn the real unfairness of the world at a very young age. Privileged children only learn about fairness on an individual level. They are rarely taught about the structural unfairness of the world."

That is what I am saying. You think you are immune to "life happening" and you either don't even realize it, or do everything to avoid "that life", or would never admit it.

No one is entitled to anything. Ever. No one is entitled to being "compensated" because their family is in the hospital, as mine have been. Don't pretend you know me or what my family has been through.

You think you are immune. You are not.

DP. You're making assumptions. No one said that PP's kids are "entitled to being 'compensated.'"

Of course there is enormous inequality in the world, and we should do our best to reduce it. If someone was able to pay for PP's kids to continue their education during a time when their sibling was ill, that's a good thing.

I'm not sure that I understand the point of your post. Do you think that privileged people should have to go through challenging times to knock them down a peg?

My point is privileged people do not understand the word inequality and sacrifice like non privileged people do. Admit it or not, it still stands.

Is your biggest fear being knocked down a peg? Seems it.

NP here. You come across as bitter and cynical. You must realize that many privileged people weren’t always privileged? Some of them might even understand inequality even more that you? And that regardless of privilege, all people can appreciate kindness and others offering a helping hand with them being “entitled”? All your posts have been warning about naïveté, acting as if you know more than anyone else, and being generally judgmental over Someone wanting to do something nice for someone else. Give where you see the need, let others give where they see the need.

I agree. If I gave and found out someone was embellishing - I would have a problem with that. Maybe you have money to throw around, that’s your business.

[Anonymous]

I doubt OP is going to write a full boat $25,000-45,000 check. If they're already a financial aid family, it could just be they don't have or are struggling to come up with a few grand. If you're on the margins right now, a windfall of $3,000-10,000 in aid money is a lifesaver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a retired HOS, I can tell you that you would be among many who have anonymously aided a student. It's important to note, though, that if you give the money for a specific student you cannot take a tax deduction for the donation. Most donors don't mind that.

Professional fundraiser here - that retired HOS is 100% correct. The school cannot treat it like a gift if you are designating it for a specific student and as a result you can't take a tax deduction. Many schools may quietly help you to work directly with the business office to quietly pay the tuition directly to the business office. So, it can be done, just not via a donation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After one of my children was diagnosed with a life threatening illness, someone paid his siblings' tuition. The school didn't pretend it was found money. They just told me that the tuition had been paid, and that the donor preferred to remain anonymous.

wow, that's a great community- care to name the school and let their community shine ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thats very generous of you but I would imagine that large of a gift could benefit many families more needy than one at a private school...

You realize that there are many students in need at private schools, correct?

They're in need but required to pay tuition? True need has tution covered...again this isn't a HHI of 100K per year type of needy.

I'm a little stumped at how someone in need gets a free private school tuition. NP here. Not trying to be an ass, but it genuinely would not occur to me to stay at a school I could not afford.

I would feel differently if there were not great public schools in the area, but there are. That, and I have heard sob stories by people whose IL's were covering the tuition. So, maybe my perspective has made me cynical - I just think (like PP) that the money could be used for another family who does not have the enormous luxury of private school. It never occurred to me to feel entitled to private school, that's all.

You are an ASS because its not about bean counting when a crisis hits a family- its about maintaining the stability of children's lives - plus the parent who shared the story did not ask for the help from anyone- it was given unsolicited by someone who had enough genuine compassion and humility to know that the parent would have likely turned them down if they had offered to help loan them money.

By way of example Leonard Tose helped set up, promote and fund the 1st Ronald McDonald house so that parents of kids being treated for Cancer and other life threatening conditions over a long period of time could have a place to sleep at night a block or two from the Hospital that was free, a supportive environment and not because the parents with their kids with Cancer couldn't afford a hotel room- but so that they could feel supported and have things made easier for them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a retired HOS, I can tell you that you would be among many who have anonymously aided a student. It's important to note, though, that if you give the money for a specific student you cannot take a tax deduction for the donation. Most donors don't mind that.

Professional fundraiser here - that retired HOS is 100% correct. The school cannot treat it like a gift if you are designating it for a specific student and as a result you can't take a tax deduction. Many schools may quietly help you to work directly with the business office to quietly pay the tuition directly to the business office. So, it can be done, just not via a donation.

I'm the parent with the sick kid, and I think I referred to it as a "gift" above. To be clear, I meant it was a gift to us, not to the school. It was paid through the school office, and I didn't think of it as a gift to the school. I assume that they didn't receive a tax advantage, just like they wouldn't receive a tax advantage if they gave my kid some legos for Christmas. But I don't really know.

To answer the PP who asked for the school, I would rather not name it but it was a parochial school. We were not on financial aid before my child's illness, and it was early in the school year, but we'd already paid some, so it was $10 - $12K for two kids. I have no idea if the person was in the school community. My assumption was that was either someone we know from school, or a family member. But it could also have been a group endeavor of some sort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thats very generous of you but I would imagine that large of a gift could benefit many families more needy than one at a private school...

You realize that there are many students in need at private schools, correct?

They're in need but required to pay tuition? True need has tution covered...again this isn't a HHI of 100K per year type of needy.

I'm a little stumped at how someone in need gets a free private school tuition. NP here. Not trying to be an ass, but it genuinely would not occur to me to stay at a school I could not afford.

I would feel differently if there were not great public schools in the area, but there are. That, and I have heard sob stories by people whose IL's were covering the tuition. So, maybe my perspective has made me cynical - I just think (like PP) that the money could be used for another family who does not have the enormous luxury of private school. It never occurred to me to feel entitled to private school, that's all.

You are an ASS because its not about bean counting when a crisis hits a family- its about maintaining the stability of children's lives - plus the parent who shared the story did not ask for the help from anyone- it was given unsolicited by someone who had enough genuine compassion and humility to know that the parent would have likely turned them down if they had offered to help loan them money.

By way of example Leonard Tose helped set up, promote and fund the 1st Ronald McDonald house so that parents of kids being treated for Cancer and other life threatening conditions over a long period of time could have a place to sleep at night a block or two from the Hospital that was free, a supportive environment and not because the parents with their kids with Cancer couldn't afford a hotel room- but so that they could feel supported and have things made easier for them

Parent of the sick kid here again, Ronald McDonald House does charge. Not as much as a comparable hotel might charge, but it's only free for families who can't afford to pay. In some circumstances Medicaid pays the cost.

[Anonymous]

Only DCUM could take this question and turn it into a thread with name-calling, shaming, and suspicion. Way to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thats very generous of you but I would imagine that large of a gift could benefit many families more needy than one at a private school...

You realize that there are many students in need at private schools, correct?

They're in need but required to pay tuition? True need has tution covered...again this isn't a HHI of 100K per year type of needy.

I'm a little stumped at how someone in need gets a free private school tuition. NP here. Not trying to be an ass, but it genuinely would not occur to me to stay at a school I could not afford.

I would feel differently if there were not great public schools in the area, but there are. That, and I have heard sob stories by people whose IL's were covering the tuition. So, maybe my perspective has made me cynical - I just think (like PP) that the money could be used for another family who does not have the enormous luxury of private school. It never occurred to me to feel entitled to private school, that's all.

You are an ASS because its not about bean counting when a crisis hits a family- its about maintaining the stability of children's lives - plus the parent who shared the story did not ask for the help from anyone- it was given unsolicited by someone who had enough genuine compassion and humility to know that the parent would have likely turned them down if they had offered to help loan them money.

By way of example Leonard Tose helped set up, promote and fund the 1st Ronald McDonald house so that parents of kids being treated for Cancer and other life threatening conditions over a long period of time could have a place to sleep at night a block or two from the Hospital that was free, a supportive environment and not because the parents with their kids with Cancer couldn't afford a hotel room- but so that they could feel supported and have things made easier for them

Yes! That is one of our primary donations - sick children - not private schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a retired HOS, I can tell you that you would be among many who have anonymously aided a student. It's important to note, though, that if you give the money for a specific student you cannot take a tax deduction for the donation. Most donors don't mind that.

Professional fundraiser here - that retired HOS is 100% correct. The school cannot treat it like a gift if you are designating it for a specific student and as a result you can't take a tax deduction. Many schools may quietly help you to work directly with the business office to quietly pay the tuition directly to the business office. So, it can be done, just not via a donation.

I'm the parent with the sick kid, and I think I referred to it as a "gift" above. To be clear, I meant it was a gift to us, not to the school. It was paid through the school office, and I didn't think of it as a gift to the school. I assume that they didn't receive a tax advantage, just like they wouldn't receive a tax advantage if they gave my kid some legos for Christmas. But I don't really know.

To answer the PP who asked for the school, I would rather not name it but it was a parochial school. We were not on financial aid before my child's illness, and it was early in the school year, but we'd already paid some, so it was $10 - $12K for two kids. I have no idea if the person was in the school community. My assumption was that was either someone we know from school, or a family member. But it could also have been a group endeavor of some sort.

They don't want to name the school because other "gimmes" might come forward, which is understandable. Some people take the Robin Hood sentiment to a whole new level. I agree I sound like an ass for speaking up and pointing out that it happened at our school. But the person who had the money and took from people who didn't have much more - that is a very, very very, very special kind of ASS (sic). I don't think our private school community ever forgot that.

Glad PPs think their school members are above that, or maybe they are, you are lucky - maybe even privileged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But you don't get it. I have had kids in the hospital, too. Here is part of another post, talking about just this: "But of course this is not how it works. It is the people without privilege who learn the real unfairness of the world at a very young age. Privileged children only learn about fairness on an individual level. They are rarely taught about the structural unfairness of the world."

That is what I am saying. You think you are immune to "life happening" and you either don't even realize it, or do everything to avoid "that life", or would never admit it.

No one is entitled to anything. Ever. No one is entitled to being "compensated" because their family is in the hospital, as mine have been. Don't pretend you know me or what my family has been through.

You think you are immune. You are not.

DP. You're making assumptions. No one said that PP's kids are "entitled to being 'compensated.'"

Of course there is enormous inequality in the world, and we should do our best to reduce it. If someone was able to pay for PP's kids to continue their education during a time when their sibling was ill, that's a good thing.

I'm not sure that I understand the point of your post. Do you think that privileged people should have to go through challenging times to knock them down a peg?

My point is privileged people do not understand the word inequality and sacrifice like non privileged people do. Admit it or not, it still stands.

Is your biggest fear being knocked down a peg? Seems it.

I'm the poster who you accused of feeling immune. If you wrote a thoughtful post about your concerns about how best to support privileged kids developing their understanding of inequality, I would be happy to participate, because it's a concern I share. But to single out the OP and me in the way you did was weird. I can absolutely believe that kids need to learn lessons about inequality, and also prefer to delay that message for a few months, while my kids are in the middle of something really really hard.

And yes, given that the event that "knocked me down a peg" was finding out that my child had a terminal illness, I would say that that was pretty close to my biggest fear. The only thing I would find more scary would be something that killed more than one of my kids. And while keeping my other kids in private school for a few months (covid happened, so they didn't finish the year, although that was the donor's intention) was far from my top priority, I appreciated that they were able to do so.

DP. I am so sorry, PP. I also think your thoughtful and gracious posts to that nasty piece of work who keeps posting is more than she deserves. It is remarkable how someone who is lecturing about entitlement comes across as more wildly entitled than anyone else in the thread, but it's not your problem, and you don't have to keep responding to that person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a retired HOS, I can tell you that you would be among many who have anonymously aided a student. It's important to note, though, that if you give the money for a specific student you cannot take a tax deduction for the donation. Most donors don't mind that.

Professional fundraiser here - that retired HOS is 100% correct. The school cannot treat it like a gift if you are designating it for a specific student and as a result you can't take a tax deduction. Many schools may quietly help you to work directly with the business office to quietly pay the tuition directly to the business office. So, it can be done, just not via a donation.

I'm the parent with the sick kid, and I think I referred to it as a "gift" above. To be clear, I meant it was a gift to us, not to the school. It was paid through the school office, and I didn't think of it as a gift to the school. I assume that they didn't receive a tax advantage, just like they wouldn't receive a tax advantage if they gave my kid some legos for Christmas. But I don't really know.

To answer the PP who asked for the school, I would rather not name it but it was a parochial school. We were not on financial aid before my child's illness, and it was early in the school year, but we'd already paid some, so it was $10 - $12K for two kids. I have no idea if the person was in the school community. My assumption was that was either someone we know from school, or a family member. But it could also have been a group endeavor of some sort.

My DC goes to a parochial school where these sorts of gifts are made. The support of the community from the parish is really touching. It drives the philanthropic arm of the school, which is an independent school, but the spirit of the parish donors is evident in the giving culture at the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only DCUM could take this question and turn it into a thread with name-calling, shaming, and suspicion. Way to go.

It not only DCUM. This is educational fundraising. Colleges deal with this, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only DCUM could take this question and turn it into a thread with name-calling, shaming, and suspicion. Way to go.

It not only DCUM. This is educational fundraising. Colleges deal with this, too.

I work for an education non-profit that helps low-income students go to college and earn degrees. We sometimes have donors who meet a particular student and want to support them by paying tuition. In the past, we have acted as a pass-through organization to keep this support anonymous, but we stopped because it seemed out of keeping with our mission to provide full support to some students but not others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But you don't get it. I have had kids in the hospital, too. Here is part of another post, talking about just this: "But of course this is not how it works. It is the people without privilege who learn the real unfairness of the world at a very young age. Privileged children only learn about fairness on an individual level. They are rarely taught about the structural unfairness of the world."

That is what I am saying. You think you are immune to "life happening" and you either don't even realize it, or do everything to avoid "that life", or would never admit it.

No one is entitled to anything. Ever. No one is entitled to being "compensated" because their family is in the hospital, as mine have been. Don't pretend you know me or what my family has been through.

You think you are immune. You are not.

DP. You're making assumptions. No one said that PP's kids are "entitled to being 'compensated.'"

Of course there is enormous inequality in the world, and we should do our best to reduce it. If someone was able to pay for PP's kids to continue their education during a time when their sibling was ill, that's a good thing.

I'm not sure that I understand the point of your post. Do you think that privileged people should have to go through challenging times to knock them down a peg?

My point is privileged people do not understand the word inequality and sacrifice like non privileged people do. Admit it or not, it still stands.

Is your biggest fear being knocked down a peg? Seems it.

I'm the poster who you accused of feeling immune. If you wrote a thoughtful post about your concerns about how best to support privileged kids developing their understanding of inequality, I would be happy to participate, because it's a concern I share. But to single out the OP and me in the way you did was weird. I can absolutely believe that kids need to learn lessons about inequality, and also prefer to delay that message for a few months, while my kids are in the middle of something really really hard.

And yes, given that the event that "knocked me down a peg" was finding out that my child had a terminal illness, I would say that that was pretty close to my biggest fear. The only thing I would find more scary would be something that killed more than one of my kids. And while keeping my other kids in private school for a few months (covid happened, so they didn't finish the year, although that was the donor's intention) was far from my top priority, I appreciated that they were able to do so.

DP. I am so sorry, PP. I also think your thoughtful and gracious posts to that nasty piece of work who keeps posting is more than she deserves. It is remarkable how someone who is lecturing about entitlement comes across as more wildly entitled than anyone else in the thread, but it's not your problem, and you don't have to keep responding to that person.

I am not talking about a situation with a kid with a terminal illness, for the record. I am also not talking about this PP. I am talking about a situation where an opportunist swooped in and took what was not theirs. Big difference. Like I said, I don't think our school ever forgot that situation.

OP, I think you are doing a wonderful thing. I would love to be able to do this for someone, some day.