If we know a family is struggling with tuition, can we give anonymous gift to sponsor their child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I think OP is very thoughtful and extremely generous, I would just makes sure she knows the whole story. Call it "an axe to grind" if you want, but there are people who play the system like a game. I would just make sure it is the "most" needy family, not just one that claims one thing, come to find out another, altogether.

I am certainly hoping/thinking/believing that the situation I describe is a miniscule minoroty. OP didn't elaborate too much, so I thought she should be apprised.

Maybe I misread and you weren't also the post that went off on how I think my family is "immune", but if you are then I don't see how that post could possibly be read as apprising the OP that some people cheat.

I will also say that, at least in my situation, I don't pretend to know whether our family is the "most needy" at our school. I guess it's possible that some anonymous donor who doesn't know us from Adam approached the school and asked them to pick the most needy family to benefit, but I doubt it. What I think is more likely is that either a relative or a friend who knows my kids and cares about them as individuals paid. I have, for example, several relatives who sent their own kids to Catholic schools, and continue to support Catholic schools. One of them may have felt this was a way to both help my family, and to help the school. It's also possible that the money came from one or more of my kids' classmates.

I don't think that accepting the money, given that we might not have been the "most needy" at our school and certainly aren't the "most needy" in our area, is in the same category as lying about our situation, something we didn't do.

If you didn't mislead about your situation, and it was truly only for a few months, then no - PP doesn't apply to you. PP wasn't referring to a couple months, but much more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are looking for a tax write-off you have to be careful. You cannot "donate" to a particular person or family. If you are just looking to pay tuition without designating it as a contribution to the school, you will have no problem. The School will just let the family know that an anonymous person paid the tuition. That is so kind of you!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But you don't get it. I have had kids in the hospital, too. Here is part of another post, talking about just this: "But of course this is not how it works. It is the people without privilege who learn the real unfairness of the world at a very young age. Privileged children only learn about fairness on an individual level. They are rarely taught about the structural unfairness of the world."

That is what I am saying. You think you are immune to "life happening" and you either don't even realize it, or do everything to avoid "that life", or would never admit it.

No one is entitled to anything. Ever. No one is entitled to being "compensated" because their family is in the hospital, as mine have been. Don't pretend you know me or what my family has been through.

You think you are immune. You are not.

DP. You're making assumptions. No one said that PP's kids are "entitled to being 'compensated.'"

Of course there is enormous inequality in the world, and we should do our best to reduce it. If someone was able to pay for PP's kids to continue their education during a time when their sibling was ill, that's a good thing.

I'm not sure that I understand the point of your post. Do you think that privileged people should have to go through challenging times to knock them down a peg?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in public school and we couldn't afford private school, but I still think this is an incredibly generous thing to do. Yes, kids in private school likely have a much easier life -- even if their dad loses his job b/c of COVID and they have to switch school mid-year -- than 95% of the population. It doesn't mean it's not incredibly generous and worthwhile to try to stop a 6 or 8 or 10 year old from experiencing pain and hardship if you can.

Isn’t the private school more about the parent, and the parent’s social life, as was stated upthread?

I don’t think a kid would notice, and certainly wouldn’t remember much if anything, at such a young age.

There is not just one person who feels this way.

DP. Really? A kid wouldn't notice changing schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But you don't get it. I have had kids in the hospital, too. Here is part of another post, talking about just this: "But of course this is not how it works. It is the people without privilege who learn the real unfairness of the world at a very young age. Privileged children only learn about fairness on an individual level. They are rarely taught about the structural unfairness of the world."

That is what I am saying. You think you are immune to "life happening" and you either don't even realize it, or do everything to avoid "that life", or would never admit it.

No one is entitled to anything. Ever. No one is entitled to being "compensated" because their family is in the hospital, as mine have been. Don't pretend you know me or what my family has been through.

You think you are immune. You are not.

DP. You're making assumptions. No one said that PP's kids are "entitled to being 'compensated.'"

Of course there is enormous inequality in the world, and we should do our best to reduce it. If someone was able to pay for PP's kids to continue their education during a time when their sibling was ill, that's a good thing.

I'm not sure that I understand the point of your post. Do you think that privileged people should have to go through challenging times to knock them down a peg?

My point is privileged people do not understand the word inequality and sacrifice like non privileged people do. Admit it or not, it still stands.

Is your biggest fear being knocked down a peg? Seems it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thats very generous of you but I would imagin
e that large of a gift could benefit many families more needy than one at a private school...

Go away.

OP- you are a kind soul. Contact the financial aid department and see what they say.

Agreed. The notion that someone who is doing something incredibly nice and generous for a family that they know and like should feel *bad* because they could donate that money to people who are needier is really misplaced, and meanspirited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thats very generous of you but I would imagin
e that large of a gift could benefit many families more needy than one at a private school...

Go away.

OP- you are a kind soul. Contact the financial aid department and see what they say.

Agreed. The notion that someone who is doing something incredibly nice and generous for a family that they know and like should feel *bad* because they could donate that money to people who are needier is really misplaced, and meanspirited.

There is nothing mean spirited about wanting to help people who can barely eat, as opposed to people who "have to" maintain their social status by keeping the parent friends at their school. There is a PP who admitted to this on this thread. It's not about the kids, at all. That is the gross part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But you don't get it. I have had kids in the hospital, too. Here is part of another post, talking about just this: "But of course this is not how it works. It is the people without privilege who learn the real unfairness of the world at a very young age. Privileged children only learn about fairness on an individual level. They are rarely taught about the structural unfairness of the world."

That is what I am saying. You think you are immune to "life happening" and you either don't even realize it, or do everything to avoid "that life", or would never admit it.

No one is entitled to anything. Ever. No one is entitled to being "compensated" because their family is in the hospital, as mine have been. Don't pretend you know me or what my family has been through.

You think you are immune. You are not.

DP. You're making assumptions. No one said that PP's kids are "entitled to being 'compensated.'"

Of course there is enormous inequality in the world, and we should do our best to reduce it. If someone was able to pay for PP's kids to continue their education during a time when their sibling was ill, that's a good thing.

I'm not sure that I understand the point of your post. Do you think that privileged people should have to go through challenging times to knock them down a peg?

My point is privileged people do not understand the word inequality and sacrifice like non privileged people do. Admit it or not, it still stands.

Is your biggest fear being knocked down a peg? Seems it.

I'm the poster who you accused of feeling immune. If you wrote a thoughtful post about your concerns about how best to support privileged kids developing their understanding of inequality, I would be happy to participate, because it's a concern I share. But to single out the OP and me in the way you did was weird. I can absolutely believe that kids need to learn lessons about inequality, and also prefer to delay that message for a few months, while my kids are in the middle of something really really hard.

And yes, given that the event that "knocked me down a peg" was finding out that my child had a terminal illness, I would say that that was pretty close to my biggest fear. The only thing I would find more scary would be something that killed more than one of my kids. And while keeping my other kids in private school for a few months (covid happened, so they didn't finish the year, although that was the donor's intention) was far from my top priority, I appreciated that they were able to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thats very generous of you but I would imagin
e that large of a gift could benefit many families more needy than one at a private school...

Go away.

OP- you are a kind soul. Contact the financial aid department and see what they say.

Agreed. The notion that someone who is doing something incredibly nice and generous for a family that they know and like should feel *bad* because they could donate that money to people who are needier is really misplaced, and meanspirited.

Totally agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But you don't get it. I have had kids in the hospital, too. Here is part of another post, talking about just this: "But of course this is not how it works. It is the people without privilege who learn the real unfairness of the world at a very young age. Privileged children only learn about fairness on an individual level. They are rarely taught about the structural unfairness of the world."

That is what I am saying. You think you are immune to "life happening" and you either don't even realize it, or do everything to avoid "that life", or would never admit it.

No one is entitled to anything. Ever. No one is entitled to being "compensated" because their family is in the hospital, as mine have been. Don't pretend you know me or what my family has been through.

You think you are immune. You are not.

DP. You're making assumptions. No one said that PP's kids are "entitled to being 'compensated.'"

Of course there is enormous inequality in the world, and we should do our best to reduce it. If someone was able to pay for PP's kids to continue their education during a time when their sibling was ill, that's a good thing.

I'm not sure that I understand the point of your post. Do you think that privileged people should have to go through challenging times to knock them down a peg?

My point is privileged people do not understand the word inequality and sacrifice like non privileged people do. Admit it or not, it still stands.

Is your biggest fear being knocked down a peg? Seems it.

Of course privileged people haven't had as many experiences with inequality as non-privileged people. The solution to inequality shouldn't be to cause privileged people to have worse lives; it should be to create better lives for everyone.

And no. Another assumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But you don't get it. I have had kids in the hospital, too. Here is part of another post, talking about just this: "But of course this is not how it works. It is the people without privilege who learn the real unfairness of the world at a very young age. Privileged children only learn about fairness on an individual level. They are rarely taught about the structural unfairness of the world."

That is what I am saying. You think you are immune to "life happening" and you either don't even realize it, or do everything to avoid "that life", or would never admit it.

No one is entitled to anything. Ever. No one is entitled to being "compensated" because their family is in the hospital, as mine have been. Don't pretend you know me or what my family has been through.

You think you are immune. You are not.

DP. You're making assumptions. No one said that PP's kids are "entitled to being 'compensated.'"

Of course there is enormous inequality in the world, and we should do our best to reduce it. If someone was able to pay for PP's kids to continue their education during a time when their sibling was ill, that's a good thing.

I'm not sure that I understand the point of your post. Do you think that privileged people should have to go through challenging times to knock them down a peg?

My point is privileged people do not understand the word inequality and sacrifice like non privileged people do. Admit it or not, it still stands.

Is your biggest fear being knocked down a peg? Seems it.

I'm the poster who you accused of feeling immune. If you wrote a thoughtful post about your concerns about how best to support privileged kids developing their understanding of inequality, I would be happy to participate, because it's a concern I share. But to single out the OP and me in the way you did was weird. I can absolutely believe that kids need to learn lessons about inequality, and also prefer to delay that message for a few months, while my kids are in the middle of something really really hard.

And yes, given that the event that "knocked me down a peg" was finding out that my child had a terminal illness, I would say that that was pretty close to my biggest fear. The only thing I would find more scary would be something that killed more than one of my kids. And while keeping my other kids in private school for a few months (covid happened, so they didn't finish the year, although that was the donor's intention) was far from my top priority, I appreciated that they were able to do so.

(DP). I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thats very generous of you but I would imagin
e that large of a gift could benefit many families more needy than one at a private school...

Go away.

OP- you are a kind soul. Contact the financial aid department and see what they say.

Agreed. The notion that someone who is doing something incredibly nice and generous for a family that they know and like should feel *bad* because they could donate that money to people who are needier is really misplaced, and meanspirited.

There is nothing mean spirited about wanting to help people who can barely eat, as opposed to people who "have to" maintain their social status by keeping the parent friends at their school. There is a PP who admitted to this on this thread. It's not about the kids, at all. That is the gross part.

Can you quote the PP who admitted this? I seem to have missed it.

The reality is that almost everyone on DCUM is spending money on things other than their food for people who can barely eat. Do you also feel those people are gross? If someone spends $ on their own kids going to private school, or on a house in a neighborhood with a highly rated school rather than on a tiny apartment in the cheapest district, is that gross?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thats very generous of you but I would imagin
e that large of a gift could benefit many families more needy than one at a private school...

Go away.

OP- you are a kind soul. Contact the financial aid department and see what they say.

Agreed. The notion that someone who is doing something incredibly nice and generous for a family that they know and like should feel *bad* because they could donate that money to people who are needier is really misplaced, and meanspirited.

There is nothing mean spirited about wanting to help people who can barely eat, as opposed to people who "have to" maintain their social status by keeping the parent friends at their school. There is a PP who admitted to this on this thread. It's not about the kids, at all. That is the gross part.

This comment was directed at the OP, and was the third comment on the OP. Even if what you claim is true, and I don't remember it, it's irrelevant. This was just a mean-spirited comment second guessing an incredibly generous gesture.

You're projecting a great deal here. People give in the way that they want to give. But, if you'd like to post where you give, I'm sure I could find some "needier" causes to try and shame you. Although I expect you're incapable of shame, so I won't waste my time.

[Anonymous]

OP - thank you for inquiring about helping a family out during these difficult times. I don't think this is uncommon. At our school the admin was approach re: any families they knew that had difficulties with tuition due to decrease hours/lost jobs. There were many families determined to help. This is a parochial school so many families already making sacrifices to pay tuition (and not in the higher bracket tuition at some private schools). Everyone can debate where they would recommend you spending your money. Thank you for thinking about the needs of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But you don't get it. I have had kids in the hospital, too. Here is part of another post, talking about just this: "But of course this is not how it works. It is the people without privilege who learn the real unfairness of the world at a very young age. Privileged children only learn about fairness on an individual level. They are rarely taught about the structural unfairness of the world."

That is what I am saying. You think you are immune to "life happening" and you either don't even realize it, or do everything to avoid "that life", or would never admit it.

No one is entitled to anything. Ever. No one is entitled to being "compensated" because their family is in the hospital, as mine have been. Don't pretend you know me or what my family has been through.

You think you are immune. You are not.

DP. You're making assumptions. No one said that PP's kids are "entitled to being 'compensated.'"

Of course there is enormous inequality in the world, and we should do our best to reduce it. If someone was able to pay for PP's kids to continue their education during a time when their sibling was ill, that's a good thing.

I'm not sure that I understand the point of your post. Do you think that privileged people should have to go through challenging times to knock them down a peg?

My point is privileged people do not understand the word inequality and sacrifice like non privileged people do. Admit it or not, it still stands.

Is your biggest fear being knocked down a peg? Seems it.

NP here. You come across as bitter and cynical. You must realize that many privileged people weren’t always privileged? Some of them might even understand inequality even more that you? And that regardless of privilege, all people can appreciate kindness and others offering a helping hand with them being “entitled”? All your posts have been warning about naïveté, acting as if you know more than anyone else, and being generally judgmental over Someone wanting to do something nice for someone else. Give where you see the need, let others give where they see the need.